Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Whether or not to kick out a tenant who is a friend of my husband
I need help with this before my husband and I discuss this tonight.
My husband and I both owned condos when we got married, but mine was larger, so when we got engaged, he moved in with me and started renting his place to his friend. The original plan was to let the friend live there until we got married, which was in June. (it's now October).
The problem with this scenario is that my husband's mortgage is 1300/month, and the friend is only paying 500/month. We are doing him a huge favor for letting him live there and pay that much, because we could easily rent it for what the mortgage is. It's a hard situation, because the friend is struggling to make ends meet, and we are comfortable. So my husband felt like it was alright to cut him a break, and I agreed, up until now.
We are looking to buy a house next year, and it's not looking like we are going to be able to sell my place by then. Although we have enough for a down payment without selling my condo, that extra $700 or $800 a month would really help. So my husband talked to his friend and told him the scenario, and asked him if he could move out by the end of november.
Well, the friend just emailed my husband back asking if he could live there until he figures his life out, which he said would happen by January. I'm not gonna write my thoughts here, because i want to hear what anyone else would do. My husband wants to talk about it tonight. HELP!
Re: Whether or not to kick out a tenant who is a friend of my husband
I'm wondering what he thinks is going to change between now and January?
That is a lot of money to "give" a friend every month. I can't imagine I'd be happy about it.
Wow, can I be your husbands friend too? That's a lot of money getting burned every month.
What do you plan to do with the condo once said friend moves out? If you plan to rent it (for a more realistic price) then I think asking him to leave by the end of November is more than generous. If you plan to sell it, then I could potentially see letting him stay a little longer BUT I would put it up for sale while he's still living there and let him know that if you find a buyer, he has to be out when you say.
Overall, I have to side with you. That's a lot of money being lost and he's already stayed longer than planned.
Personal opinion? Let him stay. You say that you are comfortable and that you guys are fine without the money. I would say extra but it is not because you both earned it and are not getting any use of it.
Be honest with yourself. Do you really need that money (as it sounds like you do not) or are you more annoyed that his friend is still there? If your friend was in trouble would you expect your hubby to be okay with the same situation?
Times are tough.
If he is truely trying to get his life back in order, I would let him stay. It sounds like (could be wrong) you are well off. As someone who has been poor most of my life I can tell you that picking up the pieces can be a time consuming process. Jobs are TOUGH to find. It is two extra months. Honestly buying the house you will eventually pick may be delayed for some stupid reason anyway.
Help and be helped. I have been helped many, many times and we seem to finally be making it. We have surely worked hard enough!
If he seems to be free loading cut the cord or he'll never leave.
It's a 1 bedroom, but there's an office that could be a second bedroom. I don't really see anyone paying $500-$700 for that small room though.
We are planning on holding onto it and renting it, not selling it. It's really close to a college, and the college is talking about buying out the whole building and turning it into some kind of housing, so we are waiting to see if that happens.
I just feel like if we keep giving him breaks he's going to walk all over my husband. He's just so generous he cant say no
The friend has been in there a year now. So i'll have to be the bad guy, which sucks.
This right here! This is pretty much what I was going to suggest. It might take longer to sell than you think and at least you would be getting some rent out of it during that time, but everyone is right.. that's a lot of money to be throwing away. Even if you want to rent it out to someone that will pay the full cost of the mortgage or more, then i'd let him stay till you get it rented out again and then it's bye bye.
I'm wondering what he'll be able to figure out between now and January that he couldn't have already figured out since June. Does he have a good job lined up that doesn't start till Jan? Is is engaged and will move in with her in Jan? Might need to hear more of his story to get the full picture as to why he wants to mooch for a longer period of time.
BFP #3 2.15.11 EDD 10.27.11. DD born 10.29.11
Betas @9dpo = 23 Betas @12dpo= 128.5 Betas @17dpo= 1075 Betas @21dpo =5800s
@6w hb 114 bpm! @8w4d hb 178 bpm! @12w hb 169 bpm! @18w hb 150 bpm!
I would explain to the friend that the mortgage for the apartment is 1300 per month and that up until now you have been okay with losing out the 800/ mo by giving him a break on the rent (due to not having his life together).
However, you are not financially able to eat that 800/ mo cost anymore and need to rent the apartment to someone who can pay the mortgage and/or sell the place.
You're sorry this is an inconvenience to him but he was suppose to have moved out in June and you were kind enough to give him another 5 months. In November, he either needs to move out or begin paying the 1300/mo in rent.
And this is why you don't mix money/business with friends/family. This extension will continue to grow. In January, he will say that he just needs until spring.
Now it's a hell no. He's taking advantage of you, he needs to pay full rent. Hating his job and wanting a change is a completely different problem.
I mean, if you're just going to throw away $700 a month at least give it to a charity so you can get a tax receipt. I don't care how comfortable someone is, that's a lot of money each month and I can't believe he expects you to subsidize him while he takes his time finding a job he likes.
This is basically what I was going to say. Tell him you will be glad for him to continue renting from you at market value which at least covers the mortgage.
Steps on My Spiritual Journey
Wow, ok. I would look through all listings for similar properties in that neighborhood and email him back and let him know that if he doesn't want to move at the end of November (which I totally get since its a PITA) then the rent will be increasing to $X amount. Maybe he'll say its worth it to him to not go through the activity and expense of moving or maybe he'll look elsewhere. I also would anticipate an email back saying that's not possible, etc. Do you have a formal lease with him?
? ?????????! Z!
BFP #1 EDD 12/14/12, C/P 4/9
dx: DOR
Clomid + trigger + IUI #2
Everyone welcome.
Your husband allowed this "friend" to rent his condo for a year at a reduced rate and when his time was up, he made no effort to move out. Now, 4 months after he was supposed to leave, he is trying to buy more time. I think you know darn well he has no intention of moving out and why would he? Your husband has let this guy take advantage of him for a long time and now he's taking advantage of both of you.
This leech has to go. A real friend would have been out of that condo at the agreed upon time, or would have at least had the courtesy to ask for an extension, not just take one. A real friend also would have offered to pay market value. Instead, you have paid $800/month for this guy to live there ($9,600/year) and he doesn't even appreciate it. His only concern is keeping the gravy train running for as long as he can. You could ask him to pay more rent, but I think it's best in the long run not to have a business relationship with him at all.
I think you also need to have a serious discussion with your husband about his generosity and setting bounderies. This isn't just his money anymore and when he chooses to be generous to a fault, it hurts both of you.
I would tell the tenant that he can stay through the end of November for $500 in rent each month, since it sounds like you already talked to him about that arrangement. If he needs to stay longer, tell him the monthly rent beginning on December 1 will increase to $1300 monthly (or whatever fair market rate is).
That way ... you're not kicking him out. You're giving him the choice to stay if he will pay a fair amount in rent, which it sounds like he can afford. It's not your job to give him a $800 discount on rent each month while he figures his life out. If he can afford more rent, what is he doing with the extra $800 every month now?
If he's not willing to pay a fair price and he's not willing to move out with 2 months notice, then he's not a very good friend. He's already taking advantage of you, don't let it continue indefinitely. In my experience, people in those kinds of situations never really figure their lives out, and if you don't put an end to this, he will never move out and will never pay more than $500 in rent. You're enabling him to be an irresponsible adult.
Mr. Sammy Dog
If your husband is a good friend, he'll tell his friend the truth and make him figure out his life now, not 2 months later.
That $700 a month is money you/your husband could be putting aside for a trip, for your down payment, emergency if one of you loose your jobs, baby fund (if you're planning on having kids).
I totally agree with all of this. He's taking advantage of you and your generosity, if he can afford the place on his own. You might soften the blow by telling him he's allowed a roommate, though - his job to find one, but reserve final yes/no, so you can check them out.
No.
I get that it's hard because you want to help a friend. But WTF has the friend been doing all this time if not saving money (since he's obviously paying less than market value) and figuring his life out?
I was in a similar situation, except not that dire. I had a friend move into our spare bedroom for what I thought would be 2-3 months when I was engaged. She said 4 months. Then it turned into 9 months. She never paid us a cent. It was a bad, bad situation with her ex boyfriend who was confiscating her paycheck, basically, so she started off with nothing when she moved in - no savings, no car, a small storage unit with some furniture and supplies, and her cat, basically. But she was employed full time for all 9 of those months. I cooked dinner for the 3 of us every night. She even had a part time evening job for a few weeks (then they had a contract fall through and laid people off). She wouldn't get home until 9-10 at night, but she had the balls to tell me that it would be great if I could make extra food for dinner so she could eat the leftovers. She didn't buy groceries, she didn't buy food or litter for her cat (we have 3 cats, so we bought supplies for all of them). She didn't pay rent.
It wasn't fun. Not only did we have someone else living in our space (which obviously you don't really since you don't live together) but we weren't getting any benefits from that downside. It was a constant struggle - start charging her rent and risk her not being able to save enough to move out in a timely manner? Not charge rent and hope she has enough saved to move out soon? I think about 7 months after she moved in I almost had a heart attack when she told me she only had $300 saved. We got married last October and H finally told her if she was going to be there past October 1, she would have to start contributing money. She didn't, but she did move out mid-month, the day after we returned from our HM.
Anyway, I think almost 2 months is enough time for him to figure things out. Tell him if he stays past November, the rent will increase to $1300/month - market value. You're a good friend, but you can't subsidize his life to the tune of more than HE is actually paying. (This is, of course, contingent on you not having a lease - if you do, there are likely limits to how much you can increase his rent. However, even without a lease, I think you can evict people. Check your local tenant laws.)
40/112
It's like a Band-Aid: tear it off quick!
Put an end to this. You have shown an immense amount of kindness to him and given him more time and help than anyone else has. But now it is time to put it to an end and focus on doing what is best for your family.
Make sure to give him proper written notice. Have it mailed certified mail with return receipt requested. He will deny receiving the notice. Even if there is no lease (which I pray there is), he still has rights as a tenant and you must give proper notice. He will start using every trick in the book to remain longer.
His life is not your responsibility.
You have done more than enough.
It will be difficult for your DH and the friendship will most likely suffer unfortunately but you are not doing him any favors by letting him lanquish. It is time to move on. For everyone.
Good luck
Lighthouse State Beach, Santa Cruz.
Oh...and DO NOT let him remain in the condo while you try to sell it or find a new tenant. He will hinder the process and cost you a lot more money!
I am sorry, I know I am sounding harsh on this. It is not out of meaness towards anyone. It is from experience with selling/showing homes with tenants living in them. Tenants rarely keep a home as nice as a seller would for showings and in the worst case, they actively make it hard to show and leave it a mess (and sometimes even badmouth the property to the buyers directly) because they have no reason to do otherwise AND they will be losing their home once it sells/leases.
You want a buyer/potential tenant to feel comfortable in a space and be able to imagine themselves living there. That is next to impossible with a grumpy tenant standing in the corner (or outside) just oozing resentment and anger.
It is better to have it vacant for months than to have him in there speaking to potential buyers or tenants.
No good can come from letting the situation continue. Best of luck to you & Dh
Lighthouse State Beach, Santa Cruz.
Sorry, had another thought:
Is the property in a rent controlled town/area? If so, you cannot raise the rent 'as you wish'. Familiarize yourself with the local rent control laws before issuing any rental increases.
It does not matter if you are below market. It does not matter if he is a friend. It does not matter if there is no lease. He has rights as a tenant. If you do not follow the local/state rental laws (rent control or tenant/landlord laws), you will be breaking the law and he will get to remain in the property even longer.
No matter what, understand the local laws re: terminating a lease/tenancy, raising rents, returning security deposits etc before taking any action. I'd hate to see this situation take a turn for the worse. Give plenty of notice and hopefully everything will go smoothly.
Ok, enough out of me
Lighthouse State Beach, Santa Cruz.
If the study is too small to rent out for $700-$800 a month then I'd move friend in there and rent out the master for the rest. He pays no more and his rent does not increase while he figures things out, and you make up the extra money. It's just another option, but I definitely would not be subsidizing a friend that much money every month.