Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Just found proof that my ex-h cheated, and had a kid
I moved the dryer and found a usb drive (and tons of other stuff lol) so I checked to see if it was mine. I saw a bunch of his work stuff then a file named a female name. i open it up and it's a chat, I read it. I shouldn't have but I did. They're talking about missing each other and baby names because she was pregnant at the time. This was back in 2008, we started marriage counseling in late 2009 and separated in Oct 2010.
I know at this point it doesn't matter as we're divorced and I'm with someone great now. I'm still just kind of shocked, though.I had suspected that he was cheating but never had proof, and definitely not with her since it was his best friend's gf. She lives in another state but he travels weekly for work so I can see how it happened. Well, I can see the logistics of it, I can't see how you would do that to someone.
He begged me not to divorce him, we went through an entire year of counseling. I don't get why he would do that if he had this other girl. They talked about how mean I was and how i was constantly yelling. If I was that bad of a person why not just leave me? Why drag me through 2 more years? It would have been more had I not said enough is enough.
I'm not sure what exactly I'm looking for here, I just needed to vent.
Re: Just found proof that my ex-h cheated, and had a kid
I'm so sorry pbear. I could have written exactly what you wrote above. I don't really have an answer other than that old adage that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Or the one about having his cake and eating it too.
You're right, it doesn't matter at this point, but I imagine it's still really upsetting. It's OK to feel that way. I went around and around with my therapist, trying desperately to answer the question of Why? Eventually I had to admit I'd never find a good answer. It was how he was made, and he found someone else who was willing to play along because that's how she was made.
It sounds trite, but you're much better off now. There's a huge sense of relief in that.
Wow! I'm so sorry you found this. But, in a way, it's better knowing the truth.
What a jerk.
Next time you see or talk to him you should just simply say, "So how is the baby"?
He would probably crap his pants.
Even though you're divorced from him and are much, much happier, it still couldn't have been easy finding out the truth. In an odd way, maybe this will bring you some kind of closure? I'm not saying you haven't already found closure, but maybe this will be the last piece of the puzzle and you can feel good knowing the truth is out.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
thank you ladies I appreciate the support. I had one person, a mutual friend, ask me why I am even bothering to be upset about this now. Um really? It's not like he just cheated, he had a freakin kid!
But I am much happier now, and in a much better place, so that's what I'm trying to focus on. I still kind of want to punch him, though
I want to hug you. I'm so sorry. All I can say is that this wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong and he was justifying his actions in talking bad about you to this other woman. He is a sick, awful man.
And you're better for it.
I'm so sorry. ((((((hugs))))))
(and I want to kick him in the balls until he throws up)
I'm glad we don't live near each other because I kind of want to kick him in the balls, too.
Kuus they're still friends last I knew. I'm not sure if he knew that they had an affair or not. The girl had broken up with him a few months prior to this chat.
Wonderful! I was hoping they were still friends.
I'd forward all of this to the friend, from an anonymous address, of course. I think it's time your ex loses his best friend, don't you?
I'm trying to find the guy's info, he lived in another state.
I so want to send this to his parents, too. I'm trying to be a mature adult here but it's a struggle.
Absolutely! His poor parents need to know that they have a grandchild.
I suggest whitepages.com and 123people to find addresses. I can google the sh!t out of anybody if you need help
I think his friend is incarcerated now. I've been googling like crazy lol
I'm mailing him the usb back (I have copies of the chat). I needed something to pad the envelope so I printed out the chat to help protect it. I also included a note saying I can live peacefully knowing I gave everything to our marriage and I tried. Good luck with your conscience!
Heh, awesome. I'd leave the note out....let him wonder about your reaction and who else you may/may not have told.
I'm not 100% sure as all I have is one chat that makes it sound like they had one on the way at the time.
The mouse would have freaked me out lol
oh pbear, I'm so sorry. ((hugs))
I'm glad you're with someone who will never treat you like that now!!