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I want out and I don't know where to begin- long
First of all, this is an AE. I post on another board pretty regularly.
My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for 3. We also have a baby together. I don't think I've really loved him in over 2 years. Don't ask me why I thought having a kid at this point in our relationship was a good idea. I have tried to work on things with him, he is not a bad man, and he's a great father. But we've been through two marriage counselors and I'll be entirely honest, we have outgrown one another and I can't stay with someone that I have nothing in common with.
I've gone back and forth for a while, but now I've decided a divorce is our best option.
The problem is, I am young (early 20's) and have stayed at home since our son was born. I never went to college, and due to my husband's career I have had to leave several jobs to follow him around. Anyone who has tried to get a job in this economy knows this is bad news. Even a shift manager opening at McDonald's around here wants 5-7 years of management experience. I have been looking for over 4 months without luck.
I don't want to stay with him with the intent of leaving, it feels wrong. But, I am afraid if I leave now or take a job at minimum wage, I won't have a chance at custody of our child. Like I said, he is a good father, but I have been the primary caregiver since birth. I just don't know what to do, I guess.
Re: I want out and I don't know where to begin- long
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you guys have given counseling a fair shot, but how long have you been going? Is he aware of your feelings? You mentioned you don't have much in common with- is he much older than you?
I would start getting your ducks in a row to leave him and start going to school to find a job in a field you're interested in. It won't be easy, but it's better than staying in a loveless marriage. Good luck and we're here for you!
The first time was 2X weekly for 6 weeks. The second round was for 3 months. He doesn't know yet, I'm afraid he'll kick me out and I won't have anywhere to go with our son. He is not much older, 2 years. We just have very different, backgrounds, goals and beliefs.
Do you think it is ethical to stay through school with the intention of leaving? I know income isn't supposed to determine physical custody, but I know sometimes that's not the way it works. We also live in a state that does not require alimony.
He cannot just kick you out of the house. I think most states actually consider leaving the marital home as "abandonment".
I can't answer the ethical question for you, because I haven't been in your shoes, but I think I would try to figure out how to go to school during/after the divorce (student loans, etc).
Oh wow, yeah I guess I need to look into this a bit more. I'll probably meet with somebody in family law to make sure I'm doing this right. Thanks so much.
I'm not sure it's any less ethical to stay with your H while you make plans for your future than it is to leave your H and bring your child into a life where their single mom has no college education and a minimum wage job.
If it were me, I'd start making a plan for my future (including being able to support myself and my child) before I left my H. You said your H isn't a bad guy - - living with him can't be too terrible. Remind yourself you're doing this for your DC.
You're right. I'm sorry, this is hard. I don't want to be that ex-wife that stuck around for the support. I'll do what I need to do. Thank you.