April 2010 Weddings
festivegal2008
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Kids and sleepovers
OK ladies, what are your opinions on kids having their friends spend the night? Do you think it should be a once in awhile thing, or are you fine with it happening on a regular basis?
Edited for prying eyes.
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Re: Kids and sleepovers
Ah sleepovers. Yes I understand your desire to not have it be on a regular basis. Does she have sleepovers at her mom's or other people's houses? I don't think having them during the school year is so bad as long as there are plans on homework being completed, the start and esp end time are worked out in advance and it's low key for parents. I think you may be making it into a big deal a little bit depending if she has them often at her mom's.
If she doesn't have them at her mom's maybe let up a little on it. If thats the case maybe thats a sign you guys create a nice environment for having friends over. If she has them at her mom's then unfortunately you guys have to moderate the sleepovers in the not so fun way. My SD had sleepovers pretty frequently at her mom's and then comes here and wants to have them with NDN here. We had to say no bc of the frequency was too much and yes it is a privilege. Once a month is more than enough but keep in mind if she's a good kid and gets good grades then give her a little leeway. If her grades slide or she misbehaves then those privileges get revoked.
Good luck deciding what you and DH think is best for her and you guys. I'm always happy to give you my experience since I've lived with DH for 2 yrs before we got married so I've dealt with this for a while. My SD is 12, I think you, George-Anne and I have SDs pretty close in age. We have great resources here!
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Sleepovers were a regular thing for me during middle school and into my high school years. My Mom's only request was that I not be gone all the time and that some sleepovers take place at our home so she could monitor what was going on. During high school especially I had such a close-knit set of friends that we spent every possible weekend together, and that's not an exaggeration. It's part of the reason those women are still some of my closest confidants in these later years - because we have history.
As an adult who's working towards being a parent now, I see your dilemma. However, I don't know that I'd agree that this would be considerable to your SD walking all over you and getting everything she wants. She's not asking for money and selfishly making unreasonable demands; she's asking to spend silly quality time with her best friend...as long as they're not sneaking out or keeping you up until 4am I don't see an issue with it. When I would spend the night with my friend Vicki, we always knew in advance that we had errands and chores to run with either parent the next day - it wasn't a matter of us getting what we wanted and running amuck - it was simply that we wanted to share time together doing whatever it was that we normally did on a weekend. She became a part of our family and I a part of hers. I'm grateful that my Mom gave me the opportunity to share in such adventures with her.
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I guess this is where I am lucky I have a boy.
My DS has had a few sleepovers, but they have pretty much have only been for birthday parties when he was younger.
My parents used to let me have sleepovers a lot. It seemed like every friend I had had a slumber party and then I even had friends sleep over in high school.
As a parent now, I think it would be on rare occasion just because I enjoy my mornings and don't always want to deal with other people other than my DH and DS.
I understand your feelings, at the same time, I loved sleepovers at your SD's age, but I don't think it needs to be all the time. Every 2-3 months sounds fair to me.
Edit: Changed to DS.
I don't think she has them regularly at her mom's, but, BFF's parents let SD stay over their house a lot. Mostly because they don't want her staying home alone while they work late but the girls are 13 so they don't need a "sitter." SD is there to keep her company. I get all parents are different. Since it wasn't a "rite of passage" at our house growing up that's the mindset I'm used to. By the way, we were talking about this with NDN and he took my side in the argument. He only let his son do sleepovers once in awhile as a kid.
There's no correct answer...you have to do what you feel is right and appropriate. It's not easy to satisfy everyone. I wasn't allowed to have sleepovers unless it was my cousins, until I was about 10. After that, it was allowed if it was a birthday party or something, I don't remember my friends having sleepovers for no reason, unless my mom kiboshed them and I didn't even know it!
With that said, being that your SD is an only child, she might want a little more company than a kid who has siblings, so I would probably give in to her a little more often for that reason. I had a sister, and we shared a room until I was 13, so every night was like a sleepover to us. Maybe she craves a little company.
Whatever you and your hubby decide will be the right thing, your SD sounds like a reasonable kid.
Thanks for all the input. DH niece used to stay over all the time but maybe I felt that was different because she's family. Or perhaps that since she's almost 21 and hasn't slept over in almost 3 years, I've become used to it being just the 3 of us.
SD is a very good and respectful kid. She has agreed without any argument to wait to ask for another sleepover until after the new year, although we may make an exception and treat her BFF to an evening at Greenfield Village for their holiday event right before Christmas and let her stay over then. Like I said before, her friend is no trouble at all. We just want to teach SD that sleepovers with friends are supposed to be a treat and not a habit. This is the 3rd time in less than 2 months that she's stayed over and I personally feel that it's a little too much.
I agree that sleepovers are a treat & not a regular thing. SD had a slumber party (2 friends spent the night) the weekend before school started & she hasn't had a sleep over at our house since then. She did have a friend spend the night at her mom's house a couple of weekends after that & spent the night with the same friend last weekend (her mom's weekend) b/c it was the friend's sister's 16th birthday & they were having a party.
I think you're right Cindy. It's a once in a while treat not an every weekend thing.
Okay, I am on the other end of the spectrum when it came to sleepovers when I was growing up. Seriously, I had like less than five the entire time! It sucked. Friends were rarely even welcome at our house. My dad is very odd and a private person, so I hated every bit of not being able to have friends over. However, I was at friends' houses all the time! Most weekends I wasn't at my house both Friday and Saturday night, I slept at a friends at least one night per weekend. I got very good grades, and my parents never had to worry about that as an issue at all.
When I'm a parent, I cannot wait for our kids to have friends over! I seriously want to have our house be the hang-out spot for our kids and their friends! I love entertaining guests, though. And do it already about every weekend with people at least coming over to watch football. It helps that our house is across the street from the football field and like a block away from the school, so it will be a great location for kids to hang after school is over and for sleepovers on weekends.
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Yes, I told SD that her BFF is welcome here ANY time. But sleepovers every 3 weeks have got to cease.
Danie - you are brave. I think I'd rip my hair out if I had a ton of kids hanging at my house every weekend. But then again I am, after all, the crazy lady who chose not to have any. :-p
Not odd at all! You enjoy company!
My thing is I have a low tolerance for noise at night. Amanda & her friend are pretty good about keeping quiet though but when my other friend's girls stay over they're 7 and 10 so they're a little louder and more energetic. They're still good little houseguests (when their parents aren't around) but because I chose not to have kids I think that's why I can only take other people's kids in my house in small doses (SD not included, of course - I don't even consider her a kid anymore!). I just don't have the energy at night to entertain them so I let SD do that.
As for entertaining in general I'm cool with having a few friends over once in awhile but when we have big parties (i.e. SD birthday party) I get a little antsy because I'm always afraid someone will make a mess, although parties are outside (since all my SILs and BILs smoke and there's no smoking in the house) DH nephews like to come inside and watch TV and they always end up spilling or breaking something. And they are aged 17-27 but they're boys and they're rough.