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Nosy Nancy
How would you politely tell your Aunt Nancy that you do not want her in or around your home because...
She's been caught rifling through others' personal belongings and mail, then talking about it to other family members about that mail.
She stole your house key. (She was asked to house sit - upon family members return she returned the key. Months later she tells said member that she doesn't need the key again she had her own made... - without asking permission.)
She's constantly making comments about how your place is "nice" but cousin Joe and Jane have THIS! (insert fancy item).
She's taken other family members over to show off what you've got while your not home - going as far as peeking in every window so the other member can see what you've got too.
For the last three years she has been begging to come see our new home and wants to know how much we paid for it, land and all. We've done great at ignoring her. However, we may be giving up the house to move closer to family. Which I have blatantly told my parents Aunt Nancy stays away! They are upset with me stating "She's family - we all have to put up with her." That's fine ...for them. But I'm family too so she should have to put up with me right? My house is my house - my peaceful zen like place where no one will come in and belittle me or judge me by what I may or may not own. (She seems to look at what you have and determine how much you make. If you make more than her or have fancier stuff than her than she tries even harder to find those differences that puts her back on top).
So - how would you politely tell you family member to back off and stop asking to come over and see what you've got?
Re: Nosy Nancy
Refuse to discuss Nancy with your family members.
Also, if you have the $$, get an alarm system. Don't tell anyone the code!
And no, you do not have to "put up" with anybody. Just b/c you share DNA? That makes no sense!
My parents are disappointed with me that I won't be honoring the code of "keeping the peace in the family," but they are torn because they too agree with me - they just don't want to rock the boat as my mom would say - with Aunt Nancy.
I'm just having some difficulty saying politely - its none of your damm business!
We have a house in mind to rent while we make this transition - and I can see Nancy asking - where are you staying while your house is on the market? Where I would respnd with - here in town. Nancy will continue to ask questions goating me into giving her the exact location so she can "know where it is" but in reality she'll be driving by on her way home and you can probably bet she'll stop by next time to get the inside tour.
DH loves your idea of the alarm. I hope we can afford it during the transition
Someone I know was asking inappropriate questions of very expensive items (ie. my wedding gown)...when asked, "How much was your dress?" My response was, "It was enough." Their response, "No seriously, how much did you spend on it?" I said, "Enough."
They realized no information would come from my lips and gave up.
If she asks how much something costs, you say "I'm really not comfortable discussing that", or "That's not your concern".
She makes assumptions? "That must have cost ___", you say "I'm not really concerned about the cost.". She says it in a "Oh- I have a nicer/ more expensive ___", you say w/ a smile "THat's great. I'm glad it makes you feel better." and change the topic.
She compares your house/ stuff to other people? "That's great!". Someone has a nicer TV/ Couch/ Backyard (in her eyes), you just say "That's great for them" w/ a smile and then you change the topic.
You catch her going through your stuff? As you're literally moving her or taking whatever from her hands, "Uh, excuse me Aunt Nancy, please don't do ___" w/ a firm voice.
OTHERS may feel you have to "put up" with her, but you don't have to. You don't have to necessarily be mean and nasty about it, but you can be firm and direct.
THe less reaction she gets, she might back off. I would think that some of this is her wanting a reaction of jealousy.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Answer her personal questions with a statement
Q: "How much did that cost?"
A: "That's a very personal question."
A: "I'd rather not discuss such a personal topic."
A: "DH and I don't discuss finances with either set of ILS."
or the famous "answer as a question..."
A: "Why would you ask something so personal?"
And really, if you want your privacy, you need to stop talking to your parents (or anyone else) about how much things cost. It's a little strange to insist on privacy when Nancy could, for example, ask your parents how much that coffee table set you back. (I"m not sure if you do this, but just FYI).
In my family that would be stating the obvious. If I said that to Aunt Nancy? I don't know what would happen...
Thanks for the suggestions ladies. I personally favor the question with a question. I wonder what their answer would be if I asked that? I'll arm my parents with that one too.
Also - we never discuss finances with anyone other than my FIL. He is our accountant - he sees almost everything at tax season lol. He's a great guy. We do not tell him how much is in the bank or where we spend our cash. He just knows the deductibles and earnings - ya know - tax stuff.
Why do you have to be polite?
Change the locks, get a security system if you don't have one, and put up a no trespassing sign. Tell the neighbors to call the police if they see anyone snooping around.
Then, when she asks how much things cost, say "We dont discuss our finances." Firm and distant smile. When she asks how much you earn say "That's private". And since you know perfectly well she'll do this more often in any house you select that is nearer than the one you're in now, don't move any nearer.