June 2008 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Awesome article!
This article was posted on another board about the often subtle forms of emotional manipulation that women frequently face. I highly recommend!!
Find it here
Re: Awesome article!
I enjoyed that! My DH is very guilty of these kinds of things. He will say something mean and when I say "Don't speak to me that way" he'll reply "I'm just joking." After a while my response became "I didn't say don't speak to me that way unless you're joking, I said don't speak to me that way." He's gotten much better. I've had patience with him on this because his father is HORRIBLE with it...my MIL is so weighed down with years of this kind of talk its painful to watch. No wonder her kids are (forgive me DH) entitled brats...she's never felt good enough unless she's completely taking care of everyone without saying a word. I think a lot of women are like that.
Thanks for sharing - I will have DH read this tonight!
I guess it really does depend on the definition of "emotional manipulation." To me, saying these things is a form of emotional manipulation. You're trying to teach them that they shouldn't stick up for themselves and their feelings when their feelings are hurt and have a legitimate reason to be.
I'll refer to my example above about my husband. Had I allowed him to keep saying these things without sticking up for myself and ignoring his "I'm just joking," then he would have continued saying mean things to me and I would have stopped defending myself. With the wrong people, that's a situation that could quickly escalate into psychological abuse.
Sometimes I do overreact and sometimes DH does and we tell each other that so that doesn't bother me but I guess it depends on the attitude that comes behind it.
I do see this type of attitude a lot with the men that I work with. I just normally call them an @sshole and move on with my day. It's usually my boss. I don't think he intends to be malicious and is usually joking but there are things that I don't let fly and I think he knows that now.
I don't think that the article meant to imply that it is emotional manipulation in the sense that people are purposefully cutting down the other person; I think more often it happens to not have to deal with their own behavioral choices.
My DH does this a lot too. Like last night when he said "Yeah, you're not allowed to have a gut unless your pregnant. You're profile just isn't very attractive." I nearly punched him, but ended up not responding because any response I've given in the past has been brushed off. I have to be better about defending myself! (and yes, weight is one of DH's MAJOR issues with himself - so he likes trying to make me care)
Wow- that's perfect. I'm going to have to remember that. DH is famous for the "just kidding" .
Exactly! I mean, I do think there are people who do it on purpose (my cousin's emotionally, physically and sexually abusive ex-spouse for example), but in general I think people try to just get themselves off the hook. I see all the time how the words we use towards ourselves and others have serious long term impacts - that was the part I found especially powerful.