Family Matters
handsome boy modeling school was the best 60 dollars I ever spent. If it wasn't for handsome boy modeling scholl I would not be the modle I am today.
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
step-mom in-law
DH's step mom came in to his life when he was 17. She has never had kids and still insists on being called grandma. O.k. I don't call my mom's step mom grandma nor do our kids. I just don't think it is o.k. for someone who has never had kids of their own to be called mom or grandma.
handsome boy modeling school was the best 60 dollars I ever spent. If it wasn't for handsome boy modeling scholl I would not be the modle I am today.
Re: step-mom in-law
If she is a loving part of their lives, then you need to come up with a name for her - gran, nana, etc. You really need to stop having such a limited view of family dynamics.
DH's stepmom came into his life when he was 9 or 10. She insisted on being called grandma. However, she treated her bio-grandkids 100% better than she treated mine (and she never treated my dh "like a son,"), so if I saw her my kids would NOT be calling her grandma. We have already told them that their grandma has passed.
HOWEVER, I would have LOVED LOVED LOVED it if she was a kind and loving grandma figure to my kids. In that case, I would have been HAPPY with the kids calling her grandma.
How does your H feel? Does he get along with her?
What about parents who adopt? Being a mom/grandma is an action not just a biological thing.
I'm trying to decide if you're offensive or not. When you say because she 'never had kids', do you mean because she didn't actually raise your DH (since he was 17 when she came into the picture), or do you mean because she never gave birth?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
But if she is loving, why on EARTH wouldn't you want more people in your children's lives like that and who want to be and see themselves as a "grandmother"?
And still waiting to hear what you mean by "never had kids".....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
What does her history of child-birth/raising have to do with it? What kind of relationship does she have with your kids?
Really, what is the worst thing that could happen if your kids called her grandma?
This question also occurred to me - but ECB was nicer to ask - I just assumed you were offensive, OP. I'm not sure why it's a big deal for kid's to have more than one or two (or 6) loving grandparent types...that would make me happy for my children to have that much love and support. I don't have kids but I'm an auntie to my friends kids and my nieces...I don't see how the grandparent role should be any different.
This is a ridiculous statement.
If she's kind to the kids, then who the hell cares what they call her?
I could see your point if she was a nasty witch and then kept pushing the Grandma title. But if your only complaint is that she's not the biological grandmother of those kids and therefore she doesn't "deserve" to be called Grandma ... then that's really jerky of you. Love isn't exclusive to blood.
How does your husband feel about all this?
I hope you never have to adopt, because then your children's children would not be able to call you grandma based on your thinking.
If your DH says it's OK for the children to call his stepmom "Grandma" than that's the only discussion there needs to be on the subject.
I met my oldest stepdaughter when she was in her 20s and her children call me Grandma. I have 5 grandchildren, none of them have a biological link to me, but I love them with all of my heart and that's what should be the most important thing.
I'll say it if no one else does: Your opinion makes you sound like a real a-ho|e. Seriously.
It is pretty obvious that you have some other issue with this woman other than the fact that she'd like to be called 'grandma'.
BTW, many foster parents provide the love and support for children that their own biological parents are unable to give- you'd consider a crack addicted biological mother a 'mom' and but wouldn't consider the people that are actually raising children in a healthy environment to be parents?
An American Girl's Travels
Well said.
Out of curiosity, OP, do your kids call any of your friends "Aunt ____" or "Uncle ____"? DH is an "Uncle" to his godson... without any marital or blood relation.
At first reading your post I thought your SML wants your DH to call her Grandma when he was 17, which is majorly weird but now re-reading it I get the real view.
My advice, get over yourself. Let people live their lives without the family judge coming to town.
I call a woman my dad dated for two years and left, my step mom, and my sudo-dad in some cases, because she is. She never was able to have kids, and adopting wasn't an option in her time. When I came into her life she wanted was overjoyed and caring for me, and I was 17 at the time we met. My kids will call her Grandma. My BF has countless step-family members and he doesn't call them step-grandma or step-uncle, he calls them what they are to him, grandma and uncle, because no matter when they call into his life, they are family, act like family and care for each other like family. I personally think it's the person and the emotional connection that makes a title not the blood relation.
Check us out
she never had kids of her own, and she was expecting mother's day cards her step kids even though she had no hand in raising. To answer every one else we get along because we have to. She treats my BIL's kids like gold and doesn't really give a shiit about our kids. (she takes BIL's kids to the zoo, and out for ice cream, and watches them when ever SIL asks.) DH and I were split up when our first daughter was born, and then we got back together. When she found out she called my kid a bastard, called me a slut, then 6 mos. later pretended like nothing happend. Has NEVER said sorry. When we had our second kid she didn't even show up to visit us. Claiming that she didn't know new babies were so important because she never had any of her own. (even though she was there for the other 3 grandkids being born) I guess I still am harboring ill feelings. But I do agree with some of you folks about not having to be Biological to be a parent/ grandparent. I guess i'm just petty.
O.K., well, this is a different story then.
I don't get why you spend time around a woman who called you a slut and (more importantly, because he's an innocent kid) called your kid a bastard.
Why do you visit her? Why would your husband expect you to spend time with someone who treated you in such a mean way? You're not obligated to spend time with someone who treats you like shiit, even a family member.
Your problem is that your husband is not willing to stick up for you and your kid. That's a gigantic red flag right there. I'm pretty sure my husband would rip someone, even a parent, a new assh0le if someone called me or my/our kid a name like that.
After reading your update, OP, I can understand some of the ill feelings towards your DH's step mom. It's hard to say how kind she is to the kids, or how much your ill feelings towards her are clouding your vision. If she really is as bad as you say about blatantly favoring BIL's kids, calling your kids names (like "bastard") not visiting when babies are born, etc., then I would agree she doesn't deserve the title of grandma.
What does your husband think about this? If he's on the same page as you, I would ask her (next time it comes up) what she has done lately to deserve to be called "grandma."
Completely and totally offensive. YWIA
I miss you lite-brite!
Ok, I get why you might not be thrilled with the thought of your kids calling her "grandma", but it has nothing to do with biology. It's because she's a jerk. I haven't spoken to my biological grandmother in four years because she's so horrible.
I'm curious about this situation with your SMIL. Did she call her stepson a slut, too? And why did you continue to associate with someone who was so rude to you and your kid? I really hope your husband hasn't pressured you to continue having a relationship with someone who has treated his wife and child so poorly.
yeah. here's the thing. you have an opportunity to include someone who (unless you tell us differently) is a loving person who cares about your kid and who is looking for a part in their life. why on earth are you hung up on the 'shes never had kids' part? is that one part so important as to deny your kid another loving person in their life? that, to me (a happily child free person) is totally selfish. it's not about you-it's abotu the kid and surrounding them with good people who WANT to be in their lives. get over your hang up.
DH Talked to his dad about the whole thing after dd was born. FIL talked to step-mom about it, and it's been o.k. since.(She never did say sorry, I think that is effed up)
She probably never said sorry because your husband didn't confront her directly. He took the lazy way out and had FIL run interference. If he wanted an apology then he should've talked to her directly about this situation.
But you said "it's been O.K. since," so why are you still upset at her? Obviously it has NOT been O.K. since. I think that either your H needs to sit her down and talk to her about this, or you guys shouldn't spend so much time with her.
This information sheds a completely new light on your OP. Your DH's stepmom just happens to be a ragingasshole, so it's understandable that you wouldn't want your children to call her Grandma. that's understandable.
Your OP, on it's own, is not reasonable. You don't have to give birth to be a mother/father/grandmother. It's what's in the heart that counts.
How afraid are you of confrontation? Will your H back you up if you insist the kids DO NOT call her grandma?
Tell the girls to call her "Ms. (Her_first_name)." If she tells you they should call her "grandma," tell her "sorry, Grandma is reserved for a special relationship. You really don't treat my kids like a grandma does."
I have not done this with dh's stepmother (we cut her off), but I would do this if we saw her on a regular basis.
I agree with everyone else, biology does not make a grandparent, but if this woman doesn't treat your kids nicely, she doesn't get the title for show.