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Healing vent - Autopilot?
?is how I had been living my life for so long!
This separation had forced me to open my eyes and make my own life happen. It has been very uncomfortable putting myself out there to meet new people, join volunteer activities and making everything happen for my son so he can have a good life. For an example, I wanted my son to enjoy Halloween so I sewed him a costume and took him to a church Halloween event yesterday. I?ve never been to this church before and did not know anyone there. A lot of people were nice and I enjoyed seeing their little ones in costume as well. I was totally out of my comfort zone but the end result was a good one and my son was all smiles and laughing.
I am so glad I am on a better path and have hope for a better future. Don?t get me wrong, I am still sad that my stbxh dislikes me so much and my heart still hurts. But I am now aware that it is okay that my heart should hurt because he did hurt it but at the same time I know it is not okay for him to continue doing that and my heart will heal. I am hanging on to this quote "When someone does not love you and if they choose to walk away, then it is a gift."
One day at a time, though sometimes I wish I could be in a time machine and move fast forward to a totally healthier me but it going through this process is a requirement, I call it growing pains.
At the same time, someone prayed for my deafness and that I would become hearing again (I did give the side eye on this one). One of the reason my stbxh is leaving me is because he can no longer tolerate my deafness. I know it is about them, not me and nothing is wrong with me. I know I deserve to be loved and accepted for who I am and that is what I am looking for. I will accept no less than that. I never want to be the person I used to be.
Thanks for letting me vent, healing is hard but sharing my baby steps and progress is helping me.
Re: Healing vent - Autopilot?
I'm glad to hear you're doing better by realizing how things are. Good for you for getting out there. I know it can be hard to put yourself out there and you should be proud that you're getting out. You're a great mom for doing that for your son
It's terrible that your STBXH didn't accept you for who you are--if you don't mind my asking, were you always deaf or is this something that developed in recent years? You deserve to have a fulfilling life with someone who will love you no matter what.
I was born deaf. My stbxh is without excuse as he knew I was deaf when he proposed to me.
I'm so sorry. He sounds like a grade A douchebag and you deserve much better. ((hugs))
DI-TTO.
Glad you're feeling better about it though, OP!