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I cant stop crying
I have good days and I have bad days and today is a bad day. I'm looking for a new place to live and getting priced out of everything -the one place I could afford just went under offer this week 
Divorce sucks
I looked at Eharmony a while ago because it was the site my StbX joined "just for fun" when i was pg with our 2nd son and I wanted to see what he drawn to. On the first page it asks are you 1) never married, 2) divorced, 3) widowed.
I cant stop wonder which option he picked. Did he deny I existed (and our kids), did he wish he was divorced? did he opt for widowed a la Scott Peterson!!?
It breaks my heart
Then just now I'm looking at old old emails that I saved and I found one from him
"My head and my heart are swimming in thoughts of you. Just thought you'd like to know 
See you in the morning little monkey"
I cant recognize that person anymore.
Why? Why? Why did this happen? Why did he have to stop loving me? why did he have to cheat? why did he through me away? I am a good person. I would have loved him forever.
When does this emotional pain go away? I found out four months ago, and I feel like it's getting worse sometimes.
Re: I cant stop crying
These are answers you'll never have. In some ways it's better, because the answers lead to more questions. In other ways not having an answer eats you up.
We all have days where everything makes us cry, divorce rocks your world.It will get better. One year ago I separated from my husband, I'm so much happier now (except for the whole lay off thing). Looking back I remember how hopeless I felt and now I'm like it's okay, look what I did. it was tough but it was worth it.
This. Take each day as it comes. Know that you're going to have horrible days, but in time they come further and further apart...and then suddenly you realize that you have forgotten when the last bad day was. It takes time and you need to allow yourself to feel every single thing that comes your way. Be gentle to yourself and do whatever you need to do to take care of you.
Not sure if you're a country person or not, but Sara Evans song "Stronger" really helped me in the early stages. It made me cry everytime I heard it, but I knew that I was getting stronger as well.
Why did this happen? Because he sucks. He made the choice. It was NOT YOUR FAULT. NOT. YOUR. FAULT.
Why did he have to cheat? He didn't have to. He chose to. HE made that choice. You did not cause it. You didn't do anything to drive him to it. His rat bastard choice. Because. he. sucks.
The pain will dissipate. I promise. But I'm not going to lie to you, it will suck for a while. You will hurt, as you have every right to. It's the sucky part of the process you must go through to heal.
But it will get better. Maybe not today, maybe not next week, but one day you will wake up and it won't be a struggle to get through that day. Or the next one.
I was going to suggest this song as well - it's like the anthem to breaking up, if there had to be one. lol. I can listen to this song now and not cry, but it does remind me of where I have been.
It's a terrible terrible time, where you are at right now. Don't force the finding other guys right now. As hard as it may be, try to not think about what did he say to others or do (on eharmony) sometimes not knowing is better. At some point, you will just get upset about it all and be okay with it - knowing you are better off without his games. No man that makes you cry is worth your time. Tears of joy is a different thing.
I couldn't look at old cards or emails from my xh at 4months into seperation. For that matter, we tried seperating our things within the first 6 months and it was too much - I lost it and just started crying with him in the room... Thankfully he was (and still is) caring enough of my emotions that he just said "we need to stop - it's too hard right now." and he started crying too. It was a year after seperation that we could go through it all and not cry but be okay with it.
Point being, it takes time - don't force it. You will have good days, bad days, great days and terrible days. Crying is okay and natural. Even knowing the divorce is for the better doesn't make it any easier, it's still crappy. I didn't untag either of us in wedding photos on facebook until just a few weeks ago. They are still up though. It's who I am and is my past. Yup, I'm divroced. So be it, doesn't mean I failed - just the marriage wasn't right for us. (I did, however, change the title of the album, and removed sappy comments to him on there.)
I can only tell you what my experience was. I had a lot of issues to deal with, even outside of him being a pedophile. He was also having legal affairs and I had to deal with this issue separately. I seriously came home form work and found out my marraige was over and my husband was a disgusting criminal, no warning.
I was in a fog for a while. Thank goodness I got into counseling the week this all happened. I kept telling myself to move forward. Each day I would get in the shower and cry. I tried to get everything out and let the negative feelings wash down the drain.
Take things one day/hour/minute at a time. Don't be discouraged if you have a bad day, just make sure you do not let the hurt/saddness swallow you. Always be moving forward even if it is a half step. It really does get better and happiness will come to you. You have to do a little work though and let certain things go.
Good luck!
I could have written most of your post. The same exact thing happened to me. I would have loved my ex for eternity and he left me for his coworker with a boob and nose job. We have a baby together.
It's been a nightmare. It's been 3.5 mths since I moved out and I do actually have good days sometimes now. So I am hopeful that with time most of this pain will go away.
Hugs, you are not alone...
PP, you're right. I am not a country person but that Sarah Evans song, "stronger" really, really spoke to me!
Sapphire, I am so sorry you have to go through this. I dont have an answer for when it will end, because sometimes I have days like this. It was only 4 months ago for me too, and I still sit back and cry sometimes about having to start over!
But I know it will get better. Long distance hugs!