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need initiating advice!
So, I've been lurking but need to post to get some advice!
So, my SO and I haven't been together for an incredibly long time, but know we want to get married. Everything is great, except for the sex life... He doesn't ever initiate, even though he's always more than willing and has no problem getting it up. I think I may be his first, but we have never talked about our past because it's our past. We just knew we're clean.But because he doesn't initiate, we have sex maybe once a week- since we only see each other a few times a week at this point with work and distance.
At the beginning, it would take him awhile to get off, now it's like 1 or 2 minutes. Total premature. I feel like it's the practice round, and then we'll go again in a little bit and then he can hold out. He's also not super big so we are limited in some positions. We have also never done oral!! We've talked about it, want to- he knows I like it, but never has initiated it, which has thus made me never initiate because I get shy (which will change tonight). I think he is also super shy when it comes to all of this and fears doing something wrong- he's not very good with foreplay. But I need this! I love him and want him in my life no matter what, so I need to get this figured out! I don't have a huge sex drive myself, but I know I want more. We bought some games and sex position books that we are going to try out tonight, but I'm scared. What if it doesn't work? How do I talk to him about being more confident and making moves because that's what gets me going???
Re: need initiating advice!
If you can't talk about your sex life, you shouldn't be having sex.
Don't put yourself in the thought pattern of "I love him no matter what". Your sex life is important. Every married friend of mine with bedroom troubles had those problems BEFORE they said "I do". Get these things ironed out before you settle down because as you can see from your own post, an out of sync sex life can really undermine a couple's happiness.
Start googling "premature ejaculation". There is a lot of information on techniques that will help him postpone orgasm. And you have to talk to him about it -- if he is the kind of guy who is unwilling to talk about your sexual issues (or his ego is too delicate) run for the hills.
"How do I talk to him...."
Easy.
Talk to him......then have some fun.