Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Dogs and DH vent
I just need someone to vent to.
With all the rain, the dogs have been hating to go outside. We are using them on a lead in the front right now since DH is supposed to be working on the backyard so I have a fence to let them run in the back.
But of course, they have been refusing for me in the morning to go outside, let alone bathroom. So this means by the time I leave and when DH gets up (8am or later, when I have been at work for an hour or so), they leave surprises downstairs (pee and poop). ARGH.
I need to get out of bed earlier. Have been waking up between 5:45 and 6 lately. Need to make it 5:30 now so I have time to stand outside with them and encourage them to bathroom, and treat again.
And it doesn't help. I hate how DH sleeps in late. I get no help form him in the morning. Since he gets into work late, he doesn't get home till 5:30 or later. So I get little help from him then. I get to do dinner, deal with hungry tired baby. He is home to play, while I get to clean up.
And he says he wants to get up earlier, but yeah his body is wired and he does not wake up well. Whatever I have given up on that.
And his dad and him are supposed to be working on this fence. They were all gun ho about releveling the backyard but stopped at the fence. And that is what I wanted the most. I wish I would have just hired a fencing company. And am about to. They are taking too long.
Yes the dogs are 'my dogs'. But he enjoys them too. But he doesn't realize how hard it is to let them out with a toddler who quickly gets into things. Which on that note, he has not finished baby proofing the cabinents or installed the top portions of the gates on the stairs (months later).
And he comes and talks to me when he gets in (9:30 today, actually a little later) and says the dogs were bad. I let them out, and I thought they went, but I guess not since they probably stayed under the covered entry way. But you know with feeding a kid, getting her dressed, nursing, etc, I had time to look. Then I said well the fence will help, so can you please talk to your dad about it.Then said that i could use some help in the mornings since I am busy trying to get out the door dealing with Evie, dogs, lunches, etc. Then his response, "well if it was my choice I would get rid of the dogs". that just pissed me off so much. That is not an option!
Now I get to work with him all day and we need to discuss a software design and I can't handle looking at him right now.
Sorry this is so long, he just pissed me off this am.
Re: Dogs and DH vent
Dude. DUDE. They may be YOUR dogs, but you SHARE the child. I would be irate if there was so much crap to do in the morning and DH was just snoozing away (in fact, my DH probably feels that way about me when he's downstairs unloading the dishwasher, doing to garbage and washing bottles). HOWEVER, it evens out b/c although I "sleep" an hour longer, I get to have my shower and dressing dictated by the morning cries of a toddler, I get to dress her, feed her, drive her to daycare, drive back to the train, blah blah. My point? It's even - both ends suck.
In your house, it's not even, and it's not even close to being fair. If it was as easy 'toss the dogs outside while you're up already' then fine. But, it's clearly not and the dogs require more attention than you can give. He doesn't even need to get up at 5 to deal with them - what about getting up at 7 and doing it (meaning he only gets up a little bit earlier?). Or, he does Evie and you do the dogs.
I don't know, but I think you need to think more seriously about dragging his a$$ out of bed to help - - but maybe that's just me.
So you both work at the same place but you drive separately every morning so that your H can sleep in? I agree with Naylon. I don't know that I would even be able to let him sleep in the morning while I was running around like a crazy person. I would start banging pot and pans and *** together around 5am until everyone was up lol.
Sorry, it sounds like a rough morning.
This is what I do when I think H has slept in too long. I hope you're able to talk to each other and figure out a more even schedule. Good luck at work today, things like this are why I could never work with H.
Yeah, this sounds like a HUGE issue between you and your H. The way you're telling it, sounds like there is not even close to an even division in household responsibilities. And he shouldn't emotionally bully you about the dogs...that part bothers me the most.
Does he not care that you're doing all this work, or does he not see it? Sometimes men don't see it. Does he have things that he does that you don't, making him feel the day-to-day workload is fair because he takes on bigger projects? What does he do when he gets home from work?
We went on a walk by the river and really talked things through. Realized things escilated because it got brought up at the wrong time.
He cares, but usually doesn't see it. It is an ongoing issue for us. There are waves where he does a lot of stuff, then doesn't do much. Yes he does take on projects around the house, which I appreciate (but follow through sometimes isn't there). At night when he comes home, he does help get Evie ready for bed (entertain her while I change her diaper/try calming her down lately since she gets exausted quicky), gives her a bath 1/2 of the time, stays up and rocks her when teething, does a few dishes at night), mows the lawn about every other week, this outdoor project has been the big project lately. He just doesn't see things that need to be done and I have to have an ongoing list for him or remind him of things that need to be done.
Just kind of who he is. He never had chores growing up, so doesn't really know what needs to be done. He has gotten better, just times like this, grr argh.
My Blog Picture A Day Blog
Minus the baby stuff, this is DH and I to a "T". It doesn't help that his mother either let the house go to crap or always cleaned up after him. I think when they don't grow up with chores, this is normal. I'm really glad you could talk things out.