Thoughts and Prayers please

Dar080808 · October 2011

One of my co-workers has been TTC for a few years now. I think she's around 38 and she went through all the steps - IUI, IVF 6 times (I think), etc. She was told her eggs were bad. She had donor eggs implanted a little while back and she had a chemical pregnancy. She came to my classroom yesterday in tears when she got the news. I tried to make her feel better. I hope I said the right thing. I told her it's a step in the right direction and she just needs to try again with another donor. It seems that she can conceive based on this so I'm trying to help her stay positive. To make matters worse for her, her younger sister is due any day now with her second child. I know some of you have been in similar situations. Please keep my co-worker in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks.

Labbie · October 2011

What a heartbreak- I will keep her in my prayers. I'm glad she has you to talk to- Going through a workday with that going on has got to be tough.

kevinandmonica2011 · October 2011

Lots of T&P for your coworker.

DH and I have been TTC for a few months had a c/p (or early m/c) in August. I couldn't imagine going through it after so many IF treatments. My heart breaks for her.

The one piece of advice I can offer (for you, as her friend/co-worker) is to acknowledge this as a *loss* for her and encourage/allow her to grieve and talk about it if she wants. While the c/p or m/c happened very early, she likely never heard the heartbeat or saw a u/s... it is still the loss of a teeny little life inside of her... and the loss of all of the hopes and dreams that accompany a "+" on a pregnancy test. She is grieving the loss of her baby... and that can be very difficult for people to understand (disenfranchised grief). I found that many people dismissed my grief and figured it wasn't a big deal because I wasn't very far along, which is in itself, a hurtful assumption. Especially given how much she has been through just to get the "+", acknowledging her grief is a big step.

Hope this helps. I am just so sorry for what she is going through.

SeptemberBride'08 · October 2011

I'm so sorry. My hearts goes out to her. Thanks for being such a great friend to her. Prayers going her way.

Honeydew1894 · October 2011

I am sorry for your friend. Ts and Ps sent!

MoxyMissi · October 2011

So sorry for your friend. What a sad and frustrating experience to have to go through. :-(

Dar080808 · October 2011

kevinandmonica2011:
The one piece of advice I can offer (for you, as her friend/co-worker) is to acknowledge this as a *loss* for her and encourage/allow her to grieve and talk about it if she wants. While the c/p or m/c happened very early, she likely never heard the heartbeat or saw a u/s... it is still the loss of a teeny little life inside of her... and the loss of all of the hopes and dreams that accompany a "+" on a pregnancy test. She is grieving the loss of her baby... and that can be very difficult for people to understand (disenfranchised grief). I found that many people dismissed my grief and figured it wasn't a big deal because I wasn't very far along, which is in itself, a hurtful assumption. Especially given how much she has been through just to get the "+", acknowledging her grief is a big step.

Thanks for the advice. It does help. She told me she took a home test and it was negative but the doctors called and said their test was a slight positive but her numbers were really low - 5 I think. They told her they suspected it would be a chemical pregnancy and not to get her hopes up and then called the next day after she had more tests and confirmed the chemical pregnancy. I told her how sorry I was for her and I said that at least she knows now that she can get pregnant - I knew she has a back up donor already set in case she had to try again. I really hope this one takes - she has to wait a month I think before she can try again. Plus I think it'll take that long to get the eggs to her since they are coming from California I believe. Besides dealing with her sister being pregnant (which she knows I can totally relate to that) she also has to deal with other co-workers that just don't understand. Our team of teachers never have had real hardships in their lives - they live with silver spoons. They can be mean and nasty. They already have sent a few harsh emails to both her and I because we can't make meetings and it's not fair. They have NO idea what we deal with and with her personal life upsetting her, it's not fair for them to pile on more crap. It's really not my place to say anything to them and I don't really see them much now with my schedule but if I do I plan on saying to take it easy and hopefully they will.

kevinandmonica2011 · October 2011

Dar080808:
kevinandmonica2011:
The one piece of advice I can offer (for you, as her friend/co-worker) is to acknowledge this as a *loss* for her and encourage/allow her to grieve and talk about it if she wants. While the c/p or m/c happened very early, she likely never heard the heartbeat or saw a u/s... it is still the loss of a teeny little life inside of her... and the loss of all of the hopes and dreams that accompany a "+" on a pregnancy test. She is grieving the loss of her baby... and that can be very difficult for people to understand (disenfranchised grief). I found that many people dismissed my grief and figured it wasn't a big deal because I wasn't very far along, which is in itself, a hurtful assumption. Especially given how much she has been through just to get the "+", acknowledging her grief is a big step.
Thanks for the advice. It does help. She told me she took a home test and it was negative but the doctors called and said their test was a slight positive but her numbers were really low - 5 I think. They told her they suspected it would be a chemical pregnancy and not to get her hopes up and then called the next day after she had more tests and confirmed the chemical pregnancy. I told her how sorry I was for her and I said that at least she knows now that she can get pregnant - I knew she has a back up donor already set in case she had to try again. I really hope this one takes - she has to wait a month I think before she can try again. Plus I think it'll take that long to get the eggs to her since they are coming from California I believe. Besides dealing with her sister being pregnant (which she knows I can totally relate to that) she also has to deal with other co-workers that just don't understand. Our team of teachers never have had real hardships in their lives - they live with silver spoons. They can be mean and nasty. They already have sent a few harsh emails to both her and I because we can't make meetings and it's not fair. They have NO idea what we deal with and with her personal life upsetting her, it's not fair for them to pile on more crap. It's really not my place to say anything to them and I don't really see them much now with my schedule but if I do I plan on saying to take it easy and hopefully they will.

She is lucky to have a coworker like you to look out for her and be there for her. T&P that you find the right words and T&P for comfort and healing for her.

Dar080808 · October 2011

kevinandmonica2011:

She is lucky to have a coworker like you to look out for her and be there for her. T&P that you find the right words and T&P for comfort and healing for her.

Thanks!

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