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For fun: Where were you this time last year?
Since it's a new month, let's do something fun...
Last Nov. 1, where were you, and what was going on in your life? Compared to now?
Nov. 1, 2010:
1. I had been to a couple of counseling appointments and was trying to work up the courage to tell my XH I didn't want to be married anymore.
2. Life at home was stressful for me because I wasn't happy there.
3. I was obsessed with a coworker and having a hard time understanding why I had those feelings, combined with the fact that I was already very "done" with my marriage.
4. No one knew about any of this except my therapist and a good friend at work.
Nov. 1, 2011:
1. I have been legally divorced for a few months. I feel pretty healed, and there are no lingering issues (on my side, or that I know of on XH's side).
2. I love my life and feel very at peace when I'm at home, whether I'm alone or if I have friends/The Artist over.
3. Said coworker has moved away and I haven't talked to him in 2.5 months. And I'm very much over it -- though I think I know why he was in my life at that point (to help me see that I needed to get out of my marriage).
4. Everyone important to me knows about the divorce and has accepted me and my new life. My friends are rooting for me and it feels good 
5. New stuff: I'm volunteering, I met The Artist, and I've really gotten into my running.
Now you go!
Re: For fun: Where were you this time last year?
Nov. 1, 2010: I was miserable. Crying every day. Trying to envision what my life would be like now that all my plans and dreams had been crushed to dust.
Nov. 1, 2011: I'm divorced. At peace. The future is full of promise.
Nov 1 2010: I had been separated for about a week and was trying to figure out how I was going to make it
Nov 1 2011: Divorced 6 months and now laid off at the end of the year so... trying to figure out how I am going to make it lol but I'm dating a great guy, and overall I'm a billion times happier
Nov 1 2010: I was living in Israel and I had just gotten over then-H's fake suicide attempt he made before our first anniversary on 10/17/10. I was working and he had quit his job because he couldn't handle it and was looking for another position after less than a year at his old one.
Nov 1 2011: Living in NJ and divorced for a month and a half, separated 5 months. Living with my parents and working at a new job. So happy to be rid of XH.
Nov 1st, 2010: I had a FWB, and was not happy with my job. Unhappy most of the time
Nov 1st, 2011: I'm in a committed relationship almost 5 months with a wonderful man, and got a new position at work that I love. Happy most of the time
November 1st last year I was divorced for over a year and I was happy in a new relationship with a great guy.
November 1st this year, Relationship with great guy has been over for two months now. Today is my birthday and I am now 45. Life is kinda sucky right now but I am sure it will get better. I am still happy with my life decisions, and look forward to what ever is out there for me.
Nov 1st, 2010: I was crying most days bc XH was out till 8am every weekend, not talking to me and treating me like crap. I had just found out I failed my boards and had 6 weeks before my next study course. He told me I needed to get a job and actually do something (I worked during medical school while he say on his *ass and collected unemployment for over a year).
Nov 1st, 2011: I am interviewing for jobs, working on buying a house, and happy. I have so much self confidence and feel proud of myself of what I've pulled myself out of.
11/1/10: I had just finished working 21 days in a row, 80+ hours per week. My brain was mush. I was also in the middle of finalizing my divorce. I think I received the court date a year ago this week. Other than that I was in a great place - I was busy with friends and volunteering my time as an alumni advisor to undergrads.
11/1/11: Divorced almost a year now. I'm still in a great place. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 6 months now, had a wonderful yearly review at work (and a very nice raise to go along with it), sold my house (and thus cut the last tie to XH), and I'm back on stable financial ground. Still spending time with friends (though not as much as I would like...life gets in the way for everyone) and still volunteering as an alumni advisor. My mom e-mailed me the other week telling me how proud she was of me - that I've managed to completely turn my life around in just 2 years. It's a pretty awesome feeling. I will always be a work in progress, and I like it like that.
I am almost word for word with you, OaF.
Nov 2010:
The beginning of the end of my marriage, and an unhealthy obsession with a co-worker...
Miserable job
Hated my husband
Nov 2011:
Cut ties (dramatically) with said co-worker and left that position
I have an amazing job
I am in a committed relationship with BF and I have a very healthy and happy relationship with my now XH.
I think the co-worker was in my life to give me the push to move on from my marriage. We would have stayed in the miserable marriage forever if I didn't have some sort of push out of it. It was the healthiest of outcomes.
Nov. 1, 2010: It was the day after I hosted a Halloween dinner for my parents and both sets of grandparents. It was then that I broke the new to my grandparents that my XH had moved out of the house and was done with our marriage. I was living in denial and working on getting our marriage figured out.
Nov. 1, 2011: I've been legally divorced for a few months and have emotionally healed from the pain of my marriage ending. I've rediscovered myself and am truly happy with the person I've grown into. I'm in a healthy relationship with an amazing guy and I've honestly never been happier...for so many reasons, not just my BF.
Last Nov. 1, where were you, and what was going on in your life? Compared to now?
Nov. 1, 2010:
1. I had called in sick to work because I had had a horrible Halloween with my STBXH. He had, what could be best described as, a mental breakdown and tried to kill himself. It was almost the rock bottom in our relationship. I was incredibly stressed out and stopped eating for a few days. I thought about him killing himself and at times, secretly wished he would because it might have been better then the hell he was putting me through in real life. I saw a EAP counselor on the 1st and told her about everything that was going on and felt like I wasn't crazy for the first time in a long time.
2. I hated my job and my coworker. I cried regularly and feared I would be fired. My supervisor regularly told me how great I was at my job but my personality sucked.
Nov. 1, 2011:
1. I will be divorced in 3 days and have found me again. I'm happy and healthy (and 45 pounds lighter). I have such an appreciation for the amazing people in my life and have found out I'm a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be. I'm also a better mother than I had been in a long time. I'm less stressed/depressed/whatever and can really be there for my kids. I've also got a new coworker who I adore and we have so much fun together that I actually like my job again!
2. One of the biggest things for me is I started going to church and have found such a peace about that.
3. I'm almost done with my Master's degree and am thrilled to have done so well in grad school while working and parenting!
Nov. 1, 2010
Was single from XBF for 7 months. Felt strong and at peace with myself emotionally.
Was finishing up my "Learn to Run" program and gearing up for a 10k (my first ever). Couldn't believe that I was running 6 miles given in June I couldn't run a mile
Was happy but incredibly stressed as I was getting ready to close on my house. Was so incredibly proud of myself for doing this.
Nov. 1, 2011
Have been with BF for 6 months now.
Nursing injuries from my running and hoping to get back to full throttle in the next few months.
Been in my house almost a whole year(!!). I absolutely love and and don't regret any of it.
Feeling stressed about my job and actively looking for a new one.
So, I have had both good and bad stuff between 2010 and 2011...
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
O hi twin!
Yeah, I agree. Who knows how long I would have stayed in that marriage, esp. with my hate-to-rock-the-boat personality. I really did need a push or sign of some kind.
Nov 1, 2010: Had been divorced from XH for a few months but he was completely out of DS' life. I had broken up with a short-term BF who yelled at me over something that was not my fault. I was going through kind of a wild, partying stage and really was desperate to meet someone, anyone. Not in a good place career wise and very unhappy with the fact that I hadn't been promoted but felt I was deserving of it.
Nov 1, 2011: Three weeks out from taking my CFP exam and feeling very prepared. In a great place career-wise, I finally got promoted and I've shifted my whole attitude. I feel very calm and at peace and kind of "things will happen when they are meant to happen" (most of the time). I've taken a hard look at myself and things that I need to change to be the best person and mother that I can be. XH is back in DS' life and it is actually a good thing. He's been supportive of me and my test and hanging out with DS when I need time to study. He's also providing CS again which definitely helps.
Looking back I sometimes think "not much has changed in a year" but after taking assessment of where I was and where I am I see that isn't true at all.
Great post!
Achase-that's a big change from last year...and sounds like a good one!!
Me: Nov 1 2010: waiting for the divorce to finalize. Almost to the day of the last time I saw XH, which is weird to me. Still somewhat numb to it all, but crying less on a daily basis. Work life had just started to pick up.
Me: Nov 1 2011: Divorce almost a year begin me officially. Emotionally in a good place about the divorce and I think I'm really ready to start dating and deal with all that comes in having a relationship. I ran another marathon which at this poitn last year I would have thought NEVER AGAIN! and I'm alraedy considering my third as running has been an important thing in this past year. Work is in a good place, if not very good, as it's been a year of hard work. I feel blessed.
Nov 1 2010 - Newlywed. Thinking life was going to work out and that everything was going to be fine. Hoping that we had a honeymoon baby brewing and would find out any day.
Nov 1 2011 - Separated. Knowing life will work itself out and that everything is fine. Just finished 2 months of therapy and in a much better place within myself and with my life as a now single woman. Definitely still in the phase of remembering all the fun and things and that little twinge of doubt - but I know in my heart it was the right move for me.
Nov 1, 2010: Had been been separated from XFI for just over 4 months. Was casually dating a guy who I wasn't really all that into, but who took me out to dinner frequently and liked football (both pluses!). Was working a job that was a lot of fun, but paid crap, and I had just started it a couple weeks earlier, so I was still getting my bearings. Felt pretty good most of the time, but stressed about money and would occasionally still get upset over the breakup with XFI.
Nov. 1, 2011: Have been with BF (different from the 2010 guy) for 10 very happy months--woo hoo! Just finished my first month at a new job that I enjoy and pays 3x the old one. Very happy with my life (except the occasional crappy day lol) and my plans/prospects for the future!
Nov 2010: I was so smitten with my son who was less than 2 months old. I was staying home from Maternity leave. Though I do remember struggling with breastfeeding and that was so tough. I was blissfully happy with my whole family including stbxh. I didn't have a clue anything was wrong. We were living in a brand new townhouse that we bought.
Nov 1, 2011: I am living in a 2 bedroom very old duplex sharing a room with my now 13 months old son. STBXH will move out really soon, Thank Goodness because I am about to shove him out and dump all of his stuff on the driveway. Divorce papers have been filed.
The good for 2011? Well I have volunteered at a lot of events, making new friends, going out a lot with good people, my social life was non-existent while with stbxh because I was so focused on family.
Now I love that I am social, more love to go around that way.
Nov. 1, 2010
- 5 days out from getting married (Nov. 6, 2010)
- Running around frantically making last minute wedding preparations
- Dealing with having a difficult conversation with my fiance over suspicious text messages that I found on his phone the night before (Halloween night). He told me I had absolutely nothing to worry about and that I was crazy to think that he would ever touch his 60-pound overweight 21 year old intern....
Nov. 1, 2011
- Annulment paperwork finalized as of Oct. 18, 2011
- Been separated from XH since March 2011
- A little gunshy, but excited about my first relationship post-breakup from XH
- Just got back from a 2 week cruise to Spain, France, Italy and Croatia with my boyfriend and amazing friends
- Optimistic and ready for the next chapter in my life!
A year ago, I was a wasted hot mess packing up my stuff and getting ready to leave my XH. I was thin and so sad.
Now, I have been divorced four months, dating a pretty awesome man and my curves have definitely filled in
I'm MUCH happier... I was thinking the other day, what a difference a year makes.
11/1/10:
At home on maternity leave with a 2 month old DS, while recovering from emergency surgery to drain an abscess that I later found out was staph infection. Separated from XH and hiding it from the rest of the world. Cried every.single.day. and looking back, I was a very depressed, isolated, and empty person. XH had complete manipulative control over me - I was still begging him to come back. Lived on auto pilot.
11/1/11:
Divorced for almost 3 months now. SO much happier, words can't describe it. I now live a happy, fulfilling life with full custody of DS and am not wrapped up in XH's legal troubles, his addictions, and his antics. I see the reality of the situation I was in and the abuse I was enduring and vow never to allow myself to settle. Reconnecting with old friends is a big priority and trying new things that I otherwise wouldn't have. HAPPY.
I am happy that there are so many happier people in this post!
But to those who haven't quite gotten there yet: You will. I promise!
Nov 1, 2010: I had just thought about leaving XH. I had gone out on Halloween the night before and spent it with my girlfriends just being me, and came home to my then H checking my hand for my rings, saying I was cheating, smelling my hair to make sure I wasn't smoking cigs, and yelling at me because I had been drinking. I had been laid off in early September and was broke and miserable and had then H holding everything financially over my head.
Nov 1, 2011: I live with my wonderful BF, been divorced for a few months from XH, have a decent job (money is still tight), and I'm doing my best every day to understand who I am and why I am here doing it. I am happy and getting happier every day.
Last Nov. 1, where were you, and what was going on in your life? Compared to now?
Nov. 1, 2010:
1. I was just starting the nursing program
2. I was completely miserable in my marriage and super stressed out
3. I was having a lot of issues with my ulcerative colitis further contributing to my stress
4. I didn't really have any close friends to talk to about everything going on and I felt alone
Nov. 1, 2011:
1. I have 7 weeks left until I am an RN and I already have a job lined up
2. I have been separated from XH for 11 months and divorced for 7.
3. I found medications that are working for me and I got back on my dads health insurance that covers them so I am not stressed about my health and the money involved with my prescriptions like before.
4. I made amazing friends through the program that I can confide in and go out and do things with
5. I have a new BF, hobbies, a place of my own, and I am getting ready to start a completely different chapter in my life
Now you go!
I'm in almost the exact same place! But that is okay because I was happy last year and I'm happy now.
We're kind of going out.
Last year:
Had been divorced for a year and had just started dating someone (about 2 months) and was also getting major surgery. During my surgery I didn't even get a text to say hope it goes well. Heard from him 5 days later because he was 'busy" seeing patients. Dumped him right then and there.
This year
Enjoying my awesome single life and have learnt to emotionally separate and disconnect myself from work drama outside of work. Its pretty awesome.
Nov 1, 2010: Hating my husband but putting on a happy face. Having major stomach problems, anxiety attacks because of stress. Oh and dealing with close to zero sleep waiting up for my ex to come home at whatever hour he chose (usually 4-5 am, he didnt have a "set" work time the following day as he worked for his dad) Probably realizing I had made a mistake but trying really hard to make it work with a party animal husband. Oh I think this was around the time I was googling on his ipad and "dating while married" popped up. Brilliant
Nov 1, 2011: Completely settled in my bachelorette pad since late May, working hard at a job I really like, started taking tennis, exercising regularly, reading more, and dating a fabulous guy for almost four months now!!
Nov. 1, 2010:
- Offically seperated from now XH for 3 months, probably should have been longer but it is what it is
- Good friend from out of the country was visiting and we were busy site seeing going on weekend get aways, guess he was more then a good friend though, but being only 2 months since seperation it was odd to call him more
- Working in a job I disliked
Nov. 1, 2011
- Offically divorced from XH for 2 months, again, should have been longer - but at least it's finalized!
- Said good friend from 2010 is now, my amazing bf - when asked how long we've been dating we say a year. He's paying for me to travel to see him and his family for Christmas (see ticker)
At least I have a 40 hour/week job - I'm told in our company that it is rare.
- Still at the job I disliked in 2010 and even dislike it more today then I did last year. I've interviewed for a promotion but was told just today I didn't get it.