Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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need some sex advice..
so my husband and i have been married for about a year and a half. we have a good marriage and a great sex life..but he wants "to come in my back door" as some would say. now..we've tried it before but..it just didn't really work. i was in so much pain it was crazy. does anyone have any suggestions?
Re: need some sex advice..
Well, the bottom line is that if you tried anal sex and it hurt you, than it is your right to tell your husband no. It is your body and if he wants to do something that will cause you pain, than just tell him. That's basically the best advice I can give.
IF- and this is a big if- you want to give it one more shot- which I'm not saying that you should feel like you have to, I can offer some tips. It is really important that you are relaxed so that the muscles back there are not tense, which will make it easier and less painful (on your part) for him to enter. Maybe have him give you a massage beforehand, or take a bath, whatever gets you relaxed and in the wood. Second, go very slowly. He should try using his fingers to see how it feels before he even attempts to put his penis there. When he does, use LOTS of lube. Certain kinds of condoms have lube on them, I would reccomend using those in addition to using lube. (I'm sure you knew this, but JIC, he must wear a condom) Make sure he is gentle and does not thrust too hard!
Stick to your gut. If this hurt you last time, you are NOT a bad wife if you don't want to try it again. I can't say that enough.
YOur H should have no problem with that.
Offer to get a strap-on and do his ass instead.
(only partly kidding--some guys do want this but are scared that asking for it makes them gay or some such BS)
Here is a post I wrote about anal sex about two years ago. It covers most of the points.
Anal sexSince there have been questions about it today, I thought I would post something.I have had enjoyable anal sex experiences. There have been occasions when it was uncomfortable. I am not going to say that the sensations of anal sex felt as good as vaginal penetration, but there was a wickedness to it that adds to the experience.I usually was interested in having anal sex after having a good solid bowel movement. Enemas will work as well. Remember, anal sex will not look like it does in pornos. The women will do a couple of enemas in a row before performing, and they edit out anything unpleasant. Plus, it is unlikely that you will be able to take a hard pounding like a porn star. Bluntly, there might be feces on your DH's member when you are done. If you use lube, you might even get some santorum. (kisses to you Dan Savage Fans!) But hey! If you have had some nice orgasms, who cares?!Now, anal sex should be the big finish to the lovemaking. Do lots of sexy things before moving to anal. Get aroused and relaxed and have fun. Have him stimulate your anus with his fingers or tongue, if he is of a mind. Throw in an orgasm for yourself. Now get side by side with your back to his front. This will give you control over the speed and depth of penetration. This is key to your enjoyment. Lube just a bit. Take his penis in your hand and guide him to your anal opening. Keep a firm grasp of him and back onto him. Lift your leg if it helps. Tell him that if he even thinks about moving, this fun will stop. Trust me...he will want it to continue. Keep him in your hand, push yourself onto him and move as fast or as slow as you want. Go as deep as you want controlling the depth with your fist to make sure you are taking only as much as you want. When you are comfortable, you can tell your DH that he can move. I would definitely throw in some clitoral stimulation to make it even better for you. Oh...and a bit of warning, cleaning up the ejaculate after he orgasms in your anus is even more messy than the vagina.Remember NEVER NEVER NEVER switch from anal to vaginal intercourse without a heavy cleanup. You do not want harmful bacteria from your colon in your vagina.Make it clear to DH that he will only get to have anal sex with you if it doesn't hurt (too much), so he better be a good boy. Now, if it hurts, stop. No sense in giving you a bad feeling about it. If he gets annoyed that you wanted to stop, tell him that he will have to take a dildo the size of his penis into his own anus to show that "it doesn't hurt" if he whines.
I would like to add a couple of points to my post above.
Anal sex shouldn't just come out of the blue. Both of you should be experimenting with anal sensation several times *before* attempting anal sex. Try touching each other's perineum or anal opening. Try holding a small vibrator there during oral sex. If you don't want the mess, have a small box of latex gloves next to the bed for easy clean-up (just remove the glove slowly, turning it inside out as you go trapping the unpleasant stuff).
But in short, get your body used to the idea of anal penetration. This could take a couple of weeks. Use a single finger at first. Perhaps try two fingers later on. If your husband whines at the delay, tell him this is going to be done at your pace, or not at all.
Also, be clear with your husband that women who do anal in porn are professionals. It is unlikely as a regular woman that you will be able to take a 15 minute pounding like a porn star. Tell him if he wants such an experience, he can pay you a couple of thousand dollars like a porn star.
I also posted suggestions on this a couple months ago. My husband and I watched an excellent video introduction to anal--I wish I could remember the name--that explained how to go about performing anal sex and enjoying it. We'd had anal before, but we learned a great deal more about it from the instructional video. The biggest, most helpful piece of advice we got from it is that you must go SLOW! Remind your husband that your backdoor is NOT a vagina and cannot be treated like one. They suggested doing a great deal of backdoor warmup, involving perianal touching and massage, followed by one finger, two fingers, etc. The first time we did it this way was SO much better than our previous experiences, but it took almost an hour of warmup before I felt like I was able to take his girth. Over time and with more experience, we were able to reduce the amount of warmup that was necessary, but don't be surprised if it takes you a while to get comfortable.
Also, if at any point it becomes uncomfortable, it is definitely okay to stop. You and your husband should have a frank discussion about your (meaning both of you) desires and concerns; come up with some strategies together and go over any rules that you may have (for example, re-discuss that it's okay to stop at any point).
It's definitely possible to have wonderful experiences with anal. Good luck!
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My DH and I have never attempted anal and do not ever plan on doing so.
With that said, if it hurt you then DONT DO IT.