International Nesties
dulcemariamar1
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
When you were single...
Did you want to know how many people your SO had been with before dating you? Did you go into a lot of detail about their sexual past or would you rather not know.
Re: When you were single...
Ditto for me, and DH was willing to share *almost* every detail ;-)
We're headed to the Maldives on Christmas Eve!
I asked about it, but only because I was curious. It didn't matter to me.
He was really open about it and we talked at length about both of our histories. He said nothing that bothered me and I don't think he cared about my history either.
That said, he has been with a whoooooole lot more people than I have, but he's much older so I guess that's expected.
I know the answer because it was easy but he doesn't know (and never will) my answer. I had a bit of a... well... past I guess. I got all the testing and we've been monogomous for over 11 years now so it's definitely in my past! If he ever really wanted to know, I'd tell him but he (and I!) prefer otherwise. I spent the weekend at his place the first time we met up so it's not like he thought I was perfect.
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
Not at the outset. At first, it was about connection to that person, how I felt around him, etc. If I felt it was going down the sexual route, I would want to have a rough idea of how active the person had been and how recently--basically, to know what my risks were. And if it did get serious, we'd discuss aspects of our sexual history that were important to one of us--usually when sexual activity was relevant for some other reason.
DH and I both have a rough idea of one another's numbers. It does not bother me that DH has a past, although initially I was surprised by the disparity of when we lost our respective V cards.
oh my!
Ah yes, I forgot about this. I am still grossed out by how old (young) my DH was when he lost his V card, and more importantly, how old his partner was.
I'm never a fan of the graphic detail discussion... IMO it usually veers toward jealous (what's s/he got that I don't) crazy-town.
That said, I'm very much w/ ohhhlala and the others who have said that they didn't have a specific #, but they had a damnnn clear idea as to values, expectations, etc.
My H is a boyscout. I've known him for 11.5yrs. While I have never asked and honestly do not specifically know the number of partners he's had, I know who he is and the values he accepts from this childhood/religious upbringing and so could probably ballpark it. Could I be off a girl or two? Sure (although I highly doubt it). Does it matter..
To me, no. It doesn't matter if he's slept with 3 or 6 people, for example. I don't see a significant difference or incompatibility in terms of our values. Now 6 v. 600? yeah, I gotta admit, I don't think our values/views of sex/et al wouldn't be properly aligned.
My point being, the specific number isn't important to me. However, the underlying value system (or lack thereof) is very important. I don't personally think it needs to be 1 and done, but I also don't think it needs to be I played the grass off the field and hit a billion before I was ready to settle down.
I've told DH my number but he's always said he can't really remember his. He's a vague kind of person like that, so it could easily be true
I don't mind because I don't really care about his number, I asked out of curiosity.
He knows a fair amount about my dating history because I'm friends with most of the guys I've dated. He's told me stories from his past because they are entertaining or if I am going to meet the girl. Neither of us wants to spend an evening hanging out with someone and then hear, "oh, we dated for 3 months-2 years." Of course, that situation comes up less and less as we move around and meet new people, etc.
2012 Reading Challenge
When we were dating my DH and I did talk only briefly about past relationships, but I don't know his exact number and it isn't important to me. I only know of the true "relationships" he had - not necessarily sexual encounters.