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Come on, Porterman, I worked hard on that summary!
OP:
I need some serious advice(long)
Please forgive me for writing such a long post. I am desperate for advice about a friendship with one of my girlfriends. I met her through this group of friends.
This all began when I met my husband. He was very hesitant to introduce me to his friends when we first started dating and after I met them I understood why. He had just come home from the Marine Corps and almost all his highschool friends were married and some had children. So, he started hanging out with this guy he was friends with in middle school-Steve. Steve introduced him to all his friends and DH hung out with them on weekends.
By the time I met my then boyfriend he had been hanging out with these guys for about 4 months. They partied on weekends and got ridiculously drunk. The night DH introduced me to the "group" Steve made a vulgar comment about our sex life. Very loudly and in the middle of Applebee's. So loud, in fact, people at other tables started turning to see what he was talking about. I started crying out of total humiliation and that was almost the end of our relationship. DH swore up and down he never said the things Steve claimed he said. I believed him and after getting to know DH better found out he would never say anything like that to anyone.
This same situation took place almost every weekend. Steve saying DH said or did something that he knew would upset me. Us get into an argument or me get my feelings hurt. Finally, I realized he was doing this on purpose. Steve never was too fond of me because I'm not a big drinker and would "party" with them. Although, their idea of partying is being on the verge of alcohol poisoning, breaking things, insulting people and just being obnoxious.
Steve finds a girlfriend. She drinks the same way he does and all the others in the group do. We would double date with them on occasion. I tried very hard to get close to her and she made it practically impossible. She's one of those girls that is only hanging out with you because her BF is friends with your BF type thing..
DH proposed to me on Christmas Day last year. Everything seemed fine with the group of friends, we all still hung out on occasion but everyone was working so it wasn't all the time. Steve made comments to DH about how I have changed him, he doesn't drink and party like he use to, that I "don't allow" them to hang out(never the case, DH was tired from working).
We all went to a local bar one night, had a great time and a week later Steve informed DH that I was never allowed to hang out with the group again because I'm not fun. DH told him that if I couldn't come he wouldn't be there either. Steve told DH he had to choose between their friendship or his relationship. DH chose me, obviously. We haven't spoken to them in almost a year because of this. DH let his feelings be known to Steve and the rest of the group, about how angry he was that they were acting this way and singling me out.
So that brings us to what happened today. I met a very good girlfriend of mine through this group. She hung out with them and we bonded very quickly and have been close ever since. She totally disaggreed with everything the group said and did but still continues to hang out with them and be friends with them.
She met her boyfriend through the group(they've been dating a few weeks now) and because he is friends with Steve and gang she is always with them. She was even late to my birthday party because she was with boyfriend at Steve's house.
Her birthday is coming up in December and she invited us all through Facebook to the event. Low and behold, Steve and gang are going to be there. Naturally, DH and I decided it isn't the best decision to attend. I only see something negative coming out of the situation and he says "he's doesn't want to be around them". I sent her a message on FB explaining that we wouldn't be coming because of what had happened(she knows how we feel) and that we would like to take her to dinner and celebrate alone. She sent me a long, hateful message back telling me that Steve and gang want to be friends now and I'm not letting that happen. Basically, that I need to get over it and come and be friends with them again. She said that Steve was right in saying what he said to DH about me because they were friends and he had the right to state his opinions.
I don't know how to respond to this. For the past year she has been totally understanding about why I was so hurt by everyone and especially why DH was hurt and now she expects us to just forget it? I forgive them for what they said but they were never true friends to begin with. Our friendship with the group caused many fights and problems between DH and I and since we have cut them off we've been happier than ever. What should I say? Should we go anyways to keep our friendship? I'm so hurt by her reaction and very confused because her opinions changed so quickly. She is saying that I am wrong for not wanting to be around them and DH is wrong for not trying to work things out with Steve. Steve has texted DH multiple times and he never responds. I am being blamed for DH decision not to forgive Steve. I told DH if he wanted to be friends with him he could but I didn't want to be involved with them anymore.
Steve and gang have done this same thing with my girlfriend(the one that's now defending them). They harrassed and threatened her for weeks a few years ago because of a misunderstanding. She, more than anyone, should understand where I'm coming from. I don't get it. Please help!
Summary:
My husband had this friend, Steve, for a while who was a huge d*ck. We
don't talk to him any more, but still have a mutual friend or two. Now
one of those mutual friends thinks we should let Steve f*ck us in the
ass with no lube for the sake of group harmony. I disagree. How do I
handle this?
Re: Come on, Porterman, I worked hard on that summary!
Why the eff was that deleted? That's not a rhetorical question Porterman. This is a message board. You post something and receive replies, and then you leave it up so others can read it. That's how it works. Otherwise there would be a board of nothing.
She wanted everyone to talk about how mean her ex friends are, and we wouldn't.
Seems like an easy solution. In the Us VS Them universe, her friend chose them.
Say la V (homage to the "Low and Behold" usage in the OP).