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I've been served
I've been served with the respondent divorce paper and while at church! Stbxh had the gall to sit right behind me and give me the biggest smile. What is up with that?
Stbxh exploded last night. I have not seen him share his feelings or show emotions for years as he is not good at expressing them. I've been waiting for him to move out since he formally wanted a divorce since July 4th. I have not been keeping the home clean or been on top of things lately. I acknowledge that it is not healthy or good but he is always home and I've been staying away from him.
It is really upsetting him that I have not been helpful at home. I'd like to say it is because I am in my survival mode but I am not so sure at this point. I tend to be so hard on myself. But then again, how am I suppose to feel good around him when he bluntly said that he never loved me and dislike my personality. Communication is our biggest issue but at this point, I am not sure what to do. And why now? Why start sharing his feeling when he could not share these things during our counseling session or when we discussed our relationship. He gave up on our relationship so easily then, so easy that I went into shock.
I feel like he is working hard to make it look like he was doing the right thing and making me out to be a disgusting person. We all have our flaws but he was not willing to work through them via open communication in the past. ughh.... Thanks for letting me vent...
Re: I've been served
Ugh I'm sorry. Are you in counseling?
ETA: The reason I asked about counseling is because you seem to think it's ok that he's flipping out at you or that you not cleaning the house is a bad thing. Tell him to clean his own damn house if he is being so lazy not to move out. You don't owe him anything!
Um...if he wants a clean space all to himself, he can move out!!! HE is the one who wants to leave the marriage, so why doesn't he just LEAVE!!! Also, nothing is keeping him from cleaning up your home. Even if you contribute 50% of the mess - trust me, I clean more than "my half" in my home.
You're getting divorced - he has served you the papers. So why are you listening to him when he "explodes"? You aren't required to listen to him anymore - that's what a spouse does, and he fired you from that job. The next time he starts yelling or even saying something you don't want to listen to, leave the room, go to your bedroom and close the door (and lock it!).
While you're at it, get a good lawyer so that you can insist he only communicates to your via your counsel.
Thanks! Yes I am in counseling and I go for my next appointment tomorrow night. I have a long hard road of teaching myself love and respect and deserving that in return after a lifetime of abandonment. I am aware now and just hard for me to practicing my new way of thinking and behavior but I will get there someday. I did tell stbxh that he needs to move out and I have not been cleaning because I don't want to be around him. I think he is trying to over justify his actions.
I just started the first step of seeking legal help by using my employer's EAP benefits. I can't wait for this to progress. I am just starting to realize how ugly this divorce can really get.
We sold our home last August. It was during the sale that he decided to divorce me instead of moving to another town where he works so I can be a stay at home mom and try for another baby. This divorce took me by surprise as I didn't see it coming. We had to move a week later and because of my son and high cost of living area, we quickly moved into a rental sleeping in separate bedrooms.
He is seriously looking now for another place, we both don't make much money and it is the Bay Area. If he does not move out next month, I have a plan to move out by December 1st but I rather keep the rental we are at now as it is a perfect fit and location for day care and my job.