Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
So after seeing how many exes have cheated...
I'm wondering how in the world you ever trust anyone again? I know not everyone cheats, but it feels like every time I turn around there's someone else who is cheating or has been cheated on! I was married for 8.5 years and apparently didn't know the man I was married to, so how in the world am I ever going to be able to date again without constantly looking over my shoulder?
(Disclaimer: I'm newly separated, and NOWHERE NEAR dating again, despite the fact that my husband decided to start dating again before we even separated. I'm just curious if the paranoia ever goes away or if I just have to make myself get over it at some point.)
She's crafty - and she's just my type.
Re: So after seeing how many exes have cheated...
I could have written your post.
I honestly don't think I will trust again. Sure I may date after I've healed (also newly separated) but only for companionship and fun. I don't think love and future with someone are in my plans. I will just focus on my children and my career.
Sounds sad/callous but that is me being honest.
Maybe I'm a little too hopeful, but I'd like to believe that there ARE trustworthy people out there. Wanna know how I know? I didn't cheat, many of you didn't cheat, lots of other people I know didn't cheat...so even though it does seem like it's everywhere, there are plenty of us who didn't and wouldn't. I also know that I have the ability to choose a better match next time, because I made fantastic choices when it came to my closest friends.
So while I agree that trusting someone will be hard, I believe the risk is worth the reward in the end.
I wish that I knew the answer to this, too. I am having a really hard time trusting any of the men I meet and it's definitely holding me back from finding someone because I push them away before they can get to close because I'm trying to protect myself.
I think that it takes a man who is willing to be patient and who is willing to prove that he is trustworthy and different than "all the others".
Time helps.
My XH cheated and got the girl pregnant. They were married 6 weeks after our divorce.
I am now happily married to a guy who would probably be more likely to gnaw off his arm than cheat.
7 years later . . .
therapy was awesome.
I will always have an eye open so to speak, but I also know that I cant be happy with my new BF unless I put myself out there and trust. Life is too short to dwell, so I make the choice to really try. If I get burned, I can handle it.
Trusting that not everybody is as terrible as xh was... and the fact that I can't punish bf for mistakes or errors xh made.
I went into the relationship saying that I will trust him until he proves he is not worthy of it. And if that trust is broken because of cheating - then I won't be with him. BF knows that once that trust is broken with me I'm done - I won't go thru that again. (he knows my past.)
I don't know how I'll be able to trust again after all the *** I was put through with my soon to be XH. I will just have to learn to trust my instincts and have faith that not everyone is bad.