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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
young military bride-to-be- any advice?
hello everyone 
i'm 18 i got engaged this summer to the man who has been my best friend for the past 4 years (he's 20)... we met my freshman year of high school and he has always been there for me even when i moved away after that year. so pretty much our entire friendship/relationship has been long distance. we started dating this january when he left for basic training and he proposed july 2 (surprised me-i was expecting the 4th!)
he left 2 weeks ago for pre-mob and is shipping out to afghanistan for a year deployment. he's infantry and i'm really worried about him. this is his first deployment so he's not really sure what to expect either...
does anyone have any advice or can tell me what to expect? please and thank you!
Re: young military bride-to-be- any advice?
It's smart that you're planning to wait out the deployment before getting married.
What are you doing now? Are you going to college? Working? Do you live at home? When are you planning to get married?
I agree with Ojo that you should go to school and get a good job before getting married. It's nice to have your own money and a sense that you can support yourself.
thanks everyone!
i'm currently living on campus, i'm a freshman at BGSU. my fiance was originally in ROTC at UC but left to complete Basic and deployment. he is in national guard and his base is in bowling green so when he comes home he is planning on moving to bg and enrolling in the ROTC program here. we are getting an apartment together when he comes home, but we aren't getting married until december of 2013 or may of 2014...
I married someone I had only been long distance with and it worked out. We've been together for 10 years. However, I was not 15 years old during my long distance relationship.
You really should focus on school and not even *think* about a wedding or a wedding date until after he's back and you've lived together for a long time.
I agree that it's a really smart thing that you guys are waiting a while to get married. I also support the idea of living near each other (or living together) for a while first too since the dynamics of the relationship will be very different.
As far as more general advice related to the deployment, that's not really something I personally can help you with much, however I encourage you to check out the link in my signature for some information that you may find useful. Remember to be patient and supportive. It will help him a lot if he can rely on you to be strong and level-headed while he's gone.
Finish college first, live together (or at least in the same city) for awhile, don't call yourself engaged or doing wedding planning. Just be bf/gf.
I did have a LDR with H, and I moved in with him a mere month before getting engaged. However, I was older with a few relationships under my belt, and I'd known him for 6 well for years before we even started dating. Even then, I dated him for 2 years before moving, and I wasn't engaged when I made that leap.
At 20, it seems like forever to wait a few years. But, when you're planning on decades together, waiting 4 or 5 years is nbd in the grand scheme of things.
It looks like y'all are planning to wait a while. That's a great plan.
As far as making it through a deployment, keep busy. Keep focused on your classes. Find some volunteer work to keep you busy durring down time. Go out with friends and have some fun.
I like to plan something small to look forward to once a week and something big once a month. For something small, I go have lunch with a friend, get a pedi or go out for icecream. For something big, I plan a road trip, have a big girl's night or have friends over.
When my H is deployed, I send letters almost every day. I send small packages every week and a large package once a month. We email stories back and forth all the time. I'll start a story and we each write a paragraph back and forth until it feels like it's done. We also Skype or video chat on Yahoo.
Click the button in my siggy. It will link you to our FAQ page. There is a ton of info there. Stick around here and lurk a bit. You'll get the hang of things and see how others deal with deployments.
I admit that when I read the first sentence of your original post I immediately rolled my eyes. But as I read more it sounds like you have a good plan and a good head on your shoulders! You are very smart not to rush into getting married/wedding planning like sooo many young military couples do. Enjoy your college experience and enjoy a nice long engagement with your man. See how the deployment affects you/him/your relationship. Living together before getting married is a great "test run". Best of luck to both of you!
We are engaged to be married, he proposed, I said yes, there is a ring on a finger. This relationship is moving forward not backwards but we are waiting a few years until we actually get married. Haven't set a date yet and the only wedding planning is me looking at dresses when I'm bored.
Thank you
I'm currently living in the dorm, going to college 3 and half hours from home. I'm planning on getting an apartment next year and he will get home sometime late next year and move in with me. I'm a freshman in college this year and when he comes home from his deployment after taking 2 years off of college we will be in the same year.
The plan right now is to get married sometime during the summer BEFORE we graduate. I have had a lot of people tell me not to get married before graduating because they are afraid I won't want to finish, but most of these people don't know me or my situation. My fiance will be at the same place in school I am and there is no way he would let me drop out and no reason for me to drop out. He will be in ROTC and with his career path will be assigned a post after graduation so it will be easier for us to already be married so I can just go with him where ever he is assigned instead of filling out all the paperwork which I have heard can take up to a year.
I'm really looking for advice on what to expect as far as the first deployment goes if anyone could help with that it would be greatly appreciated! He's currently in pre-mob, and I'm writing him everyday and he calls every night that he can.. He's very grumpy from lack of sleep and bored with training. Is this what I should expect for the next year or will it get better/worse?
Photo bomb, yeah!
First, your plan sounds like a good one. Just remember that things don't always go as planned. Part of being an adult is always taking in new information, and reassessing the situation as need be.
Take this time to focus on yourself and your schooling. It will make you a better military wife later on- having your own life and being able to support yourself is important.
The deployment will depend on his job. You will not likely talk to him for a few days while he travels, which is tough. In general, though, most couples get to talk via phone or email at least once/week.
There will be times when he is bored, and there will be times when he is scared. Be supportive, and don't answer the phone crying, telling him how much you miss him. He needs to focus, and you burdening him with your own coping problems usually doesn't help. I'm not saying lie, but consider the position he is in when you share your feelings.
Send lots of letters/packages, and send extras if he has single friends. Party hats, games, and silly things are enjoyed by many. Reconsider sending nude pictures, and mail can and will be inspected, and may not always make it to him if/when he moves unexpectedly.
Help him keep ties with family/friends by sending small bits of info along to them as well (no OPSEC violations, of course!), but birthday cards, for instance, are appreciated when he can't call them (this is if he has limited access to communications- depends on his location).
I feel like this is most important- when he returns, don't expect things to return to exactly like they were before. Don't expect to know everything about him, or get upset when he doesn't act exactly as he would before. Especially since you are young, you will both develop this year, away from each other. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but you do have to re-learn how to be together sometimes. It can be small things, but you will have an adjustment anyway if he is moving in with you for the first time. Take it in stride, don't spend every minute together, learn to communicate efficiently, and do some dating/ silly activities together for fun before you get down to the brass tacks of wedding planning. Love him and be patient. Be clear with your expectations that he does the same, and don't let resentment build on either side.
It sounds like you two have a good plan, and I am glad you and your FI are waiting a little while to get married. My husband is in the military, and just getting used to deployments and work trips before you start wedding planning will really help you build your relationship.
Like PPs said, the deployment completely depends on a lot of factors. My best advice to you would be to try to do little things to feel closer together. When my H was not able to communicate for several months, we each had a leather bound journal and wrote each other little notes in it- that way, when he came home we could trade and feel like we could at least catch up a little on the lost time. Also, focus on some hobbies you haven't had time for, spend time with family and friends if you can.
I can tell you that it will certainly be difficult, but it is the difficult times in our life that build our character, and for me and my H, the difficult times also made our relationship stronger. If you can be apart for extended periods of time, and get through it together, with your love still intact and, in fact, stronger- it is a special feeling.
Good luck to you, OP, and good luck to your FI.
Hi everyone,
This is actually my first post on this message board. So I'm pretty new to this. Hopefully I post this the right way. Ha. Anyhow, I don't have any advice to offer but I can say that reading though these comments have helped me. This is the second month of my boyfriends deployment and today has been a little rough so I decided to read though some of these posts. Really, I just wanted to say thank you for putting my mind somewhat at ease today.