S/O: would you date a guy that...

gmginny · November 2011

had been divorced twice? (3 kids, 2 moms)

kellandragon · November 2011

Um... depends on why he was divorced... he could just be really bad at picking women... Like they both cheated on him...

CarrotsMakeMeFat · November 2011

nope. I would date a guy who was maybe divorced and the widowed, but not divorced twice

PrettyInPearls23 · November 2011

This post makes me think of the Friends episode where Phoebe questions women about dating Ross who has 3 divorces lol.

Like a pp said, I think it really depends on the situation. I wouldn't write someone off if they've been divorced twice, but I'd have to know the honest truth why both marriages ended.

marigoldgirl44 · November 2011

I guess it would depend on his age and the length of the marriages. If he was older like 50 then I could see it happening maybe.

UDscoobychick · November 2011

I am currently. He's still on good terms with XW1, the mother of his kids, and the explanation is that they're both good people, just not good together, which I completely understand. XW2 was fairly nuts, from the sounds of it (according to her own kids, too, not just him), and she disappeared off to Utah without warning with all the furniture and the contents of their savings account.

It's not a situation I ever thought I would be in, but it is something that BF and I have talked pretty extensively. It's not something that gives me the warm fuzzies, to be honest, but neither of us can change his past. If we ever get to the point of talking marriage, there will be lots of pre-marriage counseling to make sure that I do not end up as XW3. We both want to do it right next time.

gmginny · November 2011

let's assume that "hypothetically" he is 37 and you have gone on one date. His second wife was a crack addict but you don't feel like you know him well enough to ask what happened with the first marriage (feel like you are prying if you ask this too soon. I know I hate when people ask me b/c it is very complicated and personal and not something I want to go into on a first date).

And say the guy also "hypothetically" works a schedule that doesn't work well with yours... you are m-f 9-5 and he is Tue - Sat 2pm - 10pm (oh, and "hypothetically" you go to bed early.

But let's also say "hypothetically" that he is really tall, and he have another deal breaker that you won't date guys under 6'1".

All hypothetical of course

PrettyInPearls23 · November 2011

gmginny:

let's assume that "hypothetically" he is 37 and you have gone on one date. His second wife was a crack addict but you don't feel like you know him well enough to ask what happened with the first marriage (feel like you are prying if you ask this too soon. I know I hate when people ask me b/c it is very complicated and personal and not something I want to go into on a first date).

And say the guy also "hypothetically" works a schedule that doesn't work well with yours... you are m-f 9-5 and he is Tue - Sat 2pm - 10pm (oh, and "hypothetically" you go to bed early.

But let's also say "hypothetically" that he is really tall, and he have another deal breaker that you won't date guys under 6'1".

All hypothetical of course

Hypothetically...you've been on one date with the guy. If you're not feeling it, don't see him again.

calle28 · November 2011

gmginny:
let's assume that "hypothetically" he is 37 and you have gone on one date. His second wife was a crack addict but you don't feel like you know him well enough to ask what happened with the first marriage (feel like you are prying if you ask this too soon. I know I hate when people ask me b/c it is very complicated and personal and not something I want to go into on a first date).

And say the guy also "hypothetically" works a schedule that doesn't work well with yours... you are m-f 9-5 and he is Tue - Sat 2pm - 10pm (oh, and "hypothetically" you go to bed early.

But let's also say "hypothetically" that he is really tall, and he have another deal breaker that you won't date guys under 6'1".

All hypothetical of course

Hypothetically, I would not go on a second date with this guy.

gmginny · November 2011

PrettyInPearls23:
gmginny:

let's assume that "hypothetically" he is 37 and you have gone on one date. His second wife was a crack addict but you don't feel like you know him well enough to ask what happened with the first marriage (feel like you are prying if you ask this too soon. I know I hate when people ask me b/c it is very complicated and personal and not something I want to go into on a first date).

And say the guy also "hypothetically" works a schedule that doesn't work well with yours... you are m-f 9-5 and he is Tue - Sat 2pm - 10pm (oh, and "hypothetically" you go to bed early.

But let's also say "hypothetically" that he is really tall, and he have another deal breaker that you won't date guys under 6'1".

All hypothetical of course

Hypothetically...you've been on one date with the guy. If you're not feeling it, don't see him again.

What if I was feeling it... but wanted to make sure I wasn't ignoring red flags. Hypothetically of course

ETA: based on the last guy that dated I have serious reason to question my "picker"

calle28 · November 2011

It just seems too hard. Don't you think?

cutter21 · November 2011

It seems to me that you're trying really hard to overlook things that make you uneasy. If you're already questioning parts of a relationship you're not even in yet, it's probably best to cut bait and find someone who has qualities you want (hypothetically).

kellandragon · November 2011

A second, third, maybe even fourth date isn't a proposal... If you feel like going on another one then go, how else will you get to know more? If you feel it's too complicated or you're just not into finding out the details move on. Hypothetically of course Wink

silly.goose · November 2011

There's always a story, but I'd say generally, no.

JoJo+Leo · November 2011

My husband's best friend is on his second divorce and he has 3 kids (1 from first 2 from second) and he is honestly one of the best guys I know. Does this mean he is someone any girl would love to date? No. Does the fact that he is twice divorced alone make him completely un-datable? No.

I definitely wouldn't rush into a relationship with him, but I don't see the harm in going on a few more dates just to see if it is a situation you can handle.

Butterfly4210 · November 2011

JoJo+Leo:

My husband's best friend is on his second divorce and he has 3 kids (1 from first 2 from second) and he is honestly one of the best guys I know. Does this mean he is someone any girl would love to date? No. Does the fact that he is twice divorced alone make him completely un-datable? No.

I definitely wouldn't rush into a relationship with him, but I don't see the harm in going on a few more dates just to see if it is a situation you can handle.

This.
A coworker of mine is married and she is wife #3 .. he's a great guy - for her. But I wouldn't have been interested, nice to talk to though as a friend! I forget what happened to marriage 1 - but it was long term. Marriage 2 was over before it started and now they have been married 8ish years I think?

HeavenlyExcitedBride · November 2011

I would have to say yes, otherwise I'd be the biggest hypocrite.

I know dating is going to be hard for me when I am ready. Even harder with the fact I don't want to get married again but would love to have a loving relationship. I also come in a package with my son.

I am going through my second divorce. The first one was abusive and I left when ex started using knives. The second one, I was careful with dating and I so loved my stbxh very much and I didn't see it coming that he wanted to leave. I didn't have a choice the second time around.

I am scared but at the same time, I won't have to do a lot of weeding since I probably will scare a lot of guys away. Though, the relationship can't be short of amazing due to my trust level. I am trying to not let this post get me down and I am thankful I found an incredible therapist to help me get through this and work on changing my mindset for better quality of living.

I don't have a choice but try to move forward the best I can.