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Dbag's bday? WWAND?

Last year we really didn't do anything for dbag's bday because we were in the middle of the whole 'had to fly back to the states to get the papers signed that dbag refused to sign before we moved'. So he got an email from the airport terminal from R and thar was it.

I don't know if I shared all the drama surrounding R's bday and how dbag freaked out because we wouldn't be home for R to skype on his bday, but he went on and on about how people should get phone calls etc for their bday (also, his gift was a week and a half late). Then he swore for my bday that R would skype me, send a card, and a gift, because it was the right thing to do.

Fast forward to this summer when it was my bday. They missed our regularly scheduled skype session three days before my bday and were too busy to skype on my bday. I did get an email from R saying the bday card he bought me was really funny. The card never arrived, I got no gift or skype.

Dbag's bday is in November, two weeks after my due date and a few days before E's bday...

So WWYD for dbag's bday?

Re: Dbag's bday? WWAND?

  • As much as I know you want to just blow it off, I would still have R pick out a gift and card to send, and Skype with d-bag. Be the bigger person, and know you are doing the right thing for R.  D-bag is still his dad, even if he is a sucky one.  R will figure it out on his own someday.  For now, don't give d-bag anything to fuel the fire with.  
  • While my initial reaction was, "F&ck him!", you should probably be the bigger person and have him make his Dad a card and mail it too him at the very least. That way when the time comes later, which it will, you can rub it in his face and appear like the better person.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • The most important thing is to keep a positive relationship between R and his biological father.  Regardless of the crap-slinging between you and him.  R is not the cause of it and honestly he shouldn't even know there are ill feelings between you.  Even if all the work to maintain their relationship is done by you, it's the right thing to do.  You don't want R to look back in 20 years and ask why you didn't do more; you want to be able to show him that you've done everything in your power.  If his bio father doesn't reciprocate that's on him, but as long as he's not harming R physically or emotionally you need to keep extending that olive branch for R's sake.  Send him a card and have R skype him.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imagebrynners:
    As much as I know you want to just blow it off, I would still have R pick out a gift and card to send, and Skype with d-bag. Be the bigger person, and know you are doing the right thing for R.  D-bag is still his dad, even if he is a sucky one.  R will figure it out on his own someday.  For now, don't give d-bag anything to fuel the fire with.  

    This.  Be the bigger person in this situation.  Plus, from the little that I know of your story, his dad obviously has his priorities, at times, mixed up but he is still dad.  Don't be the driving wedge between the relationship.

  • Agreed, send a card and do the Skype.  It's sad when the kids suffer because of d-bag situations, but at least you can do the right thing until he's 18 and can decide for himself.  I see this a lot with my ex-SIL and my neice.  My bro is a good person, but made out to be a d-bag because that's what ex-SIL thinks of him, when in reality, he is a good dad.
  • I would have R make him a card and Skype.  Leave it at that.  I agree with everyone else that, while you want to tell him to go fvck himself, he's still R's dad (sigh).  When R's old enough he can take the lead on what to do for his dad's birthday. Until then, slap on a smile :)
    * DS1...allergic to dairy, peanuts, eggs and turkey *
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    love is for every her, love is for every him, love is for everyone
  • While I agree with what everyone else is saying, I had a Dbag dad growing up (he figured out how to act, oh, when I was 23? Now our relationship is fine-ish)  and I honestly loathed having to send him cards, gifts, etc for his birthday and it had nothing to do with my mom's feelings toward him because she is the one who pushed me to do it all.  In retrospect, I wish my mom would have just let me decide if I should do it or not.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Send a card and skype.

    My mom loathes my real-dad and she never hid it.  Ever.  She would call my real-dad names and never spoke highly of him to me.  I know your ex is a d-bag, but let your son figure that out.  I eventually learned that my dad isn't perfect, but he's still my dad.

  • I can see Robyn's point but since he is still so little I would have him pick out a card to send & Skype. I think there is a lot of unspoken communication that kids pick up on & you don't want to perpetuate any negativity there.
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