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I am completely losing it (long rambling freak-out vent)
Yes, this is another "ELF is freaking out about her pregnancy" post, so if you're sick of hearing about it, save yourself the trouble and don't bother reading anymore.
My "symptoms" really never picked up at all. I had 2 days of queasiness around 8 weeks, but then it went away. I had some random stabbing pain over the weekend that I think was round ligament pain, but who knows.
I had my 10w OB appt yesterday. She tried, but failed, to get the baby's heartbeat with the doppler (no u/s, just the hand-held doppler). She warned me that it might be too early to hear it, esp. since I'm on the larger side, but I still had my hopes up and was upset that we didn't hear it since I'm not convinced that baby ELF is still alive and kicking in there.
Fast forward to this morning -- I walk the dog out to the backyard and find a dead crow in the yard near the house. A bad omen, thought to signify that someone you love has died or is about to die. Great timing, stupid dead crow.
Friday is the anniversary of the day I miscarried last year. Add these things together, and I just can't shake this overwhelming feeling that something is wrong and I've been crying off and on for the past two days.
And I have to wait until Tuesday for my NT scan and a chance to find out if there's still a little heart beating in there.
I wish I was one of those "positive" people who can believe that things will be fine, but that has never been me. I'm not really looking for advice or reassurance, since I know my thoughts and feelings are completely irrational and there's nothing I can do about them anyway. I guess I just needed to send them out to the "universe" in an attempt to get all of this out of my head. I think I'm going to need therapy to get through this pregnancy. <sigh>
Always missing my Mommy (1954-2010) and Daddy (1943-2012)
TTC since 2009 ; BFP 9/13/10 = MC 10/21/10
DX = DOR/POA (AMH=1.1; AFC=4-5)
Surprise BFP 8/31/11 while waiting to cycle for IVF
Welcomed our little miracle 5/7/12
Re: I am completely losing it (long rambling freak-out vent)
you are allowed to freak out a little when you're pregnant- it's totally not your fault- it's those damn hormones. so let's take the hormones as a good sign, that what's supposed to be happening, is happening. the first tri really is the worst. it will be over soon! ((hugs)) to you!
I know we talked yesterday but I just wanna send you a giant hug. xoxo
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Oh my god, you poor thing. What are you doing Saturday morning? Let's have breakfast or something.
ETA: You are allowed to freak out. Anyone who says otherwise can fuuck off. Not that anyone would though.
sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts to you! I remember feeling soa nxious, and I didn't have a hx of miscarriage- I can't begin to understand your stress level
I remember my OB wouldn't even try the doppler at my 12 week appt- he felt it was too soon and that he wouldn't be able to pick up the hb
i'll be honest - i don't think your thoughts are irrational at all! pregnancy is scary and hormonal - it's not all about glowing.
i hope everything's ok. i'll be thinking of you and your little one!
is there any way you can get your scan scheduled sooner? i used to get saturday appointments....
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do you have an iphone? They make an app- Babybeat that turns your phone into a dopler. I have the phone and bought the app for $3.99 when I was panicked one day at work...might be worth a try?
Oh lovey, I wish I could come right over and give you a giant hug right now. Freak out if you need too. TRY (and I know it's not easy) not to stress too much. Not good for the little one or you.
Lots of positive Mama vibes for you. Call if you need anything. Yes, I'm crazy working the next 4 days, but if you need me, call. ((((HUGS))))
Thoughts, prayers and positive vibes coming your way!
Pregnancy makes you think and do crazy things. I am sure all will be fine and that it was just too early. FWIW, I had a great pregnancy but the entire time I kept thinking something might be wrong with the baby...I never told anyone and it didn't stop until she was born.
HUGS
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((HUGS)) I'm sure it's ok that you are worried. Just try to think positive. I'm sure all is well.
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Thanks all. I'm feeling a teeny-tiny bit better today. It's nearly 11 am and I haven't cried yet, so that's an improvement. Although I did tell DH this morning that if there was another dead bird in the backyard, I was going to never leave the house again. Fortunately, the yard is clear (except for a billion leaves that need to get raked up).
I think the OB would have let me get another u/s this week if I asked, but DH is tied up at work with a bunch of meetings with the bigwigs this week and there's no way he could go with me. I don't want to be alone and get bad news like last year, so it's better to just wait it out until Tuesday.
I've managed to come up with plans to fill up the next couple of days and keep me busy, so hopefully I can at least hold myself together until Monday.
Always missing my Mommy (1954-2010) and Daddy (1943-2012)
TTC since 2009 ; BFP 9/13/10 = MC 10/21/10
DX = DOR/POA (AMH=1.1; AFC=4-5)
Surprise BFP 8/31/11 while waiting to cycle for IVF
Welcomed our little miracle 5/7/12
so late jumping in on this
hugs honey and positive thoughts sent your way.
and you are not freaking out. what you feeling is valid and to be expected. cut yourself some slack.
hugs again.
Good! None of these plans include me but not everything is about me, right? LOL
This! Thinking of you and hope tuesday comes speedy for you!
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