Starting Over
dmndsr4eva
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
If your ex cheated or dumped you did you ever forgive him?
As it stands now I will never forgive my ex. But I know somewhere deep inside that forgiving him would be good for my healing...But I just don't think I can do it. Maybe someday.
"How often does the other woman get a happy ending?" Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl
Re: If your ex cheated or dumped you did you ever forgive him?
I remember past relationships and it took me a long time to forgive. Counseling has helped me with this since I was able to forgive with a renewed way of thinking of things.
As for my stbxh, I had already forgiven him early on. He abandoned himself and not me by not being true to himself. I have also been through things that were far worse and survived, because of this, it made forgiving easier this time around.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I wouldn't say I forgave my XH for basically leaving me for the OW (who he is still with), but I know I'm over it because I basically laugh at the idea of him being in a relationship. There were things early on they led me to ultimately believe he can't ever be faithful. I guess I should've listened a little harder to the story about his XG who keyed his truck because she thought he was cheating on him...ha!
You need to remind yourself that your X isn't a good person. You don't want to be with someone who isn't a good person. He's a liar and a cheat. Why on earth would you want that?
I came across this quote a while back and thought it might help you...
Stbxh dumped me. I don't think about forgiving him but I see it as a blessing in disguise sort of thing. He is an assshole and someone you can't trust. I try to see the positive side. I deserve someone much better and this is a second chance. Sure, I didn't have a choice but this chance is in front of me and I am not lettting it go. My life is already much better and it's just the beginning. And Karma is already working on stbxh. He showed his douchery on his best friend and said friend is now seeing stbxh differently. And it's just the beginning.
For some people I will never forgive. But over time, I don't hate them. I am indifferent and couldn't care less about them.
I won't get overly cheesy or anything, but I really like the way Oprah would talk about forgiveness on her show. I really believe in her stance that you forgive for yourself, not for the other person -- the day I forgave my ex was a really significant day for me, I felt free of him and the burden of carrying around all of that anger and sorrow I'd been toting around for a year and a half. A Oprah favorite quote: Forgiveness means giving up hope the past could have been any different.
IMO, the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. I think the goal is to get to a place where it really doesn't matter anymore, and you realize that, given the person you were dealing with, the outcome could not have been different.
I think as long as you are angry, you'll allowing that person to live inside your head. You're much better off when they don't matter to you and you don't think about how you were betrayed.
I like that Oprah quote, too!
I also liked some other sayings. That holding a grudge was like allowing someone to live rent-free in your head.
And the story she told about an associate from Baltimore who betrayed her. Oprah was so angry, she wasn't speaking to the woman. Then Oprah went to a department store and saw the woman trying on makeup, and Oprah thought "how can that woman try on makeup like nothing is wrong, when I am so angry with her?" and it hit her.....the anger was hurting Oprah, but that woman was living her life as if nothing happened.
Yes and no.
XH and I had a long heart to heart about what went wrong in our marraige and how we felt of it. I told him I can forgive, but never forget. I won't forget the feelings and the emotions but I can't hold that anger going forward.
He cheated AND dumped me. I don't know that I'll ever "forgive" what he did, but I'm trying to move past the anger pretty quickly. He's a toxic person, always has been, and always will be. I am better off not being with someone as selfish as he is.
He is choosing to live across the country from our kids as well. I can't forgive that, and when they get older, I doubt they will either. I just hope they realize one day that they're better off without his negative influence in their lives. I don't want to raise selfish children who lack compassion and consideration for others, and that's exactly what they'd be if he raised them. I have more anger over his emotional abandonment of the kids than I do about any of the other stuff. He was a very active dad before, and now is just disappearing (except for flying back here once every month or two to see them). He also chooses to write letters to our 5 year old rather than call to talk to him on the phone, which I think is shiitty since the 5 year old doesn't care about the letters. I am having trouble getting past that as well.