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so relieved!!!
so this morning I woke feeling regret (typical) but also guilt over our separation/end of marriage.
StbX stopped loving me about 5 years ago (no "I love yous", no kisses/hand-holding/hug, no time together) and I began to wonder today if maybe I have blown it out of proportion.
I know StbX was unhappy about my pregnancy weight gain (I was 20 pounds heavier then when we married) so part of me blames myself for him not being interested in my anymore. (side note - with the stress of separation I have lost 22 pounds and I'm back to a size 6 which was a bittersweet moment on the bathroom scale that morning I'll tell you.)
I also never nagged him and when he went out late nights without me, or went on vacation and I wasn't invited, or told me casually that he joined an online dating site -I let it go. If I have been furious maybe be would have tried to keep my happy by spending time with me.
StbX even explained his poor behavior on me (e.x., I helped him create his online dating profile -!!!???). So I'm feeling crummy all morning thinking maybe all DHs behave that way, when a friend emailed me with her support again (yeah for friends) saying that over the past few years she and her DH had noticed my StbX lack of involvement with me and the kids when they visited us, and they thought it was weird.
I can't tell you how relieved I am that I am not imagining it or over-reacting. It did happen.
One day at a time....
Re: so relieved!!!
Isn't it crazy how we doubt ourselves like that? From reading this someone who hasn't been through this might ask, "What is wrong with this woman?! How could she not see that?!" but when it happens over time, it is easy to become accustomed to one douchy thing after another. It's only when we look back, or have others point it out to us, that we realize this all DID happen and it's NOT okay.
I'm glad you're realizing that you were right to leave. It's easy to blame ourselves instead of our SO's because we want things to work out. Counseling will help you recognize this and make sure you don't do it again. I'm happy you're starting to see things from a different perspective. It will get better
I am so totally in this boat (just about daily it seems). I am so thankful for counselors and friends.
Can I just say that I love you guys!?
This is the exact same line of questioning that runs through my head every day.
Thank goodness for the patient people that give me the same answer when i ask the same question over and over.