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Intro and Help Needed
I use to post on here years ago under a different name. I was married to an E6 in the army until he walked out on me 2 months after having our son. Things are much better now and I'm much happier.
So here is where the help is needed. I've been dating a captain in the army for the last few months and things are getting pretty serious between us. I only know how things were for enlisted and need help navigating on the officer side of things. I have a general concept of how things work in general from being married before but specifics are foggy. Commisions for one and how they work are over my head. My dad was military too and was officer but he was national guard so it's way different active duty.
I may be jumping the gun here but I like doing my research on my own rather than have him explain because I like knowing what I'm getting in to and processing it in private.
Re: Intro and Help Needed
Seeing as your boyfriend is a captain, unless he was prior enlisted, he has not hit the 10 year mark. For many service members, once they hit ten years, since they are half way there, they opt for the full 20 years to earn their retirement. This is likely something he might me thinking about now--whether to get out now or commit to 20 years. It seems that just before the 10 years of service mark, promotion to major comes up (and with it a nice salary boost). It can make the decision more difficult for somebody on the fence.
One thing that I have experienced is that officers typically PCS more frequently. I'm not saying this is a hard and fast rule, but it has been my personal experience.
I have not experienced too many other differences, that I can think of. Do you have any other specific questions?
Best of luck with your boyfriend. As a former military spouse, you have a better idea of the challenges and benefits. Things may be different, but you know more than those with no experience.
maybe the Army works differently, but I know DH is an officer in the AF and has a service committment of x number of years (he had five coming from the Academy, but then also started his master's degree after a bit, so I am not sure exactly how long it is right now) I know he can't just resign any old time he wants. when that time is up, I believe he will have to commit to a new set time period. It comes up a lot when his buddies and him are talking.
MH has been told that he will likely move every 3-4 years. (again, this is the AF not Army) we are moving after 2 years here, but that was at his request. I know some enlisted that move much more frequently, and some much less (I know a guy who has been at this base for like 8-9 years or something). It largely depends on his job and what his MOS is.
I dont personally know a lot about enlisted life other than what I read on here, but I've really not seen too many differences that are truly life altering.... there is a FAQ thingy in my sig (some other ladies have it to) look through that and see if there is anything helpful to you.
ETA: Regarding resigning- things might be looking differently with RIFs going on, people may be able to voluntarily get out of their commission early, but from what people have told me, the Army is not RIFing officers right now? someone can correct that if I am wrong.
I changed my name
Not necessarily. Officers incur commitments for specific training or benefits, for example, flight school, graduate school, overseas PCS moves (not sure about CONUS PCS moves), financial bonuses, and other schooling required to continue their military careers. (There may be others, but I have personal knowledge of these.) My H is a Major and has 5yr left on his current commitment. Some commitments run concurrently and others run consecutively, so incurring a new commitment may or may not add on time. (The regs for this are posted online, and I can find the link if you're intersted.) I believe if my H were to leave now, he would receive a bill from the military for his most recent schooling.
If your BF doesn't have a set time frame, this may either be because he does not have any current commitments, or because they are so short that he does not plan on leaving before they are up and it therefore has no effect on his career plans.
I believe CONUS incurrs a one year committment to that location- based on what DH told me, and what others I know have experienced trying to get moved
I changed my name
The frequency of moves does depend upon MOS and job needs/requirements. My DH is EOD. The longest he has been at one location, as an officer, is 24 months. (As an enlisted soldier, he was at one post for 3 years.). We've been married for five years and we are in house number six, duty station number five. In the Army, most officer assignments, that I am aware of, are 24-36 months long.
Again, things vary according to MOS and the Army's needs.
In a way, it's both at will and isn't. I believe you can resign your commission at any point, but you may be required to pay back schooling or training that extended your commitment.
You can also apply to have your commitment waived. For instance, H used to fly. The commitment for that training is 10 years after you finish. Since it could take 2 years for a slot to open up and go through all training, that's a long time. However, he can medically no longer fly, so he applied to have the commitment waived so that he could have the choice separate at an earlier date. Of course, they denied the waiver, so that's always a possibility, too.
When most officers leave active duty, though, they keep their commission. That's why I don't think the option to resign your commission at any point is really an at-will sort of state.
I know that career field has a lot to do with moving, but at least in the AF, the general rule I've seen is that enlisted were overseas for 4 years while officers were 2-3 (depending on if they were married). CONUS I think it was 4 for officers, 5-6 enlisted. In H's previous job, he probably would have been in 1 place 5-10 years just b/c of the plane he flew. However, in his current job which is more office work that can be done pretty much anywhere, we've been on 3 year cycles.
I knew your H was Army O, which is why I was saying maybe its different in AF.
Also, for further clarity's sake- DH was talking to me about it, and once you no longer owe them any service committment (no schooling, PCSing, flight stuff, whathaveyou) you can resign your commission, but for OP and people reading its not like you just turn in paperwork and BAM you're done. Its a process (like everything else in the military) taking a while - like 6 months or so depending. Definitely not like putting in your two week's notice.
(smudge's - I'm not saying you were implying otherwise- just trying to make sure OP or lurkers get the full picture)
I changed my name
OP, knowing he's got orders to move to close to where you live is great news! That will give you time to get to know each other better, much more easily. While I knew that my DH was "the one", he learned of orders moving him from the Metro DC area to the middle of nowhere Southern California (the nearest town, a glorified truck stop, is 40 miles of desert away). We opted to get married. It meant a very short engagement (24 days) and neither of us had children. So, having a couple of years with your boyfriend to great!
I got very lucky. He was only here for training then got to extend it for much longer. He's met my family and they adore him. I'm meeting some of his this week and his military family in a few weeks. He's met my son twice and we are going to begin including my son in more activities to get him use to having the bf around more.