Houston Nesties
msanyang9
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is it wrong to say no to ALL kids parties!!!!!
My hubby comes from a huge family and I love them to death. But because it's such big family there is always a wedding, graduation, quinceneira, baby shower, birthday party(lots of kids birthday parties) or just because bbqs. Last month we spent 3 out of 4 saturdays at family functions.
So now "we" ( meaning me) have decided that since we don't have any kids, we will decline all invitations to kids birthday parties. Is this wrong cos i feel a bit guilty
Re: Is it wrong to say no to ALL kids parties!!!!!
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I would say you can inact any type of no-kids-party policy you'd like....as long as you are OK with your family returning the same favor once you DO have kids of your own.
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If you have something else to do, esp. if they're tying up all of your Saturdays, I wouldn't have a problem saying no to a couple, but like JAX said, to institute an attendance policy is a little bit odd to me.
This. Why make a policy. Just play it by ear. If you can't make birthday party or BBQ here or there everyone will understand.
If you say sorry we don't want to go to any of your kid's parties, you will rub some people the wrong way. Not sure that's the tone you want to set with his family.
First off I can totally relate. My DH is also from a ginormous family & are constantly having parties/events/etc. At the beginning of our marriage we tried to attend everything; it quickly overwhelmed & exhausted us. So we had a conversation about how we couldn't do everything & still get all our stuff done. Now we don't feel obligated to attend 100% family functions. We play them by ear & go either together or solo depending on what else is going on in our life. We in no way feel obligated to attend or skip. But we also haven't alienated the whole family by never going.
And I think CallMeKel made a great point too.
This part of your post really rubbed me the wrong way. If I made a blanket statement that we (or I) would no longer go to kids' birthday parties for my DH's family, he'd be crushed. And I wouldn't blame him. If this is a decision that you & your DH are making together, that's one thing. But if you decide to place a restriction your IL interaction without consulting him, you risk hurting him.
This. Your kiddos's birthday parties could be a little on the small side later in life. Just think about it.
Wow!! that was like a bucket of cold water to the face. point taken
I fail to see how this was offensive, unless you just mean that it was an eye-opening response that you hadn't thought about before ?
It's nice to want to be at family functions, but I agree, it can get exhausting. I would just plan to make it to the immediate family or milestone events, and then don't plan the others. Usually, if we don't have anything else scheduled, that weekend gets filled up by something else. If you have the weekend free by the time the event comes around and can go, by all means, feel free to spend time with the fam, but if you are busy or just want a "home" day, don't be afraid to tell family that you "already had plans", etc. if they ask where you guys were. Do you feel like ALL of the family members go to EVERY event, as well? Or do you see some people there one time and other another? I am sure everyone is busy and can't make it to all events, and no one probably even notices.
GL!
oh not offended at all. Just never thought of it like that
It might have been blunt, and I think that is what she meant by a bucket of cold water.
But I have to admit I was going to quote Kel and simply say "ditto." I don't think you have to go to all, but if you never went to any, they would probably do the same to you when you have kids some day. I would try to attend the milestone birthdays and adult celebrations like baby showers, weddings, etc.
Being a family means sharing in each others joys, celebrations, as well as times of need. It can be a PITA sometimes when it's a big family, but I can tell you - for 15 years of the first 31 years of my life, my mom was married to a man with a big family and every other weekend was a GTG of 40 people or more. They divorced 4 years ago and it has not only been an adjustment - it is lonely and depressing to not have the family once you have had all the good and the bad that comes with all of them. You may be giving more now, but when you need to receive you will have paid it forward and will reap the returns in love and support.
- Paula Deen to 104.1 KRBE's Producer Eric 9/17/2011