Hudson Valley Nesties
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

*mrse*

I understand that you are the moderator, however I have a real issue with your conflict of interest with you being the moderator and also one of Navys friends.

 It seems like every couple of months when Navy gets an itch to stir up drama and someone (like myself) reacts when I dont appreciate how she dumps her negativity all over the board you respond in one of two ways; you either lock the post or you tell us to grow up.  Neither of those options solve or address the issues at hand.  Her drama isnt new and neither is your response to it.  

This board should be a place where women come together to share ideas/ suggestions not one where some people try to make themselves look/feel better by looking down on everyone else.

Simply stated, if you cannot be neutral you should not be the moderator.

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Re: *mrse*

  • I have to respectfully disagree with you Kate. I think mrse handles each situation calmly and respectfully. She steps back and is able to see both sides of the situation and definitely does not always take navy's side. In terms of "locking a post", she did that once and because ALL of the comments had gotten out of hand. I don't want to stir up trouble, but being moderator is not easy and I didn't see you stepping up for the job. I think it is unfair for you to fault her for being friends with someone and I do not agree that it impedes on her acting as moderator. JMO.
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  • imagecutekate:

    I understand that you are the moderator, however I have a real issue with your conflict of interest with you being the moderator and also one of Navys friends.

     It seems like every couple of months when Navy gets an itch to stir up drama and someone (like myself) reacts when I dont appreciate how she dumps her negativity all over the board you respond in one of two ways; you either lock the post or you tell us to grow up.  Neither of those options solve or address the issues at hand.  Her drama isnt new and neither is your response to it.  

    This board should be a place where women come together to share ideas/ suggestions not one where some people try to make themselves look/feel better by looking down on everyone else.

    Simply stated, if you cannot be neutral you should not be the moderator.

    I appreciate your honesty. I have never hidden that I'm friends w Navy which I realize you are not accusing me of. However I have also never hidden the fact that at times I disagree with some of her posts. I would be unfair as a mod if I only went after posts and/or nesties that are negative towards Navy herself. I believe I have locked posts both attacking and hijacked by her. In addition my.role as a moderator requires me to moderate tense and/or inappropriate posts. One method in which moderation is required is to lock posts in order to halt inappropriate chatter on all counts. On top of that I am required to report on the mod board all of my actions. I must state who what when where and why. The next gods check up on each interaction. Do you think they'd allow me to continue if my justifications were simply because someone was being mean to my friend? In fact, I've tried very hard to maintain a.neutral if not pleasant rapport with all nesties even.those that are not friendly nor fond of navy. If the board as a whole feels the same as you I will step down bc I will certainly not be accused of acting poorly or unfairly each time I moderate the board according to regulations set by the nest. However in the mean time I will continue to lock posts when deemed necessary. And yes, if ppl are carrying on foolishly I will tell them to grow up. Whether its people that are My Friends or not there's no excuse for attacking others and I'm sorry you didn't see my intervention as a method to stop it altogether.
  • imagemrse1107:
    imagecutekate:

    I understand that you are the moderator, however I have a real issue with your conflict of interest with you being the moderator and also one of Navys friends.

     It seems like every couple of months when Navy gets an itch to stir up drama and someone (like myself) reacts when I dont appreciate how she dumps her negativity all over the board you respond in one of two ways; you either lock the post or you tell us to grow up.  Neither of those options solve or address the issues at hand.  Her drama isnt new and neither is your response to it.  

    This board should be a place where women come together to share ideas/ suggestions not one where some people try to make themselves look/feel better by looking down on everyone else.

    Simply stated, if you cannot be neutral you should not be the moderator.

    I appreciate your honesty. I have never hidden that I'm friends w Navy which I realize you are not accusing me of. However I have also never hidden the fact that at times I disagree with some of her posts. I would be unfair as a mod if I only went after posts and/or nesties that are negative towards Navy herself. I believe I have locked posts both attacking and hijacked by her. In addition my.role as a moderator requires me to moderate tense and/or inappropriate posts. One method in which moderation is required is to lock posts in order to halt inappropriate chatter on all counts. On top of that I am required to report on the mod board all of my actions. I must state who what when where and why. The next gods check up on each interaction. Do you think they'd allow me to continue if my justifications were simply because someone was being mean to my friend? In fact, I've tried very hard to maintain a.neutral if not pleasant rapport with all nesties even.those that are not friendly nor fond of navy. If the board as a whole feels the same as you I will step down bc I will certainly not be accused of acting poorly or unfairly each time I moderate the board according to regulations set by the nest. However in the mean time I will continue to lock posts when deemed necessary. And yes, if ppl are carrying on foolishly I will tell them to grow up. Whether its people that are My Friends or not there's no excuse for attacking others and I'm sorry you didn't see my intervention as a method to stop it altogether.

    The biggest issue, which I believe cutekate is stating (please correct me if I'm wrong,) that's it's great that as a moderator you lock the boards to prevent that instance from going any further, however, it doesn't prevent it from happening over and over again in other posts, and I believe that is where the issue lies.

    The negativity and snarkiness of Navy's comments and what she has to add to certain people/posts is never addressed. I don't know whether it is an issue of the two of you being friends, or just a lack of acknowledgement, but to others it seems as though it is because you are friends outside of TN. If there is no acknowledgement or repercussions for her actions, there's no reason for it to end.

    In addition to the negativity/snarkiness, I have an issue with Navy referring to everybody by their real name. There are a few other people on the board who do this occasionally, however, she is the biggest offender. It is stated in the "rules" of the board, yet it is never addressed. There was a time that a nestie's full name was posted on the board and nothing was done except the post was deleted after a big deal was made about it. That's where I feel that as a moderator, it needs to be acknowledged a little better. I understand that being a moderator is not an easy task, but with that title, I feel as though the issues need to be addressed to prevent them from happening over and over again, rather than just lock a post or say ladies grow up and just forget it even took place until the next time.

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  • imageJezzabella08:
    imagemrse1107:
    imagecutekate:

    I understand that you are the moderator, however I have a real issue with your conflict of interest with you being the moderator and also one of Navys friends.

     It seems like every couple of months when Navy gets an itch to stir up drama and someone (like myself) reacts when I dont appreciate how she dumps her negativity all over the board you respond in one of two ways; you either lock the post or you tell us to grow up.  Neither of those options solve or address the issues at hand.  Her drama isnt new and neither is your response to it.  

    This board should be a place where women come together to share ideas/ suggestions not one where some people try to make themselves look/feel better by looking down on everyone else.

    Simply stated, if you cannot be neutral you should not be the moderator.

    I appreciate your honesty. I have never hidden that I'm friends w Navy which I realize you are not accusing me of. However I have also never hidden the fact that at times I disagree with some of her posts. I would be unfair as a mod if I only went after posts and/or nesties that are negative towards Navy herself. I believe I have locked posts both attacking and hijacked by her. In addition my.role as a moderator requires me to moderate tense and/or inappropriate posts. One method in which moderation is required is to lock posts in order to halt inappropriate chatter on all counts. On top of that I am required to report on the mod board all of my actions. I must state who what when where and why. The next gods check up on each interaction. Do you think they'd allow me to continue if my justifications were simply because someone was being mean to my friend? In fact, I've tried very hard to maintain a.neutral if not pleasant rapport with all nesties even.those that are not friendly nor fond of navy. If the board as a whole feels the same as you I will step down bc I will certainly not be accused of acting poorly or unfairly each time I moderate the board according to regulations set by the nest. However in the mean time I will continue to lock posts when deemed necessary. And yes, if ppl are carrying on foolishly I will tell them to grow up. Whether its people that are My Friends or not there's no excuse for attacking others and I'm sorry you didn't see my intervention as a method to stop it altogether.

    The biggest issue, which I believe cutekate is stating (please correct me if I'm wrong,) that's it's great that as a moderator you lock the boards to prevent that instance from going any further, however, it doesn't prevent it from happening over and over again in other posts, and I believe that is where the issue lies.

    The negativity and snarkiness of Navy's comments and what she has to add to certain people/posts is never addressed. I don't know whether it is an issue of the two of you being friends, or just a lack of acknowledgement, but to others it seems as though it is because you are friends outside of TN. If there is no acknowledgement or repercussions for her actions, there's no reason for it to end.

    In addition to the negativity/snarkiness, I have an issue with Navy referring to everybody by their real name. There are a few other people on the board who do this occasionally, however, she is the biggest offender. It is stated in the "rules" of the board, yet it is never addressed. There was a time that a nestie's full name was posted on the board and nothing was done except the post was deleted after a big deal was made about it. That's where I feel that as a moderator, it needs to be acknowledged a little better. I understand that being a moderator is not an easy task, but with that title, I feel as though the issues need to be addressed to prevent them from happening over and over again, rather than just lock a post or say ladies grow up and just forget it even took place until the next time.

    I'll try to address all points -- sorry if its rushed, I'm heading out to work shortly.

    In regards to repercussions - similarly to what i mentioned above, my only "task" is to spot certain posts that contain spam, snark and/or illicit/prohibited content. I am allowed to lock posts and delete content (if really deemed necessary). I must then report to the "Nest God" on the moderator board regarding any and all action I took and they then determine whether repercussions or further action is required.

    Unfortunately, in the code of conduct, being snarky and negative may be frowned upon by the general population but it doesn't violate anything. Its simply hurtful. Therefore, when the "Gods" read the posts, there's nothing more they can do other than ask me to keep an eye on it to be sure it doesn't get out of hand any further. So, other than a few locked posts and a tsk tsk there is no way to stop those type posts because technically she stays within certain rules.

    In regards to the first name issue, I will double check for you, but I was pretty sure that although it bordered the line with acceptable, it didn't really cross it. However, anything over that line, is totally unacceptable.

    I shouldn't state this, but I will, that a few months ago when there was big drama on the board and i was locking many posts, I KNOW for a fact that the Nest Gods were debating the course of action (re: banning, "suspension of screen name") etc... and sent a warning saying so. However, at the time the "Nest God" in charge of that mod board was monitoring it as well, she felt a warning was the best course of action.

    I can see why you can, and do, feel that because of a relationship I have IRL can interfere however, I have never stood behind attacking posts because that's not my style. I don't stand behind something I dont' believe in.

    In addition, I will send this post to the Nest God to see their take. Now, at this point, if they do want me to step down, who will moderate fairly? Find me one person who is truly impartial on this board... someone is always friends with or more friendly with one person over the other.

    And lastly, snark can not be banned nor can it be stopped, but if some things such as using first names are troublesome, perhaps we can work on our own personal HV guidelines to follow... idk, just an idea.

  • In regards to the first name issue, I will double check for you, but I was pretty sure that although it bordered the line with acceptable, it didn't really cross it. However, anything over that line, is totally unacceptable.

    jezza- i believe you were talking about the incident that happened with me last year when my name was copied and pasted from a facebook message onto the nest. right? 

    i jsut checked my emails and i had to personally send out emails to the nest asking to delete this and was told revealing my information WITHOUT my permission was violation of privacy. especially when it was done out spite and on purpose.  it clearly violated the rule below. 

    (((fromt thenest community rules:::: No collecting, storing or posting personal other members? personal information.

    Regardless of what was shared by another member, you may not repost their names, photos or any other identifying information. Invading the privacy of another member will result in an immediate termination of your account.))) 

    i believe in this case, cutekate was indicating that her dh occupation and rank was revealed without permission. which violates the rules

    I ALSO had to ask to nest through email to post the rules of the board so we all are aware what is acceptable and what is not. 

    HOWEVER, i dont know if mrse was a mod. yet. for the board.  

    i believe we are all ADULTS here and i understand we aren't going to agree on each topic or issue but i dont think certain people should get attacked because of the feelings or views. and i understand certain people do not get along but we should all be able to reply to a post without having our character damaged. 

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  • So I have to finally comment.  The "hit" out for my SN is ridiculous, because I don't agree with off comments or statements and voice it, then it goes back and forth, are not worthy of deletion.  Usually it is someone else who takes them to the next level first too, attacking me back.

    Having an opposing opinion and disagreements is not a crime, and my snarkiness?  Have you visited a national board?  There are girls with over 15,000 posts who  say tings 1000x worse then I do apparently have not been deleted.

    Also using real names?  My real name is used ALL THE TIME on here,  should those offenders be reported too? 

    You can delete someone just because you don't like them, and don't agree with them.  A principal can't kick out a kid in school for calling another a "meanie head."  Which is what you are asking to be done here.

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  • imagenavybride06:

    Also using real names?  My real name is used ALL THE TIME on here,  should those offenders be reported too?   

    you copied and pasted my first and last name from a facebook message onto a post out of snark.  

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  • all. I can reiterate is that every instance had been logged onto mod boards. I realize you expect Me As mod to punish ban and or delete Navy. I am not given that power. So if the nest allowed her to stay even after that it has nothing to.do With me and I feel like you are failing to see that portion of what I'm saying. My power is very limited and I mentioned above what I'm allowed to do. I am sorry people were hurt in the past with name pasting, yes Ny, it was very wrong, But as a mod i can't Do what you are thinking I should. And beyond the name thing she is just mean to some.people I can't Make her like you nor can I make you like her. My suggestion is to block her as a user so you don't have to read her posts. This post too is getting out of hand bc I understand Cutekates original.point But I can't do anything about making her stop. But I can and do report posts Questionable in nature.
  • imagemrse1107:
    imageJezzabella08:
    imagemrse1107:
    imagecutekate:

    I understand that you are the moderator, however I have a real issue with your conflict of interest with you being the moderator and also one of Navys friends.

     It seems like every couple of months when Navy gets an itch to stir up drama and someone (like myself) reacts when I dont appreciate how she dumps her negativity all over the board you respond in one of two ways; you either lock the post or you tell us to grow up.  Neither of those options solve or address the issues at hand.  Her drama isnt new and neither is your response to it.  

    This board should be a place where women come together to share ideas/ suggestions not one where some people try to make themselves look/feel better by looking down on everyone else.

    Simply stated, if you cannot be neutral you should not be the moderator.

    I appreciate your honesty. I have never hidden that I'm friends w Navy which I realize you are not accusing me of. However I have also never hidden the fact that at times I disagree with some of her posts. I would be unfair as a mod if I only went after posts and/or nesties that are negative towards Navy herself. I believe I have locked posts both attacking and hijacked by her. In addition my.role as a moderator requires me to moderate tense and/or inappropriate posts. One method in which moderation is required is to lock posts in order to halt inappropriate chatter on all counts. On top of that I am required to report on the mod board all of my actions. I must state who what when where and why. The next gods check up on each interaction. Do you think they'd allow me to continue if my justifications were simply because someone was being mean to my friend? In fact, I've tried very hard to maintain a.neutral if not pleasant rapport with all nesties even.those that are not friendly nor fond of navy. If the board as a whole feels the same as you I will step down bc I will certainly not be accused of acting poorly or unfairly each time I moderate the board according to regulations set by the nest. However in the mean time I will continue to lock posts when deemed necessary. And yes, if ppl are carrying on foolishly I will tell them to grow up. Whether its people that are My Friends or not there's no excuse for attacking others and I'm sorry you didn't see my intervention as a method to stop it altogether.

    The biggest issue, which I believe cutekate is stating (please correct me if I'm wrong,) that's it's great that as a moderator you lock the boards to prevent that instance from going any further, however, it doesn't prevent it from happening over and over again in other posts, and I believe that is where the issue lies.

    The negativity and snarkiness of Navy's comments and what she has to add to certain people/posts is never addressed. I don't know whether it is an issue of the two of you being friends, or just a lack of acknowledgement, but to others it seems as though it is because you are friends outside of TN. If there is no acknowledgement or repercussions for her actions, there's no reason for it to end.

    In addition to the negativity/snarkiness, I have an issue with Navy referring to everybody by their real name. There are a few other people on the board who do this occasionally, however, she is the biggest offender. It is stated in the "rules" of the board, yet it is never addressed. There was a time that a nestie's full name was posted on the board and nothing was done except the post was deleted after a big deal was made about it. That's where I feel that as a moderator, it needs to be acknowledged a little better. I understand that being a moderator is not an easy task, but with that title, I feel as though the issues need to be addressed to prevent them from happening over and over again, rather than just lock a post or say ladies grow up and just forget it even took place until the next time.

    I'll try to address all points -- sorry if its rushed, I'm heading out to work shortly.

    In regards to repercussions - similarly to what i mentioned above, my only "task" is to spot certain posts that contain spam, snark and/or illicit/prohibited content. I am allowed to lock posts and delete content (if really deemed necessary). I must then report to the "Nest God" on the moderator board regarding any and all action I took and they then determine whether repercussions or further action is required.

    Unfortunately, in the code of conduct, being snarky and negative may be frowned upon by the general population but it doesn't violate anything. Its simply hurtful. Therefore, when the "Gods" read the posts, there's nothing more they can do other than ask me to keep an eye on it to be sure it doesn't get out of hand any further. So, other than a few locked posts and a tsk tsk there is no way to stop those type posts because technically she stays within certain rules.

    In regards to the first name issue, I will double check for you, but I was pretty sure that although it bordered the line with acceptable, it didn't really cross it. However, anything over that line, is totally unacceptable.

    I shouldn't state this, but I will, that a few months ago when there was big drama on the board and i was locking many posts, I KNOW for a fact that the Nest Gods were debating the course of action (re: banning, "suspension of screen name") etc... and sent a warning saying so. However, at the time the "Nest God" in charge of that mod board was monitoring it as well, she felt a warning was the best course of action.

    I can see why you can, and do, feel that because of a relationship I have IRL can interfere however, I have never stood behind attacking posts because that's not my style. I don't stand behind something I dont' believe in.

    In addition, I will send this post to the Nest God to see their take. Now, at this point, if they do want me to step down, who will moderate fairly? Find me one person who is truly impartial on this board... someone is always friends with or more friendly with one person over the other.

    And lastly, snark can not be banned nor can it be stopped, but if some things such as using first names are troublesome, perhaps we can work on our own personal HV guidelines to follow... idk, just an idea.

    I appreciate you taking the time to express what your role is as moderator. I guess as "members" of this board, all we can do is report the issues that we are having, rather than putting you in a situation that you have no control over anyway.

    NyBride, yes that is the instance that I was referring to, and as far as the first names and personal information, that is the "nest rule" that I was referring to, thank you for copying and pasting it.

    Some people may feel more comfortable posting personal information about themselves on a public forum, however, other people aren't and it shouldn't be ok for someone else to use their personal information against them. Whether we choose to befriend people from the board on FB and "let them into our personal lives" is our choice, but information shared on FB and information on the nest should be kept separate.

    Navy, I apologize if you feel this is an attack on you, however, whenever there seems to be an issue on this board, it comes back to you. I guess if we had multiple negative or snarky people on the board, it would feel like less of an attack, but we are lucky on this board that everyone gets along for the most part, and isn't rude or demeaning to one another. Truthfully, there is no need for it. I have witnessed the nastiness that other boards have to offer and that is part of why I consider this my "home board." I feel I have enough to deal with in my life, that I don't need to amuse myself with internet drama on top of it. I understand that life isn't "puppies and rainbows" but I also don't understand the need to add negativity when it obviously isn't warranted. If someone writes a post, or asks for constructive criticism then I can understand posting your feelings, but in the most recent instance, there was no need for you to comment at all, it almost seems as though you were out for cutekate that day because she didn't like your blog idea.

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  • TY Jezza.  Also it has nothing to do with the blog, that was my own time, if people use it great if they don't, oh well.  I t was a quick reference for all the duplicate posts and to get past the what do I need and more into what TYPE of swing.  Not to stop chatter.

    I am sorry I am the only one on the board bringing on the snark, since that is how you feel.  

    I just don't want MrsE to be ridiculed for being my friend.  I know she doesn't approve of what I always say, she tells me that.  She has to report me when she does, and I respect her for that, she is able to stay fair and neutral.  I am not asking for her support or special treatment. I am a big girl and know what I am doing and the repercussions to my actions.   I also know I am not the only one who shares my opinions about things at times.  Others just don't post.

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  • This has gotten completely out of hand- again. It was not my intention to stir up more drama or have mrse step down as a moderator. I wanted something done about navy's bad habit of dumping all over the board- apparently the only person who can stop it is Navy herself, and I don't see that happening. For the record I was not trying to get anyones account deleted and I have never sent an email to the nest gods. But because there is no need to to keep negativity/negative people in my life I will be taking a break from the hv nest for awhile. ETA for spelling
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