Family Matters
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Moving in with my parents?
My husband and I have been married a little over one year. We rent a house from my in-laws. My husband works as desktop support and I worked as a library aide while going to school. I lost my job in March due to district budget cuts. They paid me all the way to August so it was fine. I graduated with my master's in library science in August. We are struggling financially now because I can't find a job and my husband does not make enough for us to be on our own. I have five jobs interested in me and waiting to hear what happens/additional interviews. His parents are not being the most helpful. My husband is going to see if they will let us live rent free until we know what will happen with my job situation, but it will not be pretty. We are now thinking about living with my parents. I am just worried about getting stuck there and never being able to move out. We don't want to, but we may not have any other choice. Has anyone done that or going through that right now? Were you able to move out after a certain period of time? How did it go overall?
Re: Moving in with my parents?
I moved back home with my parents, and it was a really difficult transition. It didn't help that my parents and I always had a tumultuous relationship, but it was even more magnified. They just couldn't mind their own business, and didn't respect boundaries. No privacy, either. When moving out of their house, they took it personally, and it created even more problems. It was a no win situation.
Maybe as a temporary solution it might work for you, but make sure your boundaries are clear to them and you have a firm end date to moving out that is clear up front.
Also, if you have at least a little money for rent, perhaps you could consider a house sharing or roommate situation with a third-party that is not related to you? Even though it will cost money, it might be much better solution and give you the independence and motivation to work on getting your job and finances in order and into your own place sooner.
It sucks out there.
There are many many people with advanced degrees and many years of experience who cannot find jobs; your thread is a small representative of those people.
And there are full grown adults in their 30s, 40s and even 50s who move in with parents due to economic reasons.
Wishing you luck.
Mags, nothing is like it used to be, job interview wise.
Every employer you interview with will give you a one size fits all approach; they will all say "you're a strong candidate" or what have you --- and who knows how long it is, if at all, when you'll hear from them next?
Nothing is like it used to be. I've seen interviewers vanish from the radar; you'll call or email to find out what happened to the job and you'll get no reply.
This has been the experience of a great many job hunters. It sucks --- there's no etiquette, no courtesy, no decorum anymore. It used to be that if you were in the running, you knew by the context of the interview and if you were not, same thing: you knew by the context of the interview's content.
Could you potentially work some part time job while you hunt for a better job? I know for me personally I've been job hunting for 2.5 years (education degree) so I have two part time jobs in the mean time. Just something to think about.
Or as a pp said, get a roommate. H and I could totally live with family (if the need arose) and it would be fine, but I like my privacy and their walls are paper thin.
If you and your H think it would work out fine and there are no other options, go for it.
If they've invited you to live with them, and if you get along with them and they're the types who won't butt into your lives too much ... well, do what you gotta do, but ditto PP who said to really work hard to save up enough to move out.
It's tough to live with your parents as an adult, especially if you're married. There's a lot of tension and conflict sometimes because of different ways of living, and if your folks are always around you can lose the feeling of feeling like a real married couple with your own lives. Plus, remember that it's THEIR house and they are supporting you guys, so you don't really have the right to complain about a lack of privacy or having to do things their way.
If you decide to move in with them, make sure that you all sit down beforehand and hash out some agreements. Put them in writing if you can. Talk about both couples' right to privacy, how much money you will contribute to the household, and set a date when you will either move out or reassess the situation and make a new plan.
I would advise not moving in with your parents if you can possibly help it, but it sounds like you don't really have much of a choice right now. Personally I would explore other options for now, like part-time jobs or bringing in a friend as a temporary roommate (if you bring in a roommate, set up an agreement like I mentioned above).
Thank you all for your advice. I think we are going to try and meet with them sometime over the next two weeks. We had thought about a roommate, but our house is small and only has one bathroom so it may be uncomfortable for all o parties involved. I know it will be hard on my parents and us if we all try to live together. We will be on opposite ends of the house and have our bedroom/bathroom so that is good, but two married couples living together and hearing the other couples business is hard I am sure. My parents are really nice for offering because I know it won't be easy for them.
Our goal is for me to get a job in a year in my field and save to move out. It's just hard to say at this point because I am not for sure what will happen. I am with a temp agency now so that is not stable. It's up and down. I may have a temp to hire job with a company through them, but am waiting to here back. I know many are going through this and it is not easy. I just hope moving in with them will be a temporary situation and not permanent as we don't know when I will get a job.
I'd put my big items into storage or sell them and then move into the cheapest apartment I could find - inlcuding something really small or something with roommates.
What you're asking is how to live above your means. What you're trying to do is to get someone else to pay your living expenses - either his parents or your parents. And that's just not the way grown-up, married people should live. There is no harm or shame in living on a tiny income, especially when you are young and just getting started. It makes for good stories. While living off of parents is often described as torture.
This, we'd live in a studio apt. first. And it isn't because we don't get along with either set of parents, it's because we do get along and would like to keep it that way.
How long can you stay afloat in your current situation?
I have an MLS too. Another problem I suspect you'll face is that even if one of these jobs made you an offer next week, it can take 6-8 weeks to go through the hiring process and actually start the job - or that's how it is here. It's just city beauracracy and red tape that takes a really really long time.
Now if you're looking for corporate librarian work, that has a more normal turn around time. Do you live in/near a big city that would have business libraries, law libraries or medical libraries? You can often pick up temp work there and it would look good on your resume.
Back to your original question, I would only move in with my mother if it was that or homelessness. My MIL, well, she lives with us part of the year anyway - but that is very different because we are on equal footing here.
I am a librarian and it is hard in our field right now to find work. I am lucky, I have a full-time job. However, I see how many fewer jobs there are in our profession, I see how when people are retiring or quitting, more workplaces are trying to delay replacing them to save money.
Are you willing to move for a job? Often the big advice to newly minted librarians looking for a job is to apply to everything, and be willing to move for a job.
Good luck!
i would take a job in any field to avoid that.
you're married, you're adults. do what you have to do to act like adults. take a job at a drug store, supermarket, fast food place etc.. anything... until you find a job in your field.
I guess I've just seen this go well and am not so against it. I think it really depends on your priorities and relationship with your parents.
My brother and his wife live with my mom and have since they got married. At first it was in her house, then later he bought a house and my mom moved in with them. I think it was mostly because they didn't want to leave my mom alone, although it helped him save for a house, and now that he has one, my mom is helping him keep it (he bought in California in 2007 and later found out his daughter is severely handicapped, so there are money issues and SIL can't work because she has to care for their daughter).
My mom isn't alone and my brother and his wife get lots of free help with their daughter. Everyone gets along great - they had a great time on vacation in Italy for a few weeks before my wedding.
I know that this isn't always the case, but I just don't think it is the most horrible thing in the world, or even the only way to "act like an adult." In lots of cultures it's normal to have 2 generations of adults in the same house.
My husband recently got laid off, and if we have to, we are going to move in with his parents. He owns an apartment in Manhattan and while we could make it there on my salary alone, it would be very tight and unstable (layoffs come randomly and unexpectedly in my field). Plus, we want to be able to move anywhere ASAP when he finds his job and then we would need to find new tenants, which could cost a few months' worth of mortgage payments. For us it is more important to keep his assets as long as possible than it is to be proud and refuse to accept help in order to "act like an adult."
Of course, I'll be gone most of the day, so he will have to deal with them way more than I will have to :-) Plus, we will always have the option of kicking out the tenant and living in his apartment, so it makes me less anxious about moving in with them.
I'd be selling plasma and blow jobs before I moved back in with the parents. You have choices, just not particularly palatable ones. Get the smallest, cheapest, crappiest apartment you can find, get yourself a couple of sucky little jobs and get to work. Your dh can also get a second job.
I have moved back in with my parents a few times during bad situations in my life but ive always found the strength and will to move back out as soon as i got back on my feet. Im so thankful for my parents and I cant imagine what id do without them. There always there when I need them. It sounds like they will understand and this will give you both time to focus all your energy on obtaining good jobs not just any old job that comes along (like alot of us have to do to get by in these times). Why are you worried you may not move back out? That dosent make sense to me. Good luck and make sure your husband thanks your parents for the oppurtunity to better your lives and offers to help pay utilities (even if it is minimal).