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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
lying about separation date for divorce
So we've been separated three months (since summer) with plans to divorce next summer. Our state law requires one year sep before divorce since we have children.
StbX said we could just fudge the date and claim that we have been sep since Jan to speed things up.
Apart from lying (which may be under oath... if in front of a judge) I'm thinking this could somehow backfire.
I'd love to speed it up but lying doesn't seem right to me - is this a common practice?
Re: lying about separation date for divorce
I would not lie.
Even if "everyone else does it," you just have to decide if honesty is one of your core values. How are you going to explain to your kids that "lying isn't ok....except when you want to speed up your divorce...." How are you going to explain to a future partner that you don't lie...."except (under oath) because we both really wanted that divorce."
I'm wondering why you need to speed things up. If you already have a separation plan, what do you gain from the paperwork being signed? It seems to me that if you are considering lying b/c your stbx says its ok, you're really not that separated from him emotionally.
My state doesn't have any requirements like that - BUT, we were seperated a year before the papers finally went in. I suspect our date was incorrect on our divorce paperwork .. I just remember the "about" time - so xh picked a date. (He remembered it the same way as I did.) Ours was at least in the month we know it happened.
Is there any evidance that states you two were seperated when you were? Do you have to prove that you are living apart or what qualifies in your state as "seperated" ? Our asked if we were still living together, no .. but if we had been it did ask why.
I think its to do with refinancing our house to take my name off of the mortgage. I haven't yet met with my lawyer so I'm not really sure. I do know that I can't buy my new house, with help from my mom, until I've divorced as I don't want that to be a marital assets. I just know it doesn't sit right with me to lie (even if perjury isn't involved. Its wrong and in this case it also requires trusting or "being in on it" with StbX which I'm not really comfortable with either)
I not only had to swear before a judge, but have a witness to tell how he knew we separated and make sure we didnt have sex for that year.
dont lie.
I wonder how it benefits him to speed it up...something seems fishy
and you could buy a new house before the divorce is final...just have a separation agreement signed ...your lawyer can provide guidance.
I would see a lawyer ASAP
I think it is very important to keep to the truth, especially in the court system. Don't lie.
I agree. There would be no reason to speed things up unless he wanted to remarry. Why not just wait the required time.
I was thinking the same thing. I think that you are just giving him the upper hand because you are afraid to leave. You can buy a house, move out and start the separation. Why are you waiting for him to be able to refinance? Unless you need that money to purchase your own house.
or he won the lottery and doesn't want to share it.
This.
Lying is a bad choice.
Talk to a lawyer and get a separation agreement if you want to purchase property, but really - - is six months going to change your life / financial situation THAT dramatically? Interest rates are not going to jack up sky high, and neither are housing prices.