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Marriage update - long
He did sit with me Friday night and we did talk after Levi went to bed. He said that he doesn?t know how the texting got to be to the point that it was; that it started as just relaying information to his friend schedule for the nursing home in the mornings, and then it progressed into chit chat to kill time on his half hour drive to work, and then to messages likes jokes and stuff throughout the day. And he said he never meant to hide anything from me, but he felt that by the time he realized it got to this point, he didn?t know how to bring it up without it looking bad. A lot of the times it was her starting the texts?and I know how DH replies to stuff, it?s usually just an Oh or Haha. He then got the laptop out and showed me that he has not texted her since the last one he lied about.
I want to say that I honestly think he realized that he did something wrong and is trying to correct it. Like sending the flowers, but I?m not saying they fixed anything. Besides the flowers, he called me 3 times out of the blue Friday. That usually never happens. He also went to the to a family function with me with no arguing, and no ?begging? from me. As far as the blowing up at me, he was retaliating because I had lied to him the night before. I went to the Verizon wireless site and requested a new password because I couldn?t remember it. I thought it would go to email that I could check and delete, I didn?t know it would get texted to Dan?s phone. He called me and asked if I knew anything about changing a password for Verizon and I said no. When I went home, I asked to see the text, remembered the new password, and then logged in the next day. Which then sent him another text, saying the password had been used. Shortly after he got that text was when I called him and confronted him on the phone saying I had proof sitting in front of me that he lied. So basically, I had him backed into a corner, and the only way he could think of to get out of it, was to turn the situation around and control what I couldn?t. So I want to think things are on the mend, but trust me, I pay attention to what he does, and I notice when he does something just the slightest bit off. I told him, I will find out if he ever tries to hide anything from me again. Thanks again for lending your shoulders and advice when I needed them most.
Re: Marriage update - long
It's good that everything is out in the open...but I have to wonder, how long would've the texting continued had you not suspected something? Why is he texting her for "something do do" on his long commute (any why is he texting and driving anyway?!). I'm very happy to hear that he's starting to do the things he should be doing, but like I told you in the PM, it's a very common thing for a guy to do. They'll say/do all the right things for a while, and then BAM, he starts texting or something similiar like that. K even did that with me, and we all know how that ended. He even went as far to bring my family into it, telling my dad that "divorce isn't an option". I really truly hope that isn't the case in your situation and that your H just needed a wakeup call. But if anything continues, no matter how "unimportant", please don't let him explain it away. I strongly urge you to look into that program/book that I recommended. It can really help you and DH reconnect.
I understand your point of view, and it's basically the same thing my sister said. I asked her advice. Her husband physically cheated, they seperated for about 5 months and almost divorced. They have now been back together for almost 4 years and seem stronger than ever.
I asked how she forgave him for lying to her. Because truthfully, that's all DH has done to me..is lie. He did not, and I honestly believe would not, ever physically cheat on me. Yeah, he was probably cheating emotionally, but I've probably done the same thing in the past.
Anyway, I am proceeding with caution, and I'm not taking this lightly. DH knows that I'm not over it and that it will take time and patience, and more effort on his part for me to get over it....and probably never completely over it.
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