North Florida Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
s/o deal breakers
Do you have a definitive list of deal breakers, or do you go on a case by case situation.
Can you say black and white that this would make me leave my H, or do you have to carefully examine the facts before you make a decision?
Re: s/o deal breakers
i think there is the obvious: cheating, hitting, alcohol/drug abuse.
Other things for me now are: lack of ambition, no attraction, bad in bed, doesn't want kids, travels all the time, general dbag, I'm sure there's more.
cheating and abuse are no-questions dealbreakers (though I realize that both have ranges, moreso cheating).
A less definable deal-breaker is not being a team player. I joked with DH at one point that I saw marriage like a couch. It can be great and comfortable, and you can put pillows and blankets on it and make it your own. But sometimes it's more like carrying/moving a couch. Not so fun, but as long as we're both pulling our weight, we can make it. But if you drop your side, if you "tap out".... well I'm not going to drag a couch across the room, put my back out, and run my floor.
Cheating, abuse, drugs and I would leave without question.
Serious mental issues that require indefinite medication and/or therapy - I would probably leave. That's understandably flammable, but I am not all about dealing with that.
Lack of work ethic for an extended amount of time and I would probably leave. If he was unemployed, but actively looking hardcore then I would be okay. But if he were unemployed for an extended amount of time, not looking, not willing to take a job he was overqualified for, etc then I would be out.
Continuous dishonesty would be another dealbreaker for me. Not just telling me he cleaned the bathroom when he didn't, but serious violations of trust over and over again and I would leave.
Serious criminal acts and I would leave.
Any serious and permanent changes in what our relationship with each other is based on - if he became uber religious and forced it on me, if he wanted to become swingers or move to a hippie colony in Seattle, etc.
That's a very good analogy. I like it!
I love this one.
How is it that my BABY is going to be 3?
BFP-2/25/11; 8 Wk U/S-3/25/11-No HB, measured 6.5 wks; D&C
LOL. Reading this made me realize what little thought I really put into my answer. I would like to say that him coming home and saying, "I'd like to start up a meth lab in our kitchen and if you're not ok with that, I'm going to beat you and then make you move to a hippy colony in Seattle where we'll swing" would also be a deal breaker for me. I'm also out if he decides he might take up activities such as murdering, raping or general pillaging.
Yeah, me too. Abuse would definitely be a dealbreaker. Toward me or our children. There's no reason for that. Also, if DH decided to start dealing drugs, I don't think I would stay around.
How is it that my BABY is going to be 3?
BFP-2/25/11; 8 Wk U/S-3/25/11-No HB, measured 6.5 wks; D&C
yeah, that's why i added the not-being-a-team-player thing. There are so many vague possibilites of just not working for the same thing that I wouldn't tolerate. It's not quite the same as abuse/cheating, because it's not like one instant things are okay and the next they are totally broken... but the end result of not being willing to live my life in a certain way would still stand.
ITA with all of this, especially the part about serious mental issues.