Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Future SIL from HELL!! =(
I have a great man in my life that has a great family! Couldn't ask for better in-laws, EXCEPT for his little sister! She is so use to being the center of attention, and have everyone jumping when she says to! I bit my tongue long enough about her and finally spoke up to my fiance about how I didn't like her only calling him when she had a bad day or to cry about something she's overdramatic about. Or how he would run everytime she needed the stupidest thing. He finally is telling her no, or that he's tired of hearing all her problems and her never asking how his day was or howhes doing. So now she says he's mean, and that their mom didn't raise him to be that way. Trying to make him feel guilty. Well when he proposed to me, I asked both her and my fiance's other sister (who I like) to be my bridesmaids. I told his little sister, she had to be on time (which she never runs on time!!) and attend things for the wedding. She said ok. Well she kept stiffing me on plans to where we had this big falling out and she pretty much tried to throw a 5 yr old fit and say, I just won't stand in ya'lls wedding which I said fine. Well my fiance was the one that said she was no longer in our wedding. So time passed and she went to the extent of asking her dad to talk to me so she could be back in it. I said no. Then she cried to her sister about how mean I was to not let her be in it. Then she tried to act like she didn't know she wasn't in the wedding anymore and had the nerve to ask me why wasn't she told about the day to try on thee bridesmaid dresses. Which led to anpther fight! So she threw the F bombs left and right at me and I told her I don't appreciate you talking to me like that when I'm not talking to you like that. Now she's crying to everyone saying I'm mean for not letting her stand in her brothers most important day of his life. And what if she died tomorrow, he would feel horrible for him
Re: Future SIL from HELL!! =(
Let me get this straight.
You knew what she was like when you asked her to be in your wedding -- even though you admit don't really like her -- and then you got upset when she *gasp* behaved the way she's always behaved? Then your FI kicked her out of the wedding party because she wasn't devoting enough of her life to somebody else's pretty princess day?
Yeah, she's not the one coming from hell here, pumpkin.
This really comes down to you, do you care? This is your wedding, your decision, but kicking her out of it knowing how her family is with her will probably cause some issues with some of his family. Is it more important to you to get along with everyone and have them accept you, or to take a stand and be the one who doesn't cater to her? No matter what your decision someone is going to be unhappy at some point unless the two of you work this out. She sounds like a child, how old is she? Just remember that you are marrying into the family, she IS the family, they will side with her, right or wrong, so just remember to pick your battles. Good Luck
You should've just kept your mouth shut and let your FI deal with her ... which he appeared to be doing just fine before you butted you way into a situation that really had nothing to do with you.
Don't make other people's problems you own problems. And then ESPECIALLY don't complain about it once you make it a point to get yourself involved.
What kind of things was she "stiffing" you on for your wedding? You know it's rude to insist your bridesmaids attend pre-wedding events, right? You sound like a Bridezilla.
Why do you care about her complaining to your husband all the time? That's his relationship with her and his business. You shouldn't have gotten involved.
I'm judging you for getting in the way of a relationship that was working for them. Why do you care if she calls him to talk all about herself when he doesn't care?
I'm also judging you for your BM standards. I asked my BMs to buy a dress and be at my wedding, period.
She's family and you are creating huge drama and trying to blame it on her. A real adult would understand that she is young and immature, but allow her to be in the wedding on terms she can meet. This is not high school, why are you making this so difficult and dramatic?
I also have to question the intelligence behind asking someone you don't like and who is apparently never on time and has no interest in attending pre-wedding events to be your bridesmaid ... and then, you know, getting pissy when she's still unlikeable, can't be on time and doesn't want to attend your pre-wedding events.
You really set her up for failure here, not to mention that you're completely out of line by lecturing her on timeliness and demanding that she attend pre-wedding events. And that whole bit about riding your FI's ass about how he interacts with her.
I can see why she's not fond of you.
Wow, I can't believe some of these responses. I wouldn't hold my tongue if I felt that my dh's sibling was a user who only called when they wanted something. I would tell him how I felt. He would still have that choice to keep the same relationship, but I doubt that realtionship was really "working," for the brother.
If your FI kicked her out of the wedding, then let him deal with her. If he wants her back in, tell him she has to stand on his side - she can dress like a bm, but maybe she would be happer being a "grooms-attendant" (you might do the same with other FSIL). If you have a bother in the wedding party, he can be on your side.
I would have your FI/H deal with her at all times.
I'm gonna have to disagree with about 90% of the people replying here. I think she sounds like an immature, irresponsible brat. Who above the age of 14 accuses others of being "mean" anyway? She knew what the expectations were, agreed and didn't follow through. She deserves to no longer be a member of the bridal party. You and your fiance don't need her drama taking over your wedding, and if she cared about her brother at all, she'd drop the foolishness and STFU. Having pre-wedding events doesn't make you a 'zilla. Drawing the line doesn't make you selfish or "a princess". It makes you an adult with boundaries.
Go on with your wedding, being civil and kind to her whenever you can. You can be the bigger person without going against what you believe is right.
This. The 90% of comments that I also don't agree with are just awful. I just got married and I asked both of my SIL to be in my wedding. They were quite civil and nice though....but one of them is now acting how yours is acting. I am just ignoring her and letting her throw her little fits and such...
Just wondering how it's rude to insit they come to the pre-wedding events? Isn't that the reason they are in the wedding party. Not saying all events are manditory but I do think that if someone is asked to be in a wedding they need to attend a majority of the pre-wedding events.
Also have to say that she is a brat and if my SIL complained all the time to DH I would for sure be telling him to cut her off. He was only feeding into her complaining and once people say no more they she will finaly realize it's annoying and not the right way to behave.
I am sorry but I think both parties are at fault here.
She does sound a little immature and I understand where she can come across annoying but at the same time she is his sister.
You shouldn't be complaining to your FI that she calls to much and that she she can't call him to complain. That is her brother and her blood and they obviously had a close relationship before you came along. It is not right for you to try to ruin that.
Also she is his sister and should be allowed back in the wedding party. For years to come the memories and pictures from you wedding will be there and it would be a shame to have her left out of them. You will cause long term issues that might never get resovled. Be the bigger person here. It will make your life easier.
I personally don't think you're in the wrong for the most part.
I understand you getting mad at your fiance for helping her every time there's a problem. Sometimes my fiance does things that bother me too, and I sometimes hold in how I feel about those things, and I eventually just burst. It sounds like you just held in your feelings too long, and you were just telling him that how your SIL treats him bothers you. Maybe just the fact that you brought up what she does made him think about how it wasn't really fair to him, and that's why he started to say no to her. But if you actually told him to not help his sister with her problems, I am going to say that isn't right to do, because that's a relationship between him and his sister only. But how I read your post, it doesn't sound like you were telling him what to do, and that he made the decision by himself.
I am also going to say that your SIL does sound very immature. How you described her reminds me of a teenager (which if she is, maybe try and talk to her about how her behavior made you feel?) But if she's an adult, that is a bit old to be throwing fits and calling people "mean" to everyone.
I also don't think you were acting immature. It also sounds like you were actually doing the mature thing and giving your SIL a chance by letting her be in the wedding party. And she was the one that decided to say that she wouldn't stand in the wedding, and you were fine with her decision. And from how I read your post, it sounds like your fiance was the first to make the decision to keep her out of the wedding.
My advice is to just not pay attention to her tantrums. I didn't see you say anything about the rest of the family getting mad at you, so perhaps they know how she acts and are ignoring her too? And the wedding is for you and your fiance, so if you both decide that you don't want her in the wedding party, then go ahead and keep telling her that she isn't in the wedding party any longer. It's alright to say "no".
I hope I helped.
I agree!