Starting Over
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I will never have a roommate ever again
I'll live in a studio in the ghetto before I'll have another female roommate. It's NOTHING like living with a significant other, and I hate it. I can't have any privacy with my boyfriend, hell, I can't have any privacy with myself unless I'm shut in my bedroom.
Her stuff has overtaken the house, and I feel claustrophobic. the utility bills have risen to where I'm maybe getting $200 a month cleared from the rent she's paying. The house gets dirty faster, and I'm the one that ends up cleaning up. Plus, she's got some weird quirks that drive me nuts.
Take it from me, single ladies, live small and alone. It's not even worth having a house that I can't enjoy because I have to have a roommate to make ends meet now.
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Re: I will never have a roommate ever again
Having your own space is so important. Although I live with DS (obviously), I love having MY house, everything organized how I want, and if there's a mess, it means that I caused it and I can elect when to clean it. No one to report to, deal with, or babysit.
Did she sign a lease or can you ask her to move out at some point? Have you asked her to help around the house? Can you raise the rent to X plus half of utilities or something to help cover the excess usage?
She's my cousin, and she's only here for a year while she's completing her residency. She's paying the most she can pay because of her astronomical student loans. She'll do things occasionally, but in my mind, if I were living in someone else's house, I'd be doing more, like taking out the trash if it was full, instead of just shoving more stuff in the can, or taking the can to and from the curb instead of letting it sit for 2 days when they're not home. I'd certainly not leave dishes strung all over the kitchen counters. I guess I just have more consideration, I suppose.
I completely understand. I had a roommate like that in college and the resentment grew and grew the entire year because she didn't do her share. Maybe your cousin is still in that college mentality and is so focused on school that she doesn't notice the mess? I'm like you, I'd be doing as much as I could to be considerate of the other person.
Have you actually set up a chores list? Are you expecting her to "just do it because she should know it needs to be done"? She is probably exhausted and these things may just not occur to her to do.
Discuss and post some house rules:
1.) if you dirty it, you clean it.
2.) if you fill it up, dump it out.
3.) do the right thing.
And a chore list.
I totally know what you mean, I HATED having roommates!! my downstairs is all one open area, so if me and the bf were on the couch watchin tv and my roomie was in the kitchen she's like RIGHT BEHIND US and if we wanted any privacy we'd have to go up to my room. And just so much damn drama.
I'd definitely talk to her about the cleaning, especially since she can't pay a decent amount of rent. you are stuck with her for a year so make it as bearable as you possibly can.
I totally agree. I'm currently in a tiny, 475 sq ft unit in a triplex but I LOVE having my own space. No chore charts, no other people's stuff around, plus, I have dogs, and I don't mind if they sit on the couch or shed and I'll clean it when I want (which is every couple of days, but still). I will remain in this tiny place as long as need be rather than have a roommate.
And living with relatives is extra tricky- you can't just kick them out and never deal with them again. Good luck!
I think a lot of this is your own fault. This is the same cousin that you won't have your bf over because "she has issues?" You really need to stand on your own two feet and make clear what you expect of her. It's not YOUR fault / problem that she has high student loans. If money is a problem, tell her to watch how she spends the utilities (turn off lights, etc.). You also need to make clear what you expect in turns of cleanliness, household chores, etc. You can even say "look, you're living here really cheap, you need to step it up and keep the place clean. If you can't, you're going to need to pay for a housekeeper to come once every other two weeks."
If you really want to do her a FAVOR, do it and stop kvetching every week. IMO you are babying a 37 year old because you are too chicken to have a confrontation with her about what you expect from her and what goes on in YOUR house.
I was thinking this too. I lived with my sister and we are very different and there were times that we had to sit down and hash out some issues, but in the end it helped both of us sooo much!
She is your cousin, she is family so don't be overly aggressive, but stand firm. Good Luck!
I dunno, if it was my house and she was a tenant, we would have a come to jesus meeting cause yes she is helping you out but you are helping her out, too, and if she can find housing cheaper than what she lives in now she should go do that and let you find a roommate better suited to your personality.
P.S. She can't read your mind and know what your expectations are in regards to cleanliness etc.omg, I am singing the same song right now.
I fiiiiinally moved out of this horrible roommate situation that I was forced into after I left XH. It included the following incredibly irritating details:
-she cooked all kinds of smelly foods so the apartment always reeked of curry intestines or something.
- she used my food without asking or apologizing. This might not seem like a big deal but if you've had a roomie you know it's dayum annoying to come home and see YOUR eggshells in the kitchen sink. which brings me to....
- she'd leave all kinds of crap floating in the sink. Cornflakes? Toss em in there. Pizza crust? Why, the best place for it is floating right in the dishwater, of course.
- she cranked the heat up to like 80*, and im expected to pay half. Right.
- she would hold all kinds of loud phone conversations in the living room while I was trying to do things like watch television or talk to my family...and convince them i didnt live in a friggin asylum.
Who would have thought I'd be so glad to go home and just lay on the couch in silence.
Me.