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suggestions for my mom please
I am not really sure what to for the first wedding anniversary my mom will have to have without my dad (for those who do not know, he passed away in March). Their anniv is just before Thanksgiving. My mom was supposed to go to Florida with her friend and then would have been coming home that day, so I was thinking I owuld not even see her that day, but now her plans have changed and she will be home. I was thinking of asking her to go to dinner with my daughter too, some place nice and then give her flowers- was thinking a red rose like my dad always did, but do you think that is too much- maybe just reg flowers? or flowers with a red rose in them. ? I don't want her to get too sad, or more than she will lareday be. I have a feeling she will even back out on us like she did on her b-day (i siad we could go out to dinner after the beach and we had plans then she said all she wanted was ice cream and went home after- ugh). so, i guess i am just asking if what i am thinking of doing is ok, or if anyome has any other thoughts thta might be good too. thanks
by the way... thought things would pick up once summer was over...hmm, but I am not on either. Nothing much to say i guess and don't have too much info to the quests being asked either. Hope everyone is doing well.
Re: suggestions for my mom please
I would do what you would have done for both your parents. If you would have taken them out to dinner, then invite her to dinner. If you normally sent a card, send her a card.. If you visited them, then do that. The day is still important to her, even though he is gone. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, and if she declines the invitation, then respect that as well. Everyone grieves differently.
I was only 11 when my father passed away. There wasn't a whole lot of thought that a child could do for their parents' special days without adult assistance. Since then, I call my mom every year on my father's birthday, their anniversary, and hthe anniversary if his death. On the "big" years, we may do something more, but it has been 20 years now and in many ways, time has eased the hurt. I just let my mom know that I remember, and that I am thinking of her and him.
There is no right or wrong here. I think that incorporating a red rose into this day for your mom is a beautiful gesture and tribute to the love your parents shared... The vow may be "til death do us part," but the surviving spouse is still here and a love that great cannot simply be extinguished. May this year be about beginning the fond memories, "until we meet again."
Hugs to you!
I'm still checking in here, but have to wait until Christmas before I will have a laptop again. Checking in (and moreso, posting) from my phone isn't quite as easy
Your response was just perfect...TY!! Honestly, I can't even tell you how much it helped me. Among so many other aspects of what you have written, I do have to say it does help to understand I do not have to go so far above and beyond thinking I am making her "feel better"- I think doing so much is MY way of feeling better, doing so much to keep me busy and thinking it will just make her feel better too, when that is not always going to be the case. It is hard too b/c they have been away in their time share (which she just sold) on their anniv. One year I did call ahead and had their meal paid for at the restaurant they had planned to eat at and they restaurant made it even more special for them with some fun decorations too. I will never forget that. Last year I took them to The Nutcracker when they came home b/c my mom really wanted to take DD, so I made it into a family night together. But these things were for special occasions, which have been lately (like last year was 40 years and the dinner surprise away was 35 yrs- so those all had diff circumstances I guess, but those were on my mind). Sorry, went off there... but TY so much for helping.
And ugh on the computer until Christmas. I remember you saying you had to use your phone awhile ago... too long w/o a computer. Hopefully you'll get a good deal on one at Christmas time too.
Thanks again!!