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Families not dealing well with International Relo?
Perhaps this is a better question for a therapist, but did anyone's families start acting out in weird ways when you announced you were moving? Either outright flipping out or being passive-aggressive in other ways? How did you deal with it or do you have any encouraging words that they'll come to terms with it?
DH and I both moved away from our respective home towns a long time ago, and have lived all over the place since (including shorter stints abroad, but before DD was born). In our view, making the leap from NYC to Paris isn't that much further, especially in the age of internet, skype, etc. However, both sets of our parents are not acting very rationally right now and are short, argumentative, etc. in ways that make us believe it's related to the upcoming move.
(Actually, it's 3 out of 4 parents. My dad lived in Paris in the 60s and is very excited for us. MIL, FIL and my mom are a different story...)
Sigh!
Re: Families not dealing well with International Relo?
Wedding stuff.
Our families were supportive in a way, if we didn't have DS I think they would have been onboard 100%. Both of our moms (who me and DH are the closest with) don't really care to hear of our "adventures" over here much. We try to show them pictures and talk about it, but they really just talk to us about DS and when are we coming home for a visit.
Its hard on me because me and mom used to talk 3 or 4 times a day, now we can only talk verbally like once a week and the conversations are short so I know we miss out on a lot.
My MIL lost her oldest son 10 years ago in a car accident and only has my DH left, and she is much older than my mom so its hard on her too.
It was hard at first for our families, especially mine. As I recall, your only moving for one year, right?
My mother said she would have preferred us to have a child out of wedlock (catholic family) and my MIL was also really stunned and was a bit passive aggressive. We've been here nearly five years and I speak to my mom at least four to five times per week and we email nearly everyday.
If you have a good relationship with them, that isn't going to change just because you move overseas and now everyone loves coming to visit.
I would give them a few weeks and if their behaviour doesn't change then I would address it. The other advice I would add is don't give them the option to voice whether they approve or disapprove of the move. That was the mistake we made, in retrospect, I wish we had said these are our plans as opposed to what do you think of our plans.
Lastly, if your parents don't have skype accounts, I would set that up with them now so they can get used to using skype.
Don't worry it will get better and it's only one year. In the grand scheme of things, that is not a long time.
Good luck!
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Like PP, our families have been supportive throughout our myriad moves, but it probably helps that neither of us was where we're from when we met. KWIM?
That said, we currently live in my hometown and I think that if we decided to go back to England my parents would get a bit squirely because it would mean being away from DS. Maybe that's why your parents are acting differently now.
Good luck and I hope they come around!
Meh, I think it's pretty normal. Frustrating, rude, inconsiderate, selfish, dumb, close minded, paranoid and douchetastic, but pretty normal.
I'm thinking that your families expected that once you "settled down" and had a child that your travelling adventures would be over and out of your system and that you would now settle into life at "home" and save the travel for holidays. Ours thought the same. We were baffled. Why would our lives stop because we had babies?
I think that it could be in part that it will be more difficult to see your DD, as it will involve international travel. It could cost the same as going to see you in New York and they might do it as frequently, but as soon as people realize that they need a passport to see you it seems much more extreme than it really is. It could be in part that by moving abroad (again) you aren't "settling" and building the stable family base and future that your parents envisioned you doing, or think is best for you. Mine openly worry about us because we don't own a home back in Canada.
(they often forget that every one of our friends that bought homes at the time that our families wanted us to have had their homes drastically depreciate and they are in financial nightmares now because of it).
I would deal with it by talking with them about it in a conversational type of way and not in a "consulting them on your life choices" kind of way - but also hitting home to them what a wonderful opportunity this is for your family and your DD to live in Paris, to live abroad, etc. and that by doing things in a non-traditional way this is not damaging to your future or your family, etc.
I'm not sure I'm making any sense.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
You made perfect sense, thank you. The "settling down" idea is a great perspective through which to view this. We've had similar frictions with them in the past when DH and I decided to go to grad school and they acted like, "wait, you can't do that once you're married, you're supposed to buy a house and have children, not change careers and spend thousands of dollars on 'pursuing your dreams.'"
It doesn't help that DH and I are both the youngest in our families and are generally viewed as the "flightiest" even though we're both quite responsible adults. I've heard comments from my older siblings to the effect of "you can't live in New York forever, you're going to want a quiet life one day." I don't think city living is a question of maturity, I think it's a question of preference.
Anyway, thanks to everyone else who answered. I think I just need to shrug my shoulders at this one and wait until we're there to prove that they can still talk to their granddaughter over skype, plan to visit, etc.