Family Matters
TarponMonoxide
member
Dear Community,
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How do I get this guy to keep his mouth shut???
Here's the problem: a sibling.
He has the "town crier" syndrome --- he has a history of repeating business of mine -- and a lot of it confidential -- and he has repeatedly done so. I have also told him time and again to cut it out.
It coninues; the last episode was a couple weeks ago. I had surgery and he went and told one this woman he is sort of dating. I am not crazy about her and I sure don't want her knowing my business.
I got "oh but everybody is so worried about you."
"Look," I said to him, "this is NOT for her to know --- why did you tell her anything???"
He could be telling the man in the moon or putting on a sandwichboard and broadcasting my info in Timbuktu for what it's worth: the point is he can't keep his mouth shut and he persists in telling my sensitive business to other people.
How do I get him to stop doing it? ANy suggestions?
He has the "town crier" syndrome --- he has a history of repeating business of mine -- and a lot of it confidential -- and he has repeatedly done so. I have also told him time and again to cut it out.
It coninues; the last episode was a couple weeks ago. I had surgery and he went and told one this woman he is sort of dating. I am not crazy about her and I sure don't want her knowing my business.
I got "oh but everybody is so worried about you."
"Look," I said to him, "this is NOT for her to know --- why did you tell her anything???"
He could be telling the man in the moon or putting on a sandwichboard and broadcasting my info in Timbuktu for what it's worth: the point is he can't keep his mouth shut and he persists in telling my sensitive business to other people.
How do I get him to stop doing it? ANy suggestions?
Re: How do I get this guy to keep his mouth shut???
He knows because he is my next of kin and he had to be there that day.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
oh yeah, I do...but it's just so frustrating. isn't it common sense that some things should be left unsaid?
Obviously not to your brother!!!
He's your "next of kin...." but not really someone you can trust. You could get a close friend or even a hired employee to "be there" to pick you up if there was a problem. Or you can make up something, or even ask him to pick you up, but tell him you won't tell him why.
You KNOW he blabs, so don't tell him anything!
You can't change him. You can only change yourself.
Treat him like an public facebook page that you cannot delete posted comments on. Do you really want your sister's hairdresser's dentist's cousin knowing something about you from 2009? If not, you don't tell him, because eventually he will tell them.
A blabber mouth is a blabber mouth and always will be a blabber mouth.
Sadly, no. My MIL is your brother. The check-out clerk at the grocery store probably knows all of DH and my business. I found out the Admiral of the local Coast Guard has seen my wedding photos and the Admiral is not a close friend of the family.
She will start a conversation with "let me tell you a secret...". DH and I have learned to ask "whose secret" because they are not always her secrets to tell. Most of the family knows my SIL is in trouble of failing out of university from my MIL. Not sure if SIL wants this to be such common knowledge.
We don't tell her much of anything important. Because she'll tell private information to family (nuclear, extended, and extended-extended) and close friends (and somewhat close friends). Bothers the heck out of DH because he feels like we're cutting out his Mom. My response is if MIL didn't share private information with every Tom-***-and-Harry we wouldn't have to be so close lipped. Anything we do tell her that is vaguely private we have to preface with "this is not public knowledge, do not share it with SIL, aunt, etc".
Super easy solution. This goes back to you.Stop the information flow *to* your brother.
You are part of his life, and being worried for you about your surgery is something I think is going to be normal, and I think it is normal to chat about those things to your friends and relatives. However, despite the example you gave, you share that this goes beyond small talk to private business that you've specifically asked him (I'm assuming prior to his sharing the business) to keep things on the "down-low" -
The way I see it, he's not going to be any more dedicated to keeping your affairs private than you yourself are. If you want to dedicate yourself to keeping your private life private, then don't make it public to someone you know has shown ineptness in that area.
Just a question - - did you **** out the name D!ck, or did thenest star it out for you? Amazing if you can't print a name!
Do you specifically ask him not to tell other people? If you do, does he still blab or keep it to himself?
If he has ignored your specific requests not to repeat information in the past, you need to figure out a way to cut off the information to him. Designate someone else to be your next of kin.
But if you don't specifically tell him "Please don't repeat this to other people," give that a try. Obviously, he has a different standard of what privacy means than you do. It's not fair to have expectations of people and expect them to live up to those expectations if you don't tell them specifically what they are. Don't expect people to be mindreaders - it just sets them up for failure and you up for disappointment. Tell him before you give him information that you expect it to remain between the two of you.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
Please take this in the spirit intended:
Shoot him. Dead men tell no tales.
The Nest blocked it out - I did not even think about censors when I was writing the post!