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Let it go or say something about wedding....
So I'm sure everyone had little things that went wrong during their wedding. If there were people responsible for these things would you say something or just let it go?? Please tell me if I am over reacting....... Part of me just wants to let it go but I am still 2 months later really upset...
1.) My sisters refused to come to the salon with the rest of the bridesmaids because she said it was too expensive (It was $60, which if you don't have money could be expensive so I understand that).
I was fine with this but they went to their friend to get their hair done and then were late to help me get ready at our parents house. I was actually trying to get into my huge dress by myself and almost in tears, when thankfully my mom called my sister in law who rushed over and helped. I was really hurt by this but didn't say anything at the time because we were already late and I knew I would start to cry and that wouldn't help anything. Even now 2 months later I want to cry thinking about it. They left for the salon at 6 am and were not back until 12:30 (we were suppost to be AT the church at 1:00 which was 20 mins away) and when I asked what took so long, they were like "Oh you know so and so they are sooooo chatty....."
They were both good about throwing me a bachelorette party with a limo and everything. However, last time I was home my sister sat me down and said "Ok now that the wedding is over, I can tell you this....." and then told me how unprofessional the limo company was and how expensive everything was and made me feel really bad even though I never asked for a limo at all.
I thought I was just upset about hurtful things she would say and do because I was stressed about the wedding and I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be a "bridezilla". But even now it still makes me mad and I don;t know if I should say something or not. She did spend a lot of money on the bachelorrette party and stuff so maybe I should just be thankful for that. I know other people noticed how she was acting because my mother mentioned something about it to me.........What do you think am I over reacting???
Re: Let it go or say something about wedding....
It's too late to say anything now. Let it go.
Next time your sister does something that bothers you, tell her about it at the time. Stop her in the moment. Don't bring up past issues, but say something like, "Sister, why would you tell me this?" and explain how it makes you feel.
Let it all go.
It's not worth telling the sisters that you're pissed that they didn't help you put on your clothes. What is that going to accomplish besides starting a fight? Are you expecting an apology? And from your post it seems like you're the type to get even more upset if you confront them on this and they see nothing wrong with their actions, right? And there really isn't anything wrong with it ... you wound up getting your dress on, right? All's well that ends well. Chill out about the dress. You were worked up because it was your wedding, someone stepped in to help you, the problem was solved.
Your main problem seems to be that your family has no qualms about telling you things that you don't need to hear at the moment, and that you don't know how to stop them from doing so. There was ZERO need for your sister to sit you down and complain about the limo to you, and there was ZERO need for your mother to tattletale to you about your sister's attitude. Seriously, why the hell did they think you needed to know either of those things, especially after the fact?
It's sucky that they just can't keep their big mouths shut, but you need to realize that you can't control other people's actions. You can only control your own reactions. So, if a situation like this comes up again, you need to learn how to cut your mom/sisters off and politely but firmly say, "I really don't need to know what happened. Let's not get into this discussion now" and then change the subject. If they won't shut up, say it again more forcefully (but still in a calm, low voice: "Really. I am not interested in hearing about this. Please drop it."), and then hang up the phone or walk away if they still will not knock it off.
Let it go.
Issue 1 - I need to see a picture of this dress to understand why your mom couldn't have just helped you and why it was so dire that you needed your sisters.
Does it suck that they weren't there to hang out w/ you? Sure. I can see being upset about that. But really- what's done is done. Bringing this up now isn't going to make anything better.
Think about it - you're upset w/ your sister for telling you about the limo company, which is something that you had nothing to do with and (more importantly) can't do anything about now that it's in the past. Right? So - what do you think telling them how upset you were about the salon issue is really going to do?
As for the limo thing... is that issue 2? And what is it that you want to tell your sister? I"m actually a little confused about this one.
She brought up an issue to you that had nothing to do with you and you could do nothing about. So... you want to bring it up to her that she brought up a non-issue w/ you, which she can now do nothing about????
In the grand scheme of things, these are 2 pretty minor issues to be holding onto 2 months later. How were your sisters at the wedding, and teh reception? Did you have fun at the wedding? Are you married? Did you have fun w/ your DH, and were your guests happy and were you happy to see them?
Focus on the bigger, more important stuff.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Very good point. You'd be a giant hypocrite if you told your sisters after the fact that you are disappointed about all these things that don't really matter in the long run, and that they can't change now that it's all in the past.
Sounds like the four of you have issues with beating a dead horse.
Let it go, she probably hasn't given it a second though and most likely has her own problems. I will say you seem to let things fester instead of dealing with them when they pop up.
Telling you the limo company was unprofessional isn't a bad thing, as I would want to know if in the future I had need of their services. Complaining how expensive it was well is just too late, not like you planned it. They did get to the church on time, just not in time to help you. Did you tell them you needed help?
You are not over reacting, but it is a life lesson. Deal with them when they brings stuff up, tell your Mother you don't want to hear it, and focus on the good things about the wedding. Don't let these things be the memories of your wedding day. That would be a shame.
Another good point. Why couldn't your mother just have helped you instead of calling your SIL to rush over? Is she elderly or sick or something and can't move around much? (I promise you that I don't mean that in an insulting or sarcastic tone, it's a genuine question.) Did you have a makeup artist or hairstylist who could've helped you, or even the photographer?
Did you tell your sisters beforehand that you needed help getting dressed, and that you would put on the dress at x o'clock? Is this a case of them blowing off a plan or you just expecting them to read your mind?
And, yeah, how intricate was this dress that it required so much help?
The things you are upset about are not that big a deal. No wedding will be perfect, and no bride gets 100% of what she wants on her wedding day. Dwelling over who got their hair done where and being angry and upset over it only overshadows the main point and the best part of the day; you got married to the person you love. You need to refocus your priorities.
And I'll note that there was a physical altercation and a verbal altercation at our wedding; not ideal but certainly not something that made me cry or makes me cry. Its actually pretty funny in retrospect and we still joke about it.
And to play devil's advocate if it was that important that you all get ready together why didn't you pay for her hair or choose to get your hair done elsewhere?
were you late to the church? no.
did you get dressed just fine? yes.
it's their option to have their hair done where they please-and how much it costs has nothing to do with it. it's also up to you to dress yourself. i mean i understand you'd be upset if they said they'd be there to help you-but not enough to say anything 2 months later. it's water under the bridge.
remember this-your wedding is only most important to you.
I don't think this is really about being late for the dress. I think its about something completely different and you are zoning in on the dress thing because its real and tangilbe and less scary to talk about than the REAL thing that's got you so upset.
I think you hinted at it at the very end:
If you get honest and pinpoint what's really bothering you, then you'll have a chance at having an honest conversation and reconsiliation with your sister. If you insist on focusing on something so small, something that will never re-occur, then you'll loose a real opportunity to feel better.
Amen to that. I just dont get brides that get upset over all these stupid details. As long as the bride and groom show up, say their vows and enjoy each other ~ that's all that is actually important here yet many brides seem to forget that.
Let it go. You are acting very immature by being so upset over such petty things and holding on to it for so long. Especially after your sister hosted what sounded like a nice bachelorette party, which she really isnt obligated to do. Who cares if she was upset with something to do with the limo and told you about it. What really matters is that she made an effort to do something nice and was there for you. Really, there are far worse things in life that people endure than a couple complaints and a late bridesmaid/moh.
Wow! Ok I guess this came out way meaner than I wanted it to. I guess I just needed to vent. I know that a lot of brides go through a lot worse and I really didn't mean to imply otherwise.
I really didn't mean to get people fired up and I'm sorry if I did.
I changed my name
I can kind of see where you are coming from, although I think you are making a bigger deal out of this then it needs to be. I was a bridesmaid several times and everytime, I spent the whole day with the bride. Getting our hair done together, lunch, getting ready at the church, etc. I always though it was part of the fun, and enjoyed the girl time, not to mention helping to make the day fun for the bride.
When my wedding day came around, I planned it the same way. Except all of my bridesmaids showed up, got their hair done, then all had excuses why they had to leave and would get ready at home and meet me at the venue. By the time I got my hair done, I was alone in the shop because everyone had left. Was I bummed? Of course! I felt like everyone ditched me, and I was sad I wasn't getting the same support and experience with my bridesmaids. But at the same time, it helped to focus on what the day was really about. I was starting my life with the man I loved, and this just wasn't a big deal in comparison. In the end, the day turned out beautifully and it really just didn't matter.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is try to let it go. It's been two months and it's really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. If these are the only bumps in the day, I'm guessing you had a really awesome wedding. Just try to focus on the positives of that.
Agreed. People are just trying to give you some perspective. You and your DH are married, right? The the day was a success. Start putting your energy into the rest of your life instead of holding on to minor disappointments. Life is far to short to waste energy stressing about things that really don't matter or affect anything in the big picture of your life.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Let it go, for your sake.
I could just hug you after reading your email. I had similar issue. I kind of felt like constantly torn between trying to be organized, get everything done, stay on schedule AND not being bridezilla. In retrospect, I would have hired an organizer (not that I could have afforded this) to be the bad guy because any time I tried to speak up, I got called bridezilla. One bridesmaid actually went so far as to confront me after the wedding and said I was a beotch on my wedding day. So even though I was letting things go, she wasn't.
Some of things I dealt with are my SIL refusing to let the flower girls go down the aisle by themselves (literally picked up her 3 year old and screamed "she can't do it can't you see she can't do it"), after my limo driver missed the turn in the parking lot, I told him to make the next turn (still into campus, it's where I went to school). One bridesmaid said "Jenn, shut up, we have this handled" and told the limo driver to go straight. As I begged and pleaded for someone to listen to me, my SIL kept saying "okay Jenn, okay Jenn shhhhhh" and putting her pointer finger up at me. We ended up 18 minutes late and didn't get the group shot I wanted after the ceremony. My dog died the next morning and he was violently ill the day before...at one point I went to go help him as he threw up and I asked one other BM to throw away my lunch because the other dog went to go eat it (I threw it down)...so I got "whatever Bridezilla, I'll throw away your trash". The groomsmen were supposed to be at the church for pictures at 2:30. At 3:00 one of them was at my house picking up his wife's purse. I screamed "what are you doing here" and everyone was like "whoa, calm down" Because of this, no groomsmen photos before wedding.
People will say 100 times it's your special day but really I felt like I was set up to be a bridezilla. It's way to hard to be the organizer and be the calm, cordial bride everyone wants you to be. I didn't think for a second I had free reign to treat anyone like crap, and you would think your close friends would be at least forgiving of your situation.
5 years later, I don't hear the negative things from BM anymore and have even gotten squeaky apologies from some....and I've learned to let things go, again for my sake, because it wasn't nice to think of your wedding and cry.
Still a big F U to all the punk Azz bridesmaids of the world
How are you going to deal with the REAL problems in life?
I need to ask you a question:
You know what your sister is like. Are you really SURPRISED your sister acted the way she did? That she did what SHE wanted to do, was late, complained about the batchelorette limo when it had nothing to do with you? I see a lot of passive-aggression in her actions.
If you are not surprised, then I would let it go. You won't change her, she won't slap her forehead and say "wow! you know, I really SHOULD have just acted like it was the bride's day; I really SHOULD NOT have bothered my sister about a limo that she had no control over, oh sis, I AM SOOOOOO SORRY!!!"
Not the same thing, but BIL was dh's best man, and didn't do anything for dh - no batchelor party, didn't want to do a toast (his wife eventually told him he had to). DH's feeling was: "I asked him b/c he is my brother; if a batchelor party was that important to me, I should/would have asked someone else."
Was this something you required of your bridal party? Because if it was, you should have paid for it. The only thing the BMs are responsible for is buying the dress and showing up to the wedding on time, clean, and sober. It sounds like they did that. Anything else like matching shoes, matching jewelry, required hair and makeup is on you.
Yeah, you should. Especially since she wasn't required to do that either.
Honestly, you need to be grateful for what you did get and just move on with your life already.
Let it all go.
Agree, let it go.
Let it go.
1) You could have avoided the salon situation by offering to pay for their appointments. This is a nice courtesy for any bride who wishes to dictate a salon do for her girls.
Your mom and SIL got you dressed in time, your sisters turned up well before the time for the drive to the church, so why the drama?
2) IMHO, the limo thing was probably more of a warning that you shouldn't hire this company/driver should you ever be in the position to need a limo.
Move on.
This. For the love of god, let it go.