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May I vent?

Last night we went to dinner at our friends'. We came with 2 cars, but FH would leave his car there because they wanted to borrow it and that was all fine. Since I was the one driving, I only had 1 glass of wine and drank soda/water the rest of the evening.

Those friends always drink a lot. I know that. And we've gotten tipsy there before (the one not driving or both if we'd sleep over). So I anticipated FH having more than 1 or 2 glasses. 

At some point after he went to the bathroom I noticed him not walking straight, nor talking straight either. (He'd been talking with male friend, I with female friend for a while, so I hadn't noticed just how drunk he was through his speech.

After that I soon suggested going home and I got him home safely. 

We went to bed and he was asleep within seconds, but tossing and turning and whatnot so bad (he never moves when he sleeps, usually) that at 5.35 in the morning I still hadn't slept for 1 second. When he goes to sleep sober and he snores or is ' in my way' I give him a gentle push and he'll move and all will be well. He didn't even wake up from outright shoves. So in the end I went to my craft room, took a sleeping pill and went to sleep on the day bed there.

I'm just so friggin pissed off about this. He gets drunk and as a result I can't sleep and need to resort to a different bed and sleeping pills (I am the bad sleeper here, I can't sleep in a 'strange'  bed, I can't sleep without him present, if I have to, I need to take sleeping pills.)

This is not the first time this happened. It seems like he just can't friggin say no. This happened earlier this year with my dad too, he hung out with my dad after I went to sleep and they got so drunk that they both puked and I couldn't sleep anymore. 

Now those friends are kinda pushy with alcohol, so I know it's not like FH asked for the booze, but how hard is it to frigging say 'no I've had enough'. I did that, after 1 glass. Why couldn't he after 3 or 4? 

Sorry, this is long and rant-y and doesn't make much sense. I'm rambling because I only got a very few hours sleep in a strange bed, so I needed to vent about that.

Thanks for listening. 

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Re: May I vent?

  • Totally understand it.  I had to have a serious talk with my H about this at one point - while he didn't get drunk on a regular basis, the very few times it happened, I ended up in the other bedroom.  Now, if he knows he's going to be drinking beyond a drink or two, he is required to sleep in the other bedroom so his sleep doesn't disturb mine.  And I think that brought to point the fact that on those rare occasions, he was just drinking too much...so it's really fallen a lot.  So I would talk to your H about this - what it means to your sleep (or lack thereof) and that it's not fair to you.  Perhaps have a word you can say that lets him know it's time to drink some water and make it clear that he's going to have to sleep elsewhere if he drinks so much.
    I like pineapples...they make life just so much more interesting.
  • imageILikePineapples:
    Totally understand it.  I had to have a serious talk with my H about this at one point - while he didn't get drunk on a regular basis, the very few times it happened, I ended up in the other bedroom.  Now, if he knows he's going to be drinking beyond a drink or two, he is required to sleep in the other bedroom so his sleep doesn't disturb mine.  And I think that brought to point the fact that on those rare occasions, he was just drinking too much...so it's really fallen a lot.  So I would talk to your H about this - what it means to your sleep (or lack thereof) and that it's not fair to you.  Perhaps have a word you can say that lets him know it's time to drink some water and make it clear that he's going to have to sleep elsewhere if he drinks so much.

    Sometimes I wish you could follow me around and tell me how to make my life a better place. You're just so damn reasonable. I love it! 

  • Thanks for the suggestions (and for hearing me out!). I did mention this morning that I didn't think it was cool that I lose sleep over his drinking. I was pretty emotional (lack of sleep makes me cry!) and he was just really quiet and told me he loves me. I'll make sure to have a better talk tonight, when I'm not so dang emotional (going to take a nap soon!)

    I had that same idea you posed, and am glad to hear it works for you. Telling him that as soon as he has more than x drinks, he sleeps on the couch/guest room/day bed/whatever, but not in my bed. The only issue that remains is when we have visitors (like my dad) and they stay up when I go to bed, but I'll figure something out for that too.

    Here's to hoping the idea of sleeping on the couch will encourage him to say no! 

    My food blog

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers < br />

    What I'm looking forward to in 2012:

    eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation.

    Eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation

    <a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
  • Thanks Ooolalalolo...I didn't come up with this right away and I'm so not always responsible or reasonable! And it does go both ways cause I can come home very late - so I get the extra bedroom.
    I like pineapples...they make life just so much more interesting.
  • I was going to suggest smothering him while he slept, but Ilikepineapples' suggestion sounds more reasonable.

    The first time BF slept over after we were drinking he snored like a jet engine. I kept shoving him and asking him to roll onto his stomach. And he would keep his eyes shut, smile a stupid smile and give me a thumbs up, then fall back asleep instantly, still on his back.

    There is now a rule that he must begin sleep on his stomach when drinking, and I have threatened stabby violence if he ever gave me a thumbs up and a smile in his sleep again.

     

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  • My friend's husband has this problem when he is around another friend of ours (who is pushy with the alcohol). I told her she should tell her H to grow a pair and learn how to say no instead of being bullied into drinking more than even he wants to. It took several serious talks before he managed to go out with that friend and drink responsibly.
  • imagemyblueangel19:
    My friend's husband has this problem when he is around another friend of ours (who is pushy with the alcohol). I told her she should tell her H to grow a pair and learn how to say no instead of being bullied into drinking more than even he wants to. It took several serious talks before he managed to go out with that friend and drink responsibly.

    In the car home, I told him: "You're drunk" to which his response was 'Yeah, that's supposed to happen' (which related to visiting these friends. He's known them since way before we started even dating and they used to live real close so he could crawl home, that was when they were all a little younger. It just pisses me off that apparently it can't be fun without alcohol.

     

    My food blog

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers < br />

    What I'm looking forward to in 2012:

    eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation.

    Eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation

    <a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
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