Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
StbX wants new car & upgrade house before we divorce
A year ago we upgraded my car to a new (well new to us) one, and he took my old one. The difference in value is about 4G
We had planned on him getting the next car upgrade so now that his car needs a $700 repair be wants to instead get a new car and use our joint $. This was the original plan but now we have separated and are divorcing this summer.
What is the best was to approach this? I wanted to tell him to go %$#% himself but instead I calmly suggested we split our next tax return 50/50 and he use his part of the money for whatever he wanted (repair or purchase). Any other way to address this? Perhaps split our furniture so he gets an extra 4Gs worth?
He will also keep our house (his mom will help him refinance since we own about what it is worth - maybe less!) and I will buy another house (w/ help from my family). He said he wants to upgrade the kitchen floor from hardwood to tile rather then repair the wood damage we recently had when our fridge leaked. He thought it was fair since his mom is helping out financially. I wanted to scream "Yes helping YOU out financially you lying, cheating $&*#(@~!". Instead I mentioned that I will need $ for down payment, possible repairs, new furniture so I have to be very frugal with my spending right now and upgrading anything isn't my best use of $ instead I'd split the repair cost.
Am I over reacting thinking he is being completely ridiculous with his requests? I am hurt, heartbroken, and angry so I know I am not viewing discussions with him as clear headed as I could- what do you ladies think?
Re: StbX wants new car & upgrade house before we divorce
I hope you have a lawyer.
I would make it as amicable as possible, but I would protect myself...there is no way of knowing that he wont come back and ask for more and more
if he is keeping the house, dont give him a dime towards it. just as he shouldnt give you anyhing towards your new place.
unless you have kids, I would stop talking to him
I hope you have a lawyer and a separation agreement. If not, at least make copies of your financial statements so that a judge can see that his car purchase is new if he gets it before you divorce.
I would stop contact with him unless it is about your divorce (and children, if you are parents).
H$LL to the NO as far as the car or money for the kitchen. The deal you made was one that was made with the assumption that you would still be together. I don't think you are obligated to be held to it right now.
I will echo the pp's. Contact your lawyer, get a separation agreement, and stop talking to him.
This is like someone going on a trip before filing for bankruptcy-it's fraud because he's trying to use the fact that you have joint money to splurge on something that he won't have money to do afterwards.
Get a lawyer, and do not obligate yourself on any future debt with this man if your intent is to leave him. You may very well be obligated to pay for more than half of the debt the two of you jointly incur, and if he does not pay it your joint creditors can come after you in any event and your only recourse would be to sue him.
Thanks ladies.
I do have lawyer (or will next month when my legal policy through work kicks in)
We do have children and they are the reason we are still living together until summer as we want to keep things amicable and try to make a smooth transition for them.
I think you need to get your own checking account like, yesterday. XH took every last dime I had saved (we're talking tens of thousands) to pay his legal fines, pay his lawyers, his bail to get out of jail, a new transmission on his car (because everyone knows that someone without a driver's license needs a working car....) a new laptop I specifically asked him not to buy, new clothes, and much more simply because he had access to the money in the joint account.
Protect yourself!
This. Get a lawyer and your own bank account right NOW. My Xh cleaned me out. Took damn near every dime in our accounts. Also, I really think you should consider moving out. Why you think you need to buy a house right away is beyond me but trying to live together will eventually not work, and will only be harder on the kids because of the fighting that will insue. If this is what he's trying to get out of you right now, God only knows what he'll want a couple months from now. Protect yourself or else he'll just start taking it without asking bc you're saying no now- then you're really screwed.
thanks ladies.
Honestly we have little in savings (being students for so long...) so if he did take it all I'd be annoyed and argue to get it back (and probably stop paying my share of the mortgage), but it wouldn't impact day to day living. We both work full time so our major expenses are the mortgage and childcare. He wants the house so he wants to make sure the mortgage is paid responsibility until I can be removed from title and mortgage.
He wanted me off the title six months before I was of the mortgage but (with the emotional support of my mom&sis) I made sure he knew that wasn't an option.
What state do you live in? and have you filed papers yet? I am living in a 50/50 state, and have filed. I was told by my attorney that anything I purchase after the papers have been served (not just filed but served) to stbxh was my debt and mine alone, otherwise it will be something that will be split 50/50 between us dollar amount wise. Your car being worth 4g more than his, will possibly cause you to have to give him something else worth 4g. That is my situation. Right before stbxh left, he cleared out our joint account and took almost everything he could get his hands on. Technically on the house half of it is yours, and you should get an appraisal on it and him pay you half of the equity. But do NOT pay for any of the repairs.
It might be worth it to you to retain a lawyer now, instead of waiting.
If your stbx purchases anything big (or runs up debts) between now and the time he is served, that is going to cost you more than you will save from the "free" (or reduced price) legal help.