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Rough weekend
Got home from the wedding in AZ last night--it was the first wedding I've gone to since the divorce. I was surprisingly fine during the ceremony and cocktail hour. I was having a great time dancing with friends during the reception and even made it through the humiliation of the emcee calling me out, by name, over the mic for the bouquet toss. Yes, the bride actually had him call me no less than 3x time to come up for the bouquet toss--I was sitting by myself at the table at the time because the emotional weight started to take it's toll. I know it was meant in good faith but I wanted to die.
After that I got some fro yo and went to the hookah bar that was set up (it was one of those ridiculously expensive weddings). There weren't any seats so a cute guy offered me his knee to sit on and I took a seat. Turns out he had a girlfriend and she flipped out (understandably so) and then my friend starting giving me crap about how I can't go around sitting on guy's laps who have girlfriends--um, thanks for that. Obviously if I knew he had a girlfriend I wouldn't have sat on his knee but the dude wouldn't move off the couch so I took a seat. I started bawling and couldn't stop.
My friends were terribly unsupportive and I ended up bawling on the phone to DILF at 4:30am EST. He has turned out to be the sweetest man and I'm very happy that I have made a friend like him. My emotional breakdown coupled with my friends actions have made me question going to another wedding in 2 weeks--it's the same group of friends. I just don't think I can handle it right now...
Re: Rough weekend
I RSVP'd yes just for myself. I wasn't invited with a date but it's a destination wedding so it would be impossible to bring someone even if I wanted to.
Ugh I am sorry! I got called out over the mike for the bouquet toss at my BFF's wedding but I didn't care. I mostly didn't want to catch it!
Weddings can definitely be hard. I honestly probably would reconsider going to the next wedding (especially since it's a destination wedding). Seems like you'd be able to gracefully bow out I would think.
Sorry bout the weekend Mint. Your friends sound like they are being a bit naive to your feelings right now. Here is the great news....it is in the past!!
As for the wedding in 2 weeks...if it is a couple that will really appreciate you attending then I would go and support them. Just relax and shift the focus from yourself and focus on why you are there.
Honestly I don't think the bride or any of my friends would be understanding about it. If I decide not to go, it's going to be because I'm "sick". I will give her some notice though because I know that they don't have to give their final count until the day or 2 before. I know it's a jerk move though...I wish I had never agreed to go. At the time I didn't realize that I will be the only one of my friends who isn't a BM so I will be alone all day...and since she's doing a BM table, I will be sitting with strangers at the wedding
Sorry that it was a rough one! I know you had some apprehension about it.
Have you talked to your friends since then? It sounds like you really need to talk with them about what happened. And honestly, I am not sure I would cancel the upcoming wedding plans. I know you feel crappy now but you might regret it down the road, especially if it is a close friend.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Ditto to all of this
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Sounds like your friends have their heads in the sand about what kind of man this guy is. They don't want him to be a doucheface, so they blame you. My guess is this girlfriend will continue dating him, everyone will ignore his asstastic behavior, and one day GF will come home to find him doing it on the couch with someone else. Aren't you glad that's not you?
Yeah, the worst part is that it's not even a friend of ours! My friend had pointed her out earlier in the night and said how she doesn't like her, so it's not like they're friends with her BF or anything. For the record, my friend pointed out the girl, not the BF, I really had no idea who he was.
Yes, and actually, they sound like they are rude, immature, and not very thoughtful.
Not sure I'd break my back to support one of these "friends" at a wedding that is probably expensive to attend (if it's destination) and sounds like will make you uncomfortable.
Thank you for validating my thoughts exactly. I wasn't looking for someone to babysit me all night and hold my hand, but a hug from someone when I was hysterically crying would have be nice.
The friend whose wedding I'm going to isn't a close friend anymore--I only invited her to my wedding because she was a college roomate and it would have been rude not to since I invited the rest of the group. I haven't talked to her since my wedding. I know I'm only invited to her wedding to recriprocate. The only reason I'm decided to go was to see my "friends" who have proved not to be such great ones anyway.
I am sorry it didn't go well.
My own personal opinion on these things is that if a close friend or relative invites me to a wedding I just suck it up and go, unless it is impossible logistcally. In the end I have fun about 75% of the time, so odds are usually in my favor.
I am so sorry you had a rough time. I'd be hurt too, mostly at the insenstiveness of your friends. You have every right to feel emotional at the wedding but you deserved support.
The good thing, this is all in the past now. I just don't plainly trust guys, even the ones that seems really nice.
I'm really sorry. It sounds like your friends don't know how to handle the situation and can't be sympathetic to what you're feeling. Maybe that's because of where they are in their lives, or they're just being willfully, ignorant, who knows. But you don't have to be friends with them just because you have in the past. And if you didn't have fun and would only be going to see them, I'd skip this wedding.
Are they people you want to be friends with long term? Are they maybe in a wedding obsession phase that is blocking their ability to have empathy for you? Is the wedding obsession something they will snap out of?
In my mind, the fact that you can't say to them, "I'm really happy for you, but this is still hard for me in a way and I hope you can understand that" means they're not true friends worth keeping, but that's obviously your decision.
I agree with this. They should be more understanding of your feelings. I haven't braved a wedding yet since my divorce, but I can only imagine that it could be a little tough. I would say it might be a good idea to be "sick" and take care of yourself.
Thanks ladies, you've made me feel like less of a jerk for wanting to bail. I'm leaning towards an "ear infection" because then they can't fault me for not flying. DILF (need to find a new nickname for him) said he'd plan a nice weekend for me if I decide not to go so at least I don't feel like I missed out on some fun.
I'm happy I have new supportive friends in my life. While I'm not cutting these old friends out, I'm not going to put forth the effort I have given anymore.
I would just congratulate them and say due to private matters that you have to politely decline. I don't think you owe them to explain anything more than that and it is truthful. I wouldn't want your "white lie" to backfire on you later in case someone asked why you didn't go in the future.
1. You need some new friends
2. I hope your "friend" who had the DJ call out your name three times gets an STD. A really itchy one, with weeping discharge and stuff. That is tres shiittay.
FlavaFlav's in everything ya eat,
'cause everything ya eat got flava!