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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How to go about a military divorce when overseas
I had posted this in the trouble in paradise and they said I should post here.. So I'm just going to paste the link that way every thing that was said in the posts is all there too...
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/58812001/ShowThread.aspx#58812001
Re: How to go about a military divorce when overseas
If you want a divorce, get a divorce. Sounds like you've pretty much made your decision and don't want to carry on with counseling; which is your prerogative. Big time ickies on the not showering issue btw! He, however, is the one who has to organize an Early Return of Dependents (ERD) move for you from an overseas station as he is your sponsor. Then go see an attorney and get the ball rolling. I've known people to get divorced while overseas, so I know it's possible.Stan had a good idea with consulting JAG about how to get started. They can give you valuable advice.
Get your stuff organized and make preparations. Hope things work out the way you want them to!
Ditto.
I'm so completely grossed out by the not showering or brushing his teeth thing, that I'm having trouble focusing on the rest.
You sound wise beyond your years. I'd get out now. I like you're mom's take on things. Live YOUR life the way you want.
Like pp said, start with JAG. They can help you get your ducks in a row. GL.
Our JAG office had info packets just b/c it was so common. Go there first, grab the info, then come back if you have more questions.
I didn't read the OP, but I did an ERD for other reasons. It was a PITA getting all those signatures, but it probably would have been easier if I were going through a divorce. I know of other couples that did that and were literally out within about a week.
OK, I read the OP. Are you thinking about an ERD without a divorce, just for school? That's officially not an approved reason. The local command may allow, and in fact they had allowed it at my base right up until me when they changed the policy and started enforcing the regs.
I still got approval, but I had to take a different approach. Basically, I had to argue that lack of employment opportunities plus H's projected deployment of 18 months (6 months followed almost immediately by a 365) were negatively impacting my mental health, so school was the solution. It was only partly a stretch.
So, do you want a divorce or not? I can't imagine why you'd want to stay married to a child who apparently doesn't even like you, but if you do, your ERD process will be more difficult IME.
I want the divorce, but my mom says I should wait, go back to the states still married and act like everything is fine and then when he gets back tell him I want a divorce.. She is basically telling me to use him to pay for my expenses for the time being since all the money we have is technically his since I haven't worked since I moved here almost a year ago. That's why I'm wondering if I should just go ahead and get the ball rolling or listen to my parents, because they have been right this whole time about this.
No, all the money is not technically his, just b/c he was the only one employed. You are married. I don't know if NC is a joint property state, but that's why you need a lawyer, to help you with this.
I don't think you could get an ERD with him thinking everything's ok b/c it's so much paperwork and justification for the request. You have to get the squadron and group commanders, legal, chaplain, and a bunch of people in personnel to sign off, and he's probably going to be the one walking the paperwork. I had to meet with the squadron commander to talk to him about why I wanted to go, and if he hadn't agreed, the process would have ended right there. You can't go through all that to avoid divorcing and think he'll be in the dark.
And if you leave on your own, only he will get BAH, your stuff won't be shipped, and you'll pay your plane ticket OOP.
I'm not sure how one can justify living off someone you intend to divorce, simply because the marriage didn't work out. You have no right to use his job, his benefits, his career as pay back for a marriage you are unhappy with, especially since he didn't hold a gun to your head and force you to marry him.
You make some childish, impulsive decisions here and it's time to be a big girl and make some grown ass woman desicions. Suck it up, tell your H you want a divorce, then take your ass home. Get a big girl job and pay for school yourself.
You've lost a year. It's not as if you've spent twenty years with a man, put him through medical school or something all while taking care of his kids and suffering abuse.
Click me, click me!
You just need to EROD out of there with you and all your stuff, find a lawyer when you get home and divorce him. I did that. I was overseas, I decided on a divorce, went through the proper paperwork, and was EROD out, waited for my residency to transfer back and there you go.
Talk to JAG, they will get you started or even your FRG leader. Mine helped me out. It may take a month or two to EROD, but it will get done.
Make sure you go to JAG before he does, because once he does, they can't talk to you. And they aren't magicians, they have to follow the law (my H is one, and you'd be surprised at the phone calls he'll get with requests to get people out of stuff they got themselves into in the first place).
Also, you divorce in the state where you currently live, not where you got married. Most have a waiting period for residency. So if you go to your parents' house, you likely have to wait 6 months to start the process wherever they live. Whoever files first gets to pick the state.
That's not necessarily true. We (AF legal offices) take husband/wife duos, they just each have to see a different attorney. The whole office isn't conflicted out.