OJO- Or anyone who can help with Divorce info

smiles325 · November 2011

*No, this is not for personal reasons*

My friend M, is staying the night with me tonight. Her husband told her this morning that he is going to base tomorrow (Wed) and filing for divorce.

I remember from previous posts that you, or someone else mentioned that the first to show up there, they work with. ? Or something like that. Anyway, she called the Legal Office and they say they have Legal Assistance on Thursdays at a certain time. But he says he is going in the morning to get the "Do-it-yourself" forms.

What does she need to do? Is it common that the spouse gets BAH? Or does she need to fight for that? She is working on living arrangements for her and her two dogs. (Her biggest concern is that of her dogs.)

Any information will be great! She says she doesn't really care for his money. But, I want her to know the options of going about getting SOMETHING from him if she can. You know?

Thanks for any help ladies! Miss you guys!

kyrgyzstan · November 2011

If he files first, it doesn't really matter, she can contest his terms and ask for spousal support. If he gets legal assistance first, she can go to a different base (maybe Creech?) and get legal assistance. And yes, she is entitled to spousal support until a civilian judge orders differently. She can go on Thursday during walk in hours, and they can write a letter to his command. They CANNOT represent either of them in civil proceedings. She should do what she can to print out proof of what's currently in the accounts, all the accounts, etc.

MrsOjoButtons · November 2011

The base legal office will still help her even if her H gets there first. She just can't see the exact attorney the H is seeing. What the dependent gets as far as BAH/pay is really varied because our AFIs don't set forth a specific amount. She should consider asking her attorney about separation agreements so maybe she and her H can put an agreement in writing between now and whenever the divorce is final. She really shouldn't expect any money, just to be on the safe side. If he ends up giving her money, at least it'll be considered bonus on top of whatever she can bring in herself.

kyrgyzstan · November 2011

MrsOjoButtons:
The base legal office will still help her even if her H gets there first. She just can't see the exact attorney the H is seeing. What the dependent gets as far as BAH/pay is really varied because our AFIs don't set forth a specific amount. She should consider asking her attorney about separation agreements so maybe she and her H can put an agreement in writing between now and whenever the divorce is final. She really shouldn't expect any money, just to be on the safe side. If he ends up giving her money, at least it'll be considered bonus on top of whatever she can bring in herself.

This is different than my experience with my divorce, but I'd trust the Ojo.

MrsOjoButtons · November 2011

This is the AFI that covers dependent support. http://www.af.mil/shared/media/epubs/AFI36-2906.pdf. If it were me, the most I'd give my dependent is the difference between single rate BAH and the dependent rate BAH. In the case of Ojo vs Ex Ojo, I sent him a check for $5. I argued that he was capable of working and since he'd literally taken everything from my home, MY income was going towards replacing household items. He moved back in with his mother and didn't have any living expenses. My chain of command was okay with it, but not all would be. Just a personal anecdote for ya.

LemonLover33 · November 2011

I was told I wouldn't receive any spousal support while the divorce would be pending by legal (a civillian) unless court ordered and then h's first shirt told me I would receive some sort of support and that I would have a place to live in a safe/comfortable environment even if that meant my H would move into the dorms and I would stay in our house until the divorce was finalized then I would receive whatever support in the terms of the divorce. I was told a lot of conflicting information. The first think I did was give my mom POA for my medical decisions in case I couldn't. I also kept a journal of any emotional pain he inflicted on me (ie threatening to take our dogs to the pound).

Carlisle_Girl · November 2011

Each service has different dependent support requirements that would apply during divorce proceedings (before it's final). If there are children, then they also apply after the divorce unless the court makes a support order. A court order always overrides the service's regulation regarding dependent support.

If there are no kids then she just needs to figure out how to support herself without him. If there are kids, she still needs to figure out how to support herself but can expect the court to make a child support and custody order in conjunction with the divorce.

Whether the legal assistance office will see both of them depends on the installation's policy. Some are large enough to have conflict attorneys, some aren't.

smiles325 · November 2011

Thank you for everything guys!

She text me this morning (she left my house just before 7am) and said that she had calmed H down and he agreed to marriage counseling. Which I think it great. I just hope he realizes that she isn't the ONLY one making this marriage difficult. He's addicted to WOW, wont even stop for an hour to go to the grocery store. He can't even go to bed. He has to wake up at 3am for work and stays up until 1 or so. Anyway, the whole reason he wanted a divorce is because he thinks they argue too much. *rolls eyes* He says that normal marriages don't have as much arguing. Unless he chooses that he needs to make some changes (she already has in the past few months and she realizes she needs to make more changes as well) and starts changing, I can't see them hitting their 1 year anniversary.

Thank you for all the info. I will definitely keep this for her. I knew I could count on you guys for help. Again, I appreciate it.

MrsOjoButtons · November 2011

smiles325:
. Anyway, the whole reason he wanted a divorce is because he thinks they argue too much. *rolls eyes* He says that normal marriages don't have as much arguing.

I heard that once upon a time. I thought arguing was normal, having come from a home were abuse was normal, and he, having come from a home where the parents only argued behind closed doors, thought normal married people should never so much disagree over whether to buy 2% or whole milk. Unfortunately, when someone drops the D-word, trust is gone. I was telling someone recently I wish the very first time XH thretened to divorce me, I would have been strong enough to say okay, and to hand him the papers. Instead, I lost myself. I tried so hard to be what he thought he wanted. I hope your friend gets what she wants from counseling, but I'll be the first one to tell her divorce sounds scary, but it's so much better than the alternative. My divorce allowed me to find myself, and to find someone who I can disagree with at times, but it's rarely a fight.. I hope your friend finds that, whether it's with her husband, alone, or maybe with someone else far into the future.

Amaristella · November 2011

MrsOjoButtons:
smiles325:
. Anyway, the whole reason he wanted a divorce is because he thinks they argue too much. *rolls eyes* He says that normal marriages don't have as much arguing.
I heard that once upon a time. I thought arguing was normal, having come from a home were abuse was normal, and he, having come from a home where the parents only argued behind closed doors, thought normal married people should never so much disagree over whether to buy 2% or whole milk. Unfortunately, when someone drops the D-word, trust is gone. I was telling someone recently I wish the very first time XH thretened to divorce me, I would have been strong enough to say okay, and to hand him the papers. Instead, I lost myself. I tried so hard to be what he thought he wanted. I hope your friend gets what she wants from counseling, but I'll be the first one to tell her divorce sounds scary, but it's so much better than the alternative. My divorce allowed me to find myself, and to find someone who I can disagree with at times, but it's rarely a fight.. I hope your friend finds that, whether it's with her husband, alone, or maybe with someone else far into the future.

This is a really interesting topic. How much arguing is normal? Maybe it depends on the type and terms of the arguments? I'm sure that for most people their definition starts with prior experiences.

My parents had a lot of arguments when I was growing up My mom always told me that "you can't put two adults in the same house and expect them not to argue". DH's parents, I'm pretty sure argued quite a bit too but I've never really asked for details.

LemonLover33 · November 2011

Ojo is right. When someone wants a divorce it's really hard to trust that person again. Which puts further stress on the marriage. It's sad really. Like everything is ruined and can never go back to the way it was. At least that's how I feel.

kyrgyzstan · November 2011

LemonLover33:
Ojo is right. When someone wants a divorce it's really hard to trust that person again. Which puts further stress on the marriage. It's sad really. Like everything is ruined and can never go back to the way it was. At least that's how I feel.

It was the same for me. I wish I had listened to my XH and just walked away. It's one of my shames that I didn't and tried so pathetically hard to keep him happy. I completely forgot about making me happy, and I ruined a few years of my life, both during and after my marriage.

OJO- Or anyone who can help with Divorce info

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