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Hmm.
For the most part, things are going really well with SO. We're going on 3 months, but we've spent way much more time together than most people do by 3 months. (We're usually together 2 nights a week and every weekend for most of it.) We're both the kind of people that don't just date for the fun of dating, we date and assess for compatibility for a future long term mate. So, naturally, we have general conversations about some serious topics here and there.
Last night, we were talking about my roommate moving out in September, and he said, "You know, if things keep going well like they are, I think we'd do really well living together, but I don't want to live in your house."
That kind of threw me for a loop. I agree that if things keep going they way they are, there's a distinct possibility that we'll end up living together down the line. (I'm not going there with the M word, though, because I'm not sure that will ever happen again.) We both have very similar styles of living and routines, and we've spent a lot of nights/days together, so we know each other's way of living, and we seem to fit.
What threw me for a loop was that he wouldn't want to live in my house. He just rents a small one bedroom apartment, and I have a 3 bedroom house with a basement and garage that I've owned for 2 years. I asked him why he wouldn't want to live in my house, and he said it was because of the area. He loves the location of his apartment, it's in a trendy part of town, and very walkable. it's about 15 minutes or so from his office. My house, however, is in a quiet cul-de-sac neighborhood of mostly old people and families, in a not-very-good area, and is an additional 15 minutes from his office.
I totally understand that. I love his area too, but it's rather expensive. And, well, I OWN the house. Sure, I'd love to get rid of it, but it's not likely to happen any time soon.
It gave me some food for thought. I know we haven't been together long, but it's something to file in the back of my mind for the future if we do continue dating and it turns long term.
What do you think?
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Re: Hmm.
So if I am reading it correctly it sounds more like a financial situation for you? If I was dating someone who was renting and they said they wouldn't want to live in my house if we moved in together (I also own my home) that would worry me a lot. You never know what could happen, especially when you aren't married or even engaged. Honestly, I would really evaluate this and keep it in the back of your mind going forward. You need to look out for your own best interests first and foremost and I think the fact that you own your home means a lot more than just a location where you reside. It's a sense of pride that you were able to purchase your house as well as a sense of security. I wouldn't be willing to give all of that up just because someone didn't like my neighborhood.
That being said if you continued dating way down the line and were to get married, then you'd make a joint decision together and maybe sell your home and purchase one in a neighborhood you both agree on. But honestly, right now, it's too soon to be thinking of major life decisions like moving in together anyways.
I just don't think you need to worry about this yet, honestly.
Less than 3 months? Live your lives, continue getting to know each other, and don't get stressed about things that aren't even on the horizon yet.
Like I said, it was just a comment that I wanted to file away in my mind. He's a pretty stubborn guy, so I know he won't change his mind, lol
I want to get out of my neighborhood, too, so I know that I'll try to rent it out in a few years, but it just kind of stuck in my mind as something that may be a red-flag issue down the line.
I don't actually see it as a red flag as in he's a bad guy. But a red flag as in a compatibility issue. You yourself say it's not an ideal neighborhood. He's just being honest that he wouldn't want to live there indefinitely. And I realize you own, but that wasn't a decision he was part of, so really why should he have to make such a big compromise? Agreed that its too early to make any decisions right now, but I'd be in the same boat as your SO. I LOVE living in the city, close to work around young people. I have no desire to own a home or make an investment in someone's home that I don't own. Really you end up with all of the benefit in that situation (rent money towards mortgage, someone to help with yard work and repairs,etc.) He on the other hand moves to a neighborhood he doesn't like, has to invest in a home he doesn't own and is out more money and time to commute to work.
Give him points for honesty and not just trying to live off you
Its hard to move into the other persons home, I did it and its very tough, I think it would have been better if we had both moved from our homes and bought something together. I was renting a house(paying double his mortgage payment) so since he owned and was in an area I liked better we choose to go there. I love the house, the neighbourhood everything, but its not 'ours'.
This is exactly what I was thinking.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
This too... not a bad guy at all.... I would actually share his opinion.
I agree with this, too. And combining this with it being not in the sort of neighborhood he wants, AND further from work, and he's making a solid decision.
Of course, I also agree that you're putting the cart way before the horse here. Weren't the two of you just maybe breaking up over incompatible sex stuff, like, a week ago?
No, we weren't breaking up over that, it was just a big bump in the road that we talked through, and all is better now. And no, I didn't own the house with my ex, I bought it after the divorce.
I do honestly get his point. I feel weighed down by this house, and would love to get out myself. but it's not likely to happen for a while. I can't even rent it out without taking a loss, which I just can't afford to do, and probably won't be able to afford to do if down the line we do move in together and find a bigger place in his neighborhood. (2BR apartments in his 'hood rent for more than my mortgage.) It definitely wouldn't be permanent, just temporary until we could figure out something else.
I don't know why this is a sticking point in my head, either. I know it's so early that I shouldn't even be bothered by it, but as I said, it might end up being a red flag of compatibility later on. I guess I'm trying to assess things as they come along, because I really don't want to be 3 years into a relationship only to find out that something I knew from the very beginning is the straw that breaks the relationship's back in the end. Ya know?
I have an unrelated question. But I'm really curious for some reason.
What is "Emmii"?
This screen name and your last one have had this in it. Is it some shortened version of your name, or a nickname or something? Why are there two "i"s?
I interpreted it differently
I took it to mean he wouldn't want to live in your house because its YOUR house. Instead he'd prefer a mutually new place that was both yours and his simultaneously.
(preferably rent since buying is tricky if you're not engaged/married),
Could you rent out your house then rent a new place together
I think it's a pretty good combination of both. I, too, would love to start over in a different place if I were to live with a SO, because I view this house as "mine", and it would be hard to get out of that mindset. It just almost seems silly to rent out my house and lose money to rent a smaller apartment and pay more money, just to be in an area that he deems "better" that's only 15 miles away.
And again, I know I'm putting way too much thought into this now. I don't know what in the world is making this stick in my head so much today.
I would try not to think about it too much yet. You guys will figure it out when the time comes.