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Can it Ever Last?
So (mostly lurker, but I've had a few posts here)... my STBXH definitely did some bad things in our relationship, but I truly don't believe he's a bad guy. I DO believe that its not my problem to fix his issues anymore and he has a lot to figure out about himself. In my case, my STBXH has a lot of residual sexual issues.. all boys school, very inappropriate first sexual experiences, a very rigid upbringing and a lot of guilt, (and yeah, he's probably gay) etc etc, so I left. But my question is..
In my current experience, my STBXH seemed so wonderful when we met- he touted honor and trust and respect like they were his motto. I'm 31 and have had three very serious relationships in my life. All had ups and downs, but I always had faith in love and monogamy and the whole "thing" and I thought he was it. Obviously, he is not. But I find myself really floundering as far as how to trust again? I read about websites like Ashley Madison with how many thousands of members and I think, do they all just do these terrible things when no one is looking? My husband seemed like this really honorable guy, I was in love, I was happy, whatever, but I feel like I know some really good guys, even as friends, and I find myself wondering, are you all the same?
I don't know if there is a question here.. I just find myself really wondering how to believe and trust again. I don't put all guys in the category as the relationship I just got out of, but you read and hear all the gossip crap and everything else I just wonder, how you can tell the difference?
Re: Can it Ever Last?
All men are not cheaters. You have to know that and believe it. Give yourself time to grieve this relationship.
In regards to getting over trust issues I saw a therapist.
In regards to finding a good guy... you can only judge a man by how he acts. In the past and while he is with you.
I found it a lot easier to be in a relationship after realizing that I did not need one. I was happy and satisfied with myself on my own. I was picky, I knew what my deal breakers were and didn't make excuses for the guy. If he had cheated on a woman in his adult life I would not be with him. If he didn't know how he felt about having kids, I would not bother. If he lied to me at all early on he would be gone. If his life goals did not fit mine I moved on.
Sometimes it is not obvious. A woman knows when it feels right. I am not talking about love, or even like either... I loved my X, but something always a little off. I always had a feeling that he could be unfaithful and it made me insecure... the was no evidence, just a feeling that never went away even when we were happy. I now trust my gut on everything.
With my current BF I was upfront about everything and didn't play games. I didn't unload everything on the first date, but over the first month I let him know what I was looking for in a long term relationship. It probably would have scared a lesser man off, but I didn't want a lesser man.