June 2008 Weddings
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
s/o losing a spouse...do you and your H have a plan in place?
I know its something none of us want to think, much less talk about, but have you talked to your DH about what would happen should one of you pass away? Kids, belongings, money, etc.?
Re: s/o losing a spouse...do you and your H have a plan in place?
I know in professional life, people are supposed to have things set up in their jobs as though they were planning on getting hit by a bus as soon as they leave work. Sounds extreme, but its a good reason to take good notes on all my case files, have all letters sent asap, etc.
That's how we've set up our personal life too. I'm in charge of the money (not a power thing, DH is just borderline apathetic whereas I'm a sucker for charts, graphs and budgeting), so I have a spreadsheet on my computer with amounts owed on which debts, amounts of monthly payments, due dates etc. I also have a reference to where my usernames and passwords are on all online accounts, and I have my student loan information of where he should send my death certificate so he doesn't keep paying those. In addition, I have the contact info for my HR people down here so DH can call and get everything straightened out with my lfie insurance, retirement accounts, pension, etc. Finally, on the personal level, I've told DH that I want my niece to have one stuffed animal of mine (a special one I've had since childhood), my parents and sibs can pick out what they want, he can keep what he wants, and take the rest to goodwill. He does not need to keep my stuff around. We have DH's stuff organized in a similar manner, and I know his personal wishes with his random stuff.
I know DH gets really creeped out when we discuss it, but I think its so important that one spouse know the others wishes so that feelings of guilt and feelings of being overwhelmed by external stuff is minimized. I can't help but feel like that would assist in the grieving process.
I manager our finances as well, and have a document very similar to yours with all the important info. That's about it though. I have a few things I would my sister to have, but that's it.
Yes, we're morbid I guess.
We did our wills over the Summer and chose who would get Janie and future kids, who would manage her trust, who would execute our wills, etc. DH's brother will be our executor so DH laid out for him where all our financial docs are, our bank, our insurance info, where the will are, etc.
We've also had the talk about our end of life wishes w/r/t hospice, life support and stuff.
As someone who lost their father at a young age married to someone who sees death every single day - - I (we) just feel it's really important.
Yes. I don't want him have to dealing with minute matters during grief.
He doesn't share my feelings and has outrageous requests so I told what's going to happen and I will try to honor his wishes but somethings may not be possible.
The biggest issue is our house. He wants me to keep it and I don't want to. Because of some things that have happened in the past and our pre-nup, I could legally walk away from the financial aspect of the house. It's old and in the middle of nowhere and I can't see staying there alone and having to deal with the upkeep by myself ( same goes for renting it out). He has an emotional attachment to the house and I don't. I want to respect his wishes but he won't be the one dealing with anything and I can't get him to see that the house would be a huge burden on me. I may feel differently in reality ( God Forbid) but from a practical standpoint at the current moment, it would be too big of a burden.
Everything else we agree on and have discussed.
Uh... no. DH does all the financial stuff, and while I could probably take some good guesses at passwords, they are not written down anywhere. So, putting that on the "to do" list. Other than that, it's not too complicated because we don't own a home, have any debts, or any kids. I just IMed him to ask about his wishes on living will stuff (which I already knew) and if he wants anything to go to anyone specific. His response was "eh, pull the plug, and you can have it all". Clearly, he's not too concerned. We have discussed that we both want to be cremated, but no plans beyond that (I don't need to be scattered in Lake Michigan or anything).
We've also discussed that we would want Obie to go live with his parents, but we should probably mention that to them at some point instead of just assuming that's the way it would work.
m/c 7/17/10
Dx: MFI- 3% morph
IUIs: Gonal-F + Ovidrel + b2b IUI= BFNs
IVF with ICSI= BFP! EDD 11/25/11
3/18- Beta #1 452! 3/20- Beta #2 1,026!! 3/27- First u/s- TWINS!
Our twin boys arrived at 36w5d due to IUGR and a growth discordance
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.