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my sex life sux!
So, my sex life sux! We have been married for 15 months, and he turned off the second we said I do! We have gone six weeks without sex, and usually go every few weeks at maximum. I am pretty much turned on 24/7 but he never is. This weekend he got a bit frisky, and we wound up making love. At this point, I figure I better be ready when he is in the mood, cause who knows how long before he might be again.
We make love so little he doesn't have any stamina, and then after he quickly goes inside of me, he collapses, and I rarely ever finish. Well the other day, later after we made love, he was very lovey dovey the rest of the day, which doesn't always happen but I love. I took advantage. It was a lazy Saturday, and we were sitting around in our underwear. I started kissing him, and getting very close. I then took off my shirt and pressed against him. then I reached into his underwear and started massaging him. Usually he shoos me away saying he won't last very long if I even touch him there. This time, he sat back and enjoyed it. foreplay lasted longer, and the entire experience was much more enjoyable. It is a very good day when we actually make love twice.
Afterwards, I jokingly commented that I guess what I need to do from now on is start reaching down his pants and wake "him" up. He said maybe I should. So now, apparently when I want sex, instead of making myself sexy, I just need to reach down his pants. i totally thought he was joking, and I brought it up again the next day jokingly. He again agreed that I might need to start doing that.
What is wrong with my husband? He has a wife that is on 24/7 and in order to have sex more than one time every six weeks I have to grab him by the balls and make him erect before is willing to touch me?
I am not really looking for advice, I just needed a place to vent. I just don't get it. We actually have fights about how little we have sex, and as a result of six week hiatus, we made love but I think it was only because he felt guilted into it. I am still very shy to talk to him about our sex life... I was not exactly innocent when we got married but I had never been penetrated. He is the only person that I have ever experienced any of this with. Lately I have been very tempted to ask about his fantasies, which we have never talked about. I am just to shy to actually do it. Maybe if I make one or two of those come true, he will be more apt to look at me in more of a sexual way?
Re: my sex life sux!
This precisely.
Have you spoken to him about your non existant sex life???
Communication is KEY --- you've gone 15 months and you haven't said one word to him about what's happening....well, start NOW.
As I always say, have a frank and open talk with him at length about your lack of sex life....and stress that he needs to work on this problem WITH you.
As a husband and partner, this is his obligation: to work on all problems with you in tandem as a team.
If he gives you lip service and promises and still nothing, I'd sit him down for a second talk --- and have this one contain a deadline for getting busy in the bedroom.
If the deadline passes and nothing happening on a regular basis, seriously consider cutting your losses and having this marriage annulled.
You did not get married to get a celibate roommate.
Anything can be happening here:
He's decided the sex department is closed and did so once you got married
He's having an affair
He's gay or bi
He was playing some sort of game with you before you were married...and now that you and he have said I Do, the game's off and now sex is over.
Only HE can tell you what's going on.
That he was ever so randy before your wedding and that the second the ink was barely dry on the marriage license the sex dried up? Fishy indeed. Something is weird here and not right.
Good luck; let us know what happens.
Let me add that this is NOT a healthy situation and hence you do not have a healthy marriage dynamic. srsly, you have to wait for HIM to more or less decide if you're going to get yours that day or not????
Sad indeed and ugh, that reeks of manipulation, passive aggressiveness and this is being a tease --- one straight out of the middle school schoolyard.
You don't need somebody who is like this -- again, a talk with him and make it exceedingly clear that he is supposed to start doing his husbandly duty ASAP. ANd if he doesn't, annulment and you pack up and go.
I would NOT give this little pansy the best years of my life -- cooking and cleaning and keeping a house for him while he sits on his privates and holds you captive sexually. Bullshit.
Counseling for you is a good idea -- this is also a self esteem issue for you and you need to find out why you put up with this joke of a sex life for 15 months.
All of a sudden after I Do you and he are not sexually compatible. You bet something is flukey here; don't stand for this.
Sometimes my husband is like this too. Kissing or eye candy isn't always enough to turn someone on and there is nothing wrong with using your hands to help get the party started. My husband loves it when I rub him with my hands before we get to sex- and it helps get him turned on so much more than anything else I try. If he isn't in the mood I will try this and often times he gets in the mood. View this discovery as a triumph rather than a problem.
However, like other posters have said, you DO have to communicate about this. Plan out what you will say so your emotions don't take over. I had to give my husband VERY specific examples of what I wanted before he knew how to improve. He was receptive and tries a lot harder. Also, sometimes he just isn't in the mood for sex, but he'll offer to give me a hand job so at least I am satisfied. Maybe your husband would do this too...but you have to communicate without fighting.
I know exactly how you feel.
I haven't been married as long, but the same thing has happened to me. It isn't even 1/2 of what it used to be and I have tried mutiple times to talk to him and communicate my needs, but nothing changes.... in fact our own "hiatuses" seem to become longer and longer....
Good luck, and send some my way too!!!!!
These posts are starting to remind me of that old school joke:
How do you cure a nymphomaniac?
You marry her.
Your husbands are too young to be exhibiting this kind of behavior -- geezos, you pretty much are barely out of your newlywed stage.
What is wrong with these guys that they're never in the mood, they turn their wives down or they will not uphold their part of the bargain?? You shouldn't have to light a fire under them; Nature should be taking its course, not heading the hell into the hills.
The choice is yours:
You accept a sexless marriage (or a marriage that barely has any sex involved) or you talk to your H, tell him he needs to meet your needs...and if he won't ante up his part of the bargain, you can either stay or go.
WORD pp, this exactly. Get your guys to boink you, or get out. Seriously. What's the point of being married if you can't have any sex?!?! You might as well be a nun!
Once upon a time, I told DH that if he kept rejecting me sexually, I was going to find someone else to meet my needs, and advised that he is not the only man in the world who would want to and also that I have had to reject guys wanting to buy me a drink even with my wedding band on. After that, he made sure to respond when I initiated sex and also to ask what he could improve to satisfy me (of course I asked him the same thing).
Maybe your guys need reminding that they are not the only men around who would want you...