Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Not what we signed up for
What do you do when, a year and a half in, you don't feel like this is the marriage either of you signed up for?
We don't want a divorce at all, but we're fighting so much lately, and we just can't agree on our priorities.
Re: Not what we signed up for
We need more information.
How old are each of you?
How long did you date before getting married?
What are these priorities you can't agree on?
Have you been to counseling?
Have you tried counseling?
What are you fighting so much about?
Did you discuss these priorities before you got married?
Yeah, lots of info missing here.
Does "not what you signed up for" mean abuse, or does it mean you both had a lot of expectations you never shared that are not being met? As that is a BIG difference.
How long did you know one another before marriage?
How old are you?
What are the issues?
How do you address those issues?
Are these issues you discussed before marriage?
Counseling is a start - both marital and individual - but if the issue is abuse (be it physical, mental, emotional, etc), infidelity, etc, then my opinion changes.
Now I've only been married 5 months but my H & I had been bickering more lately than normal- & over the stupidest things. I bought this book right before we got married for fun and I just got it back out a few weeks ago to re-read when I realized how we were communicating. We communicate or talk to each other about everything but not in the best way sometimes. "Talk to Me: How to Create Positive Loving Communication [Paperback] S. R. Martin" (someone on here recommended it to me). Course you may communicate just fine but still reading it could help. It goes into honesty, trust & everything.
Maybe try and pick a night where you guys and do something together and not talk about bills, finances, your home or anything grown up. Just enjoy each other like you did before you had to worry about all that stuff.
GL!
I have a problem with the line 'Not what we signed up for.'
When that phrase it used I can't help but conjure up images of two people signing a contract for cell phones only to realize it doesn't cover what they wanted, or buying a freezer of meat just to realize they don't like the taste of venison.
If you want advice I think we need more info.
What exactly did you "sign up for"? Marriage isn't all roses and bliss forever. Did you not discuss your expectations before you got married? A year into it and now you're finding out you aren't on the same page? Depending on the priorities you're talking about, you could be talking huge dealbreakers (finding out he doesn't want kids and you do, he wants to go off on a trek to India for two years, you don't), or things that really aren't a big deal (going to Olive Garden vs. McDonald's). [Bad examples, I know. I'm a little foggy today.]
Without any other details, there's no way any of us could begin to guess what the arguing is about or what priorities on which you don't agree. What did you think marriage was going to be? If you're arguing all the time, it's likely time for counseling to learn how to talk to each other productively.
Thanks so much. That was exactly what I needed to hear. We're doing just that - bickering about ridiculous things. And having a hard time having fun with each other. Thanks for the encouragement!
/ded
Sigh. Of course.
You don't know her! She's mature for her age, you bitter old hag!!
She feels sorry for our husbands!!