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Married w/ roommates?
DH and I are currently deployed and today we found a house back home to rent.
We have two friends, also soldiers, who after returning from deployment will have about 4 months left in the military. Theyeach want to rent a room from us instead of finding a place of their own. One is female and one is male. They are both of our close friends and we have 3 extra rooms so having them stay in 2 of the spares isnt a big deal.
Would you do a set up like this?
Since the home is primarily ours would it be out of place for us to set boundaries for them as far as guests go? Everything in the home would belong to us including the furniture that they would be using in their perspective rooms. Not sure if that would help sway your input. Thanks!
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
Re: Married w/ roommates?
I wouldn't do it but that's me.
There's an adjustment period for SM and spouse after deployment that can be stressful, adding house guests into the mix sounds like extra stress that neither one of you need nor does it give you the privacy you'll need and want after coming home.
I would absolutely not do that, but I like knowing that my space is my space. I like being able to do whatever I want in my home, and I like my alone time as well; I don't feel like having roommates is conducive to that.
Additionally (and take into account the fact that H has never been deployed so I really don't know too much about it), would it put a strain on yours and your DH's readjustment? Are you guys deployed together? If not, would having roommates make it harder for you to adjust to living together again? Those would be some of my concerns.
However, if you both decide that it's something that you can and want to do, I would definitely set boundaries, considering that it's your house.
Yes there is a definite adjustment period for a SM and a spouse upon redeployment, but DH and I were together this whole time so our transition period wont be the same as if he were returning alone. The house is two stories and they would be on a different floor than us so I am not worried about the privacy thing being a factor.
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
Yes DH & I are deployed together and live together in Iraq right now. I doubt our readjustment will be a problem because we havent been seperated. I have thought about the effects of having them in our home, but my marriage isnt on the list of things that I believe will be effected in a negative way. I am more concerned with if they want guests or to throw parties in our space. Actually its the girl that I am more worried about because she has the reputation of being a pariter. Would we be wrong to set boundaries since they would be paying for a room? What sort of boundaries would you suggest?
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
I personally would not want to do that, but whatever works for you guys. I also have not had a good history with room mates AT ALL, so that probably also colors my view.
I would maybe be more willing if I knew I got along with them and it was only for four months... but only if they really needed it or we needed to money, like bad.
I changed my name
67/200
I have known the girl for almost 4 years and at one time she worked under me. The guy is both of our friend so I am worried about moving in with strangers.
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
We dont really need the money, but it wouldnt hurt. It would be helping them out more than anything else. The cost of finding a one bedroom apt in Hawaii is expensive.
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
This is something I will miss as well ...
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
Well I'm a little bit confused about the situation after rereading your OP. Are you all going to be renting this place together? Whatever the situation, if you do decide to do this, then you all need to get together and set ground rules that you mutually agree upon, like when it's okay to have parties, quiet hours, who gets to do laundry when, etc.
No. DH and I have a one year lease on the place already. They would just be staying until they left the military. They will both be going home for the holidays so that takes off about one month of them with us. If they were renting the place WITH us then I think I would feel differently about establishing rules. I just see it as OUR place since we will be there the longest, it will be filled with our furniture, etc.
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
Even with our time at this duty station ending they would be gone before we would be leaving.
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
Photo bomb, yeah!
OP... It seems like your mind is already made up, not to mention you will have to live with them not us...
I will say this though::: even though you are friends with someone, does not mean you can live with them. (same goes for travel)
We've had three sets of roommates. The first guy neither or us knew and it was a disaster. We moved out after three months.
Then we had a female roommate (a friend of mine that I had lived with in college) for over a year before he deployed, and two roommates (guy and girl- the guy was a friend of H's and the girl was his fiance) for three months after he came back from a deployment.
The only two problems we really faced were with the second set. By then, Bean had been born which made me a little stricter with quiet hours and such. The other problem we faced was that the couple broke up two months into their stay but continued to live together and have sex. It was weird. And awkward. H and I didn't really know the fiance which made things a little more awkward.
Otherwise, things were fine. We own the house so it was pretty clear that we had final say in things. Our rules were simple- be an adult, pick up after yourself and try to be respectful of others in the house.
I don't think we'll ever have another roommate, but that's really only because we have Bean. If you know the people well enough, I think you'll be fine.
I lived with another couple for a couple years (they weren't married b/c at the time Denver didn't officially recognize gay partnerships). I didn't know them before moving in, but they became some of my closest friends.
One guy owned the house, and he took in a renter to help pay bills. Beforehand, we discussed some basic rules. Not rules exactly, but just lifestyles and how things generally worked, like sharing food or not. I was considerate and asked if they minded me having guests (it was never a problem), and they would ask me if they were thinking of throwing a party or something. As the owner, it's definitely not out of line to set some basic guidelines like "ask first."
They also had furniture, and so did I, so they got rid of theirs in my bedroom.
Wait, wait, hold the phone. You have a 2 story house in HAWAII? My husband is stationed in Hawaii as well, and even our one bedroom apartment cost 75% of my monthly paycheck. Jealous, party of one of here!
To get back to your question, I would definitely set boundaries on guests/parties. For a while, we rented a gorgeous house in Kaimuki with two of our best friends (A guy from my husband's platoon and his now wife), and the tension it was starting to put on our friendship was enough for us to give up living in the house... and I miss that house every day. Be sure that your guests know what is expected. If you think you can handle it, I'm sure your friends will appreciate though... even a crappy studio out here is absurdly expense.
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013