Maine Nesties
MainelyFoolish
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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I feel foolish, too
Yesterday at church I wore an empire waist dress and a little old lady said, "I see you're expecting again!" 
Aside from being a sucker punch to the old ego, that comment brought to the forefront of my thinking the fact that the ol' biological clock is rapidly ticking away if we are going to have a second child (we wouldn't want a second kid more than 5 years apart from the first). DH had wanted two kids, then I convinced him that we would be "one and done," and now I'm just confused. DH is waiting to see if my current confusion is just a passing thing - fair enough - but he's still leaning toward sticking with one. I have my annual OB/GYN appointment on 12/1 and I figure we need to decide by then if I should have my IUD removed or not. 
Re: I feel foolish, too
Just food for thought... I'm an only child and although I'm sure more than one is tough while they're growing up, it's those hard times in life where I would love to have had a sibling. When my parents pass away, it will be just me to take care of all of that. And when my dad was sick, I didn't have anyone that truly knew what I was going through.
Now, don't get me wrong... there are definite perks to being an only child as well but I just wanted to throw that out there.
Plus, you make some ADORABLE children. hehehe.
Why the F do people think it's OK to say things like that unless they are absolutely positive the person is pregnant. I've had this happen to me before too. It sucks.
I go back and forth about whether I want more than one kid too. If we have one kid, we can afford to give him a decent life financially. I'm not sure we could afford two kids in daycare, two wardrobes for school clothes, two college tuitions, etc. It would be a huge struggle and we might have to work more and end up not spending as much time with our kids. If we have one child, we may be able to actually spend more time with him because we're not working so hard trying to support two kids. Plus I dread having to deal with sibling rivalry and having them fight about stuff all the time.
I also think about the fact that if we just have one kid he'll have to take care of dh and I when we get to be elderly and deal with our funeral arrangements, etc on his own. However both my parents have siblings who were completely useless when their parents were sick and dying. both siblings basically do nothing but bring stress and drama to the lives of my parents. So I don't think siblings always are what they are cracked up to be. LOL
I don't know....I know there are pros and cons to both arguments I guess. If we want another one it will have to be pretty soon after we have this kid, since I'm already 33 and don't want to be pregnant after 36 (at the latest). We'll see I guess!
I had DD when I was 33 and I'm 36 now; I'd be 37 by the time we have another kid, if we go that route. If I don't have another one by 38, we'll definitely be done with one.
Before now, anytime I though of having another kid I would hyperventilate. Now, with Helen being a lot more independent and going to preschool, I could see how I could possibly handle another one.
Money is somewhat of an issue. We don't have to worry about daycare since I SAH but with two kids, every vacation/dinner out/family activity will cost 33% more than with only one kid. We'd like to pay for our kid(s) college education and we're saving toward it but if tuition continues to increase the way it has over the last decade there's no way we'd be able to pay in full for two kids. And there would be two sets of birthday and holiday presents, two sets of summer camp and school activities, two sets of braces, etc, etc. Gulp.
I go back and forth on the sibling or no sibling thing. I think that people who grew up without siblings romanticize what it's really like to have a sibling. Some siblings get along great and some hate each other; there's no way to tell what you're going to end up with. My dad has a sister that he hates and she was worse than useless when my grandfather was sick and dying. Even when there are multiple siblings, there's almost always one kid who gets the responsiblity of caring for the aging parents' affairs. A sibling is no guarantee of support or help later on in life. When people say "a sibling is a gift" I want to say, "no, a pony is a gift, a sibling is a person."
I'm scared of multiples. I don't have any family history of fraternal twins but I understand the risk goes up with advanced maternal age. I think I would lose my mind if I had twins.
I'm scared of illness or disability. Again, the risk increases with AMA.
And yet, I feel like I'm catching the fever. Stupid biological urges.
There's no denying that my life would be easier if I stuck with one kid. But would it be richer with two? I have to say, my kid is the just the cutest, funniest, most interesting little individual I've ever had the pleasure to know (yeah, I'm a bit biased). Did I hit the baby jackpot or could lightning strike twice?
(P.S. Thanks for letting me get this all out here. DH is tired of listening to me talk!)
People are so rude - I will never understand why anyone thinks that is an okay comment to make!
Once, at a certain family owned restaurant in Freeport, the matriarch of said family asked me very sweetly and sincerely in her heavy Greek accent, "When your baby is coming?" I was wearing a fairly bulky sweater, but come on!
I hope you and DH will both kind of just "arrive" at the conclusion that works for your family, at the same time and in time for your appointment!
It's a huge decision, I can totally see being confused.
1) Sorry you got mistaken for a preggo... I think some of the shirts I've got with the empire waist make people think the same thing of me. I'm waiting for the day I'm eating like a cow, complaining about being tired, and wearing one of those shirts- it'll be the perfect storm for someone ending up putting their foot in their mouth!
2) Sorry you're stuck on the teeter-totter of to TTC or not to TTC. We know we want to try for a second (though I like you wonder if I'll get so lucky with a second awesome kiddo) but I'm stuck in a "well, we can't afford it now, but I'm already 33, and everyone says you just make it work, but no really, we can't afford it. But I don't want a huge gap between them, now would be perfect to try again. But DH are still working through some of our closeness issues after having one, so do I want to throw that off again? And we really can't afford it. Hmph." So I know how it goes when your heart and mind aren't in sync in your own head, let alone in DH's!
I'm sure whatever decision you come to will be right. I mean really, you can't go wrong if you stick with one love bug or decide to have 2- there's lots of love no matter what.
I don't mean for this to encourage or discourage anyone, but as someone with a sibling who's five years younger, I say either have them close together or only have one. The benefits that you get from growing up with a sibling aren't really there if they're that far apart. I've always been in a different life stage than she is and so we coexisted rather than having any kind of special sibling connection. Maybe every situation isn't like that, but I think that when people think of having two kids, they think of them playing together and hanging out together and the older one looking out for the younger one, but once you get to a gap that large, it's harder for that stuff to happen naturally. The grass is always greener, I guess.
And just like almost everyone else has said, as our parents age, she's not/will not be particularly helpful because she's pretty irresponsible. Though I think that's more luck of the draw than anything. On the other hand, babies!
I bet you'll arrive at the "right" decision without too much effort. But don't feel like you need to change your plan just because it crossed your mind, kwim?
I have a brother who is 8 years younger. It's true that we never really did a whole lot together growing up (I only vaguely remember him being around as a baby through early toddler because I was busy with my own kid business) and he annoyed me by always wanting to hang around with my friends when I was too big for little kid nonsense. But now that we're both adults, he and I get a long great and I'm so happy to have him. We may not be best friends, but we have shared memories, can understand the kooky family dynamics better than anyone else, and truly enjoy each others' company when we have the chance to hang out. I wouldn't trade him for the world. He was an oops baby, and I always say he's the best mistake my parents ever made.
So yeah, it's probably a case by case thing- you just never know what you're going to get and how a relationship might come out, no matter what you imagine or romanticize!
My brother is 5 years younger than me. In some ways we grew up as siblings and in some ways we grew up as two only children. We only ever attended the same school at the same time for one year (him K, me 5th grade). We almost never shared the same interests or friends, although that had as much to do with our different genders as with our age difference. As adults, we're friendly but I wouldn't say we're very close. I'm married with a kid, living in Maine; my brother is living the single life in an apartment near DC. We're still in pretty different places in our lives.
Whether or not we add on to our family, we'd be doing it for ourselves, not for DD. Now I just have to figure out what I want! Why is this so darn hard?!
1) At the end of July I went to get a mani/pedi with my sister before she left to live in Korea for a year. While there, the sweet lil' thing doing my pedi asked how far along I was. Since I was trying, I wasn't completely mad. And I know that the sun dress thing I was wearing was far from flattering. But it definitely made us both laugh and me wish that she was right and that I was. Unless it is REALLY an obvious baby bump, why would you risk asking?
2) DH and I are obviously still working on cooking up number 1 for us. But we're also on the "lets see how it goes with one" train. I really want 2 because I was blessed with an awesome relationship with my three-years-younger sister and can't imagine my life without a sibling. Also, our kid isn't going to have any "true" cousins or other kids in their generation for a long time if ever. As has already been raised, I would hate to put the one kid in the situation of caring for DH and I as we get old or having to make tough decisions. My parents have both lost all of their parents and their siblings were both active participants in the choices that had to be made. I'm glad neither of them had to do it alone. Financially, we are blessed to be able to afford to have two. But whether I can get DH on board is another story. We'll see how we feel once we have a toddler wandering around.
right now we are on the one and done train. I would say I am 99.9% convinced.
It's not an easy decision at all. Kimberly I hope you are able to make the choice that is best for your family!
My MIL and her younger sister are 10 years apart (no kids inbetween) and they're very close as adults. You just never know how it will work out.
I always assumed we'd have two...and while we haven't even gotten started on one yet, I've been wondering if we may only have one. DH is the oldest of three and stands by the fact that three is wayyy too many...I'm the oldest of two and, while my brother and I fought a lot growing up, I can't imagine what life would have been like without him - I think I needed someone to steal some of the limelight from me
Now, even though he is still back in NY, still living at home, I feel very much connected to him. We don't talk often and didn't hang out a ton even was I was still living nearby, but there is a comfort in knowing he is there. Thoughts like this are what make me want to have two...but the thought of expenses and time freak me out. Whoever brought up the two birthday parties, two sets of Christmas gifts, two sets of school supplies, etc., thanks for the eye-opener...I was stuck on the cost of daycare!
And on the topic of how far is too far apart age-wise...DH has a brother who is three years younger and one who is twelve years younger. I realize twelve years is generally an unplanned gap (and I'm about 85% sure this was), but now he is much, much closer with the youngest than the middle...so, there's that!
Coming in late on this one since I didn't want to type it out on the iPhone! I'm in the same boat as you Kimberly. We are very happy with 1 and are going back and forth. It will definitely be about us and not for DD's benefit of having a sibling etc. I do have to consider our family and her b/c of my health risks, but so far I've been given clearance on that .We have the money to be able to have two, but just aren't sure yet about the lifestyle of two. We were also very blessed with an easy going, healthy child. Decisions decisions. The first time was difficult, but the second one will definitely effect more lives this time around! In regards to siblings etc. there is no perfect scenario. DH was an only child and was/ is very happy. He feels no extra burden regarding his folks if something happens. His parents have things financially set and he has friends and me who he can lean on when something happens. Me, I'm the youngest of 4, The closest in age to me is 9 years older and the furthest is 14. Right now, my older sister and I are the only ones talking. Even though I'm the youngest ,if something happens to my mom I'll be responsible for it and wont have much help from any of my siblings. So, I'll be leaning on my husband. So, we're not taking those thoughts into consideration for DD. I'm not worried about how far apart they are etc. , it's more for me. At what age for myself do I want to stop. Also, once DD is in school, do I want to go through the newborn stage again or maybe that would be the best timing etc.
I think as you near a little deadline you have for yourself you start to waiver, even if you were firm in your beliefs before. It's natural. I know you though and I know you''ll make the best decision for you and your family. Until then, exciting stuff
Just think of all the fun, new stuff you could buy hehe