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love and marriage....I need some physical affection!
So my DH and I have been married for around 3 months, we've been together for over 3 years. Our sex life has always gone through ups and downs, but lately it is in a definite down period.
Every time we have sex it is because he iniiates it. Whenever I try to iniate it, he says "let's be spontaneous" or "you always pick the worst times" But I am being spontaneous and I have always picked times where we have enough of a break to spend 'quality' time with one another...
I really am losing my cool, it is affecting every other part of our relationship and I am beginning to lose faith in us. I feel like he is just not interested anymore.
I am lucky if we have sex twice a month. I hate feeling like I am the one asking for it, every other guy I have been in a relationship with has begged for more time together, not less. The whole situation is just really saddening, I just feel so unsatisfied, mentally, emotionally and definitely physically. I have tired to talk to him about this, but he just brushes it off and in more words than less he tells me that it is my problem. At this point I just feel defeated and I have no idea what to do.
So... any help ladies?
Re: love and marriage....I need some physical affection!
You and he need to sit down and have a good long talk about your sex life, initiation and pretty much everything that goes along with those 2 topics.
Did you initiate before you got married?
I am wondering if he hasn't developed some sort of hang up -- now that you're married, perhaps he is thinking along the lines of the man is the king of the castle and he's the ruler of all he surveys -- somehow he is thinking "good girls don't."
That's my take on it anyway --- maybe it's a wild speculation -- but nontheless, you and he need a little fireside chat. GL.
You beeing slapped down for initiating doesn't make YOU feel desired or wanted or sexy: HE needs to get that into his head -- plus yeah, it hurts YOUR feelings.
So, right now it's all about him, huh?
You two really need to sit down and talk about things. Maybe he's to stressed right now? You shouldn't just be rejected, and your needs are just as important as his. If you're not satisfied for long enough you'll do something about it, it's human nature.
You need to have a conversation with him about this, and not settle for him brushing it off or blaming it on you with no explanation.
Have you told him this? If that doesn't wake him up to start communicating, I'm not sure what will.
He could be dealing with stress from work or his family that is making him less sensitive to you. It's not OK, but it's something that can be worked out. It is not just your problem.
When have you discussed it with him? Immediately after the rejection makes sense, but it might be too emotional to get any solid communication. If sounds lame, but why don't you ask him to discuss it with you at a specific time. So he's prepared (hopefully with some reasons or solutions) and your mind won't be blurred with recent hurt or rejection. Good luck.
Well. Maybe if he is sitting on the couch... take a shower... walk around naked for a little bit. I always catch my H checking me out and he likes looking at what he has. I wouldn't try talking about it, since you said it doesn't work anyway. maybe all the stress from the wedding is causing him to push away. Tell him how much you love him and you want to have fun like you used to.
If that doesn't work, maybe give him little kisses on the cheeks or hugs or dance with him. Try to be playful not forceful. Men have a way of dealing with their emotions. I know that they don't like to "talk" but once you get things worked out it will be okay.
Hope that gives you a little advice. Try to relax and have fun. Don't stress to much. Otherwise, go into the bedroom and solve your own problem...
I have gone through the same thing w/ DH - when it happened to us, it was the same - I was always initiating and always getting turned down. He never initiated. It started after we moved into our house - I don't know why but that's when I pinpointed it.
I ended up having to talk to DH and tell him how upset and frustrated it was making me, and how alone I felt when I couldn't even get my husband to have sex with me once in awhile. It turned out DH was stressed out about a lot of things and hadn't been talking to me about it, and it also turned out that my stress from work was really affecting him. So, after we talked about it and reconnected, it got better.
I also found out DH was having some performance anxiety and was able to reassure him that I was satisfied with him etc...sometimes all it takes is just talking it out. After that one night, it's been wonderful and we both feel a lot more comfortable discussing our sex life. It's also been a lot more fun in the bedroom!
GL lady, talk it out and then celebrate your success!